The Risk I Took IV

   Here's the part where things get a little Risk-y. That is to say, the board game-based mechanics of this universe begin showing their roots. To counter Rome's holding hostage of their missionaries, Portugal sends out exactly five troops. (See?). An alliance between Portugal and France is struck (see?), and France sends out 15 troops of its own (see?). Rome destroys seven of France's fifteen troops (I guess that leaves eight left) and, in retaliation, brutally slaughters all of Portugal's captive missionaries. I'm not sure if the Romans ever knew that those guys weren't Chinese. No matter. They're dead now. France, with their presumably eight troops remaining (how much is a troop, anyway? Have I been doing it wrong?) with their eight remaining-- units, I guess-- have removed the threat of Rome off of the minor Mediterranean islands, because that's how combat works in Risk. The Mediterranean is a slightly safer place to be, yay.

   Portugal's missionaries were still killed, though, and, enraged at France's incompetence, they decide to break the treaty off. The announcement of said break-up comes in the form of ambushing the heck out of some peaceful French ships. The Portuguese ships themselves are ambushed by Roman ships immediately afterwards-- for a society that apparently doesn't have enough spies to tell the Portuguese from the Chinese, they sure have good timing. Also, they were still kind of the undisputed rulers of the Mediterranean all along, with their fancy pirate ships and things, so there's that. For Portugal, what was a simple misunderstanding before has now turned into outright aggression, and the President (yes) of Portugal declares war (yes) on Rome. By the time he had gotten around to doing this, however, Rome was already waging a war on the shores of Portugal, cutting all communications off so that the President would have no way of knowing that Rome was already occupying the cities of Barcelona and Cadiz (yes.) (I guess Portugal had assimilated Spain somewhere along the line?) Anyway more Risk stuff, because the precise number of troops-- units!-- taken out was five.

The Risk I Took III

   Part three. Apparently Catholicism is somehow still around. Are we going for some sort of "convergent timelines" explanation?

   SO, the Roman Empire, still being around and all, have "herd talle" (I'm presuming it means "heard tale") of China's new power play to expand westward. They take captive a group of Portuguese Missionaries, presuming them to be Chinese spies. Hey, it's not like I make the rules. Okay, I did, as I wrote this in the first place, but that was a far younger version of me. There are Portuguese people who look Chinese, right? Right? Okay, China here refers to not just the Middle Kingdom but Russia and India, so their concept of China is far broader than our concept of China. Of course.

The Risk I Took II

   Meanwhile, the Middle Kingdom has taken over the north, south, and east, and are casting their eyes westward. Their racistly slanted- okay, never mind, we won't go there. Even with the word "racistly" there to prove how racist that is. Also, is "racistly" even a word? My spell check doesn't seem to like it. I'm pretty sure Flight of the Conchords used it once. Anyway, China is trying to take over Europe. Though I'm not entirely sure how they took over India and Russia. Khan? Let's go with that. Okay, so ol' Genghis doesn't die of mysterious circumstances in 1227. He lives, taking the campaign in a completely different direction from how Ogedei would have taken it.

   Ooh, that's good. All the great conquerors were successful in their campaigns in this world. Alexander doesn't die so young and lives to conquer India, which I guess unifies it under Greece enough for Genghis to take it easily when he does his thing; Hannibal, instead of beating Scipio at the Battle of Zama, would preempt that by winning his Italian campaign, which is why the Roman Empire is so weak at the time the story begins; Scipio stays in Africa and turns Carthage into some kind of superpower; and all sorts of things could happen with Caesar I don't even know where to begin.

The Risk I Took I

   I had transcribed a RISK game once, and thought it was really cool at the time, but afterwards was always kind of embarrassed about it. I've found it again, though, and looking back over it, I'm thinking I was right the first time; that was awesome! It's really good alternate history, at least. Basically what happens is Crete becomes a small yet powerful superpower, ruling the Mediterranean and becoming the heart of the Roman Empire. It becomes a pirate nation, controlling the seas with ship technology hundreds of years ahead of that of any surrounding nations. Britannia sets sail across the Atlantic and discovers the New World a year before Leif Ericson would have landed there. I'm not sure if he's even around in this universe, I hadn't given it much thought until now. Anyway.

   Britannia utilizes the vast natural resources on these untapped continents to advance technology greatly, what with the petroleum and the internal combustion engines and all that. They have by the year 1500 developed and perfected the internal "steam combustion engine" (which is possible I guess or at least in this universe but shut up I was only like 15 when I wrote it.) To elaborate: steam power works on external combustion, which means that combustion heats the working fluid which expands and powers the engine, and the combustion products and the working fluid are separate. Internal combustion engines have the combustion of the fuel itself directly apply force to power the engine. I guess in this instance it would be the steam itself combusting, BUT I don't think that's possible. Magic, I guess?

   Next time: Little Trouble in Big China

Thespis Strip Dated Sunday, May 9, 2010

 Click to embiggen.

TRANSCRIPT:
Collin's back!? Hey-! wai-! Wha-!?!
HOW!?!
Announcer: OH SNAP IT'S AN AWESOME LEVERAGE-STYLE FLASH BACK!!!!!!
This entire petition thing you're putting together was my idea! You have no free will.
My idea! Mine! (Weell, actually my subconciousness's [sic] idea, because it came to me in a dream, but...)
Flashback Marvin: hmm...
So wait. What you're saying is that I dreamed it?
Marvin: Well, yes...
Ah, Bambi! I remember that strip. November 8th, 2009. I remember it well.
I mean it. I don't even know how I come up with this stuff sometimes.
Flashback Marvin: hmm...
Marvin: That was the moment I knew I had Leverage, so to speak, over you.
As one of your creations, I infected your dreams.
Dreams...
Marvin: Yep. Lots of ideas come to you there, including comics.
Comics?
Marvin: The ones from 3-14-09, 4-5-09, 5-17-09, 9-6-09, 9-13-09, 9-20-09, 11-8-09, 12-06-09, and 3-28-10, point of fact. 

NOTES:
   We get to explore the creative process a little bit here. Since this comic is in black and white except for the speech bubbles, there wasn't really a way to truly capture the blue-tinted-ness of actual Leverage flashbacks,  especially since Marvin already speaks with a blue accent half the time. Maybe could have made the note boxes tinted? In a black-and-white world, I don't think that would have worked...

Carpe DOLO

   YOLO has been called "carpe diem for dumb people," I think by Jack Black. But carpe diem is actually terrible advice. "Seize the day, and eat a bunch of pizza and corn chips, all the time." Versus, "YOLO, so I'll not eat a bunch of junk food and maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle, or else my future self will be really mad at me."

   It's what people have co-opted YOLO and taken it to mean that gets them in trouble. Right now, though, I'm seizing the day. By scheduling a bunch of posts.

   Seize the Day, You Only Live Once... Actually, that sounds like a 007 flick. You Only Seize One Day. Or something like that.

Many Things (Phoning it In Today): 四本の指

Image source: TV Tropes.
Yeah, I got it all off of TV Tropes for the day, alright? It's Creative Commons 3.0, so, I can do it... 

   Why don't they have four-fingered hands in Anime? Why do they all have five fingers? You ever noticed this? Four fingers on cartoon hands is such a ubiquitous trope in the West, but... in the East? They've all got five fingers over there. 

   Why is that? There are actually many reasons. 

   http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FourFingeredHands has this word of explanation (and I'm not even bothering to change it from the original formatting!):

1. The Yakuza traditionally chop off the little fingers of those who are unable to pay back a debt, or for other offences that warranted punishment but not death.
2. The four-fingered hand is taken as a derogatory reference to the burakumin social class (four fingers = four legs = animals).
3. The number four in Japanese also means death.

   Fascinating. That's... many reasons. One, two, many. Many reasons.

Thespis Strip Dated Sunday, May 2, 2010

Click to embiggen.

TRANSCRIPT:
Hey, here it goes again.
Marvin: Shoot, um...
This could continue forever.
Marvin: ...
Just this strip, over and over again, each Sunday.
It would have a sort of delicious poignancy to it, non? 
Marvin: Hey, umm...
Nope, I'm not gonna bring Collin back.
Marvin: Collin!
I mean, canon is canon, and canonically, Collin is dead.
Marvin: ...
Wanna know what's cool?
(imitating Collin) Why, I certainly do!
Affadavits! Them things is radcore!
...
Hey, what the-!?
Marvin: One of these days I'm gonna kill that boy.

Correspondence 5/2/10 9:23 - 12:10

   Sweet rejection!

Behold Ye!
From POMegranate to Persomem   May 2, 2010 9:23 am
Our first reject letter!:
http://persistenceofmemory.wikispaces.com/file/view/reject1.pdf/138780189/reject1.pdf

Re: Behold Ye!
From Persomem to POMegranate   May 2, 2010 11:51 am
Haha, oh man, we are like real authors now.

Re: Behold Ye!
From POMegranate to Persomem   May 2, 2010 11:57 am
Yep. You know what this means, right?

Re: Behold Ye!
From POMegranate to Persomem   May 2, 2010 12:01 pm
It means we've got to get even more legit.

Re: Behold Ye!
From Persomem to POMegranate   May 2, 2010 12:10 pm
Agreed. I have a few publishers in mind already.

Film Review: Cars 2

   Cars 2 brings to head a paradox that, while entirely possible to be ignored in the first film, is addressed explicitly in the sequel: Vehicles run on fossil fuels. Fossil fuels are made from dead plant and animal matter. In the Cars universe, all the plants and animals are vehicles. Do you see where I'm going with this?

   Eating is tantamount to cannibalism. Not only that, but what did those ancient animals run on? More fossil fuels? Where did those come from? Also, if all cars eat and drink is petroleum, then what's the point of all the agriculture seen in Cars 1?

   It's weird. Like, how in shows or movies with animal people, it isn't really brought up exactly whether they're actually animals... or people. I guess that's why they are what they are, but, eh, I guess you'd expect that'd interact in more complex ways. In this franchise, they're... cars, right? There's the scene, for instance, where the spy cars are able to identify a car in a crowd by zooming in the security footage on the vehicle's "VIN number." (That'd be the equivalent of, what, getting somebody's fingerprints off blurry grainy CCTV of that person? Only they actually control the cameras and can zoom in.) My point is, though, you wouldn't be able to do that with something without a VIN.

   it's not all bad. The racing scenes are... racy? You can clearly see the techniques and technologies pioneered by the Wachowskis for "Speed Racer." But, uh, the racing raises its own questions. If everyone's a car in this universe, then what kind of jobs to they have other than racing? In the first film we saw gas station attendants and tire shop owners, a Sergeant in the military (hmm.. car wars) but, other than that...

   So, only the fastest cars race, right? Are you born into your make and model? That's like some kind of institutionalized racism, isn't it? It seems implied, if not explicitly stated, by the presence of the lemons. If those cars are so unpopular, that means that they're a minority.

   I don't know. I just don't know. Let's just say they're all robots in a post-singularity world. Except the landmarks themselves are shaped like cars...

   I still just don't know.

The Zucchini Story (Final Entry)

   3/29/2014

   The zucchini takes up valuable freezer space, sometimes.

   Hoo boy. These couple of beauts are a batch made out of my one zucchini bread recipe, mixed together with the two banana bread recipes from home. The bananas were also taking up freezer space. That opened up a lot.

   And just, one by one, or two by two, batch by batch (this particular batch of three recipes blended required two casserole dishes of course- a one-quart one and a two-quart one. Which we can no longer seem to find after this batch...)

   And... Well, that's it, actually. Last week I brought in the final zucchini bread, Data Quality zone's annual "Green Food Day" to Celebrate Saint Patrick. What better thing to bring in than green jello, a green box of Girl Scout cookies, and the bread on which I spent the last of the frozen zucchini?

   This Tuesday, the last of if finally got all eaten up. Phew. Proof, here's the quart casserole dish, soaking.

   Delectable.

   I had one last zucchini, on top of the final three frozen bags (each baggie equaled about a cup of shredded zucchini- three baggies = three cups = the amount of zuke called for in a single recipe.) Brought it from apartment to apartment to apartment, however long I had it. Finally peeled it, once I used up the final baggies, but a bit too soon of course- the casserole dish I could use, the one we could find, was being used by the other zucchini bread! So the peeled zucchini, not ready to be shredded, sitting out in open air a couple of days...

   Yep.

   Though it wasn't that bad, just, unusable. Which is just as well, since I used up all the last of the flour (and the eggs, and the oil I think) on the other zucchini bread. So I was swamped anyway, that-wise. The flour, woo... I'd bought a 25 pound bag of flour; you can see how monstrous that thing was in the background of one or two of the previous entries' photos when we're attacking the first zukes. And now, finally used up.

   More proof. The sheer magnitude of the feat is boggling, using up that much flour, and still having needed to have more if all the horsey zucchinis hadn't gone bad. (horsey zucchini, hmm...)

   Sorry about that. But it really has been quite a, um, ride.

The Zucchini Story (Part IV)

   3/22/2014

   So, as I cliffhanger'd last time, we thought that we had enough zuke shreds to make plenties of breads. But that turned out not to be the case.

   It wasn't that it turned out that we didn't have a big bowl entirely full of shreds, that it wasn't all the way full somehow. Oh no it was not that at all. Neither was it that the recipe called for more zucchini than we'd initially thought, that packing the zuke down made what seemed like three cups at first a lot less than that. Nor was it some third thing that it wasn't. We definitely did have enough zucchini to make a boatload of batches. Did have...

   See, I'd completely forgotten the one thing that everyone knows about storing zucchini shreds, the thing that newborn infants know about it. Put the zucchini into tiny little baggies and freeze that stuff, right? 

   Nope, though, I just let that stuff sit there, on the top of the fridge, at room temp, for several days. And then, it was the night before a Data Quality snack day. So, deciding to make zucchini bread for that, having all the other ingredients mixed and everything, I went to to add the zuke. 

   And it was dry on top, soggy underneath, and moldy everywhere.

   No, I'm not getting you a photo of that. Have a horsey in a hat, instead:

   Isn't that a more pleasant image?

   I debated (for hopefully less than 5 milliseconds) whether to just add the less moldy smelly stuff in the middle (where it was neither dry nor soggy) to the recipe, but, nope, instead I had to make an emergency move for the huge zucchini, with an hour and a half to get the whole thing shredded by myself with no help from the blender or anything. 

   I made it, barely, but had to wake up early the next morning to bake the thing.

   So from then on I learned my lesson:

 

   Freeze the zuke.

   Next (and final) entry: getting rid of the remainder.

The Zucchini Story (Part III)

   2/22/2014

   There was the fresh young zuke and the big old zukes. This is a bowl of the shreds. Guess which half came from which zucchini.

   At first we just grated the zucchini in a cheese grater, and although that was effective it wasn't the quickest and well I've still got battle scars on my fingers.

   Luckily that morning I'd also bought that blender, to make pizza for dinner that night (yes (...long story)), knowing it would also possibly be useful for shredding zucchini. So bright and shiny when we started off.

   It, uh, it wasn't as effective as we could have hoped. That blender's dead now. For the record, though, this morning I dismantled it to see if I could try fixing it. Uhh... No luck so far.

   But

it worked fine enough once you learned how to do it right. 

   And after that, we had a big bowl of zucchini shreds!

   This big red bowl on the left, filled up to the brim. Sweet! And that's even without cutting much into the huge one. 

   So, now we had enough zucchini shreds to make like 10 batches of zucchini bread.

   Or so we thought....

The Zucchini Story (Part II)

   9/7/2013

   The Zucchini wasn't the only zucchini I brought home. I also brought a normal-size one and a puny one. The "puny one" was actually an average-sized zuke, and the "normal one" was pretty large but hardly legendary. With this much zucchini, I was going to have to get some major software.

   But first, a recipe for zucchini bread. Elder Snell had one on the computer, zapped it over to a printer. The next day, I went on a hundred-dollar shopping spree, splurged on enough ingrediants to make a sexagintible batch. Plus, a blender and a grater, for cutting the bits down to size.

   But how am I going to goshdarn peel that goshdarn zucchini?

   With a goshdarn peeler, goshdarn it!

   That poor peeler got abused. Have a couple pics of it in action:

   See how I tried to start peeling on the largest one first but had to give up? That thing had thick skin.

   And then, once that had been accomplished, grating the zuke. Which maybe I'll talk about next time.

The Zucchini Story (part I (a serial!))

  8/17/2013

   First of all, I'm going to have to talk about the Zucchini itself. (Yes. The Zucchini. With a capital Z and everything.) 

   Brad, the guy I work under (you know Brad,) Brad's got this garden, apparently. Up in Data Quality we've got this thing called the Snack Alley, where I used to work before they moved me to Main Street. You know Snack Alley. Brad, see, his cubicle is right next to Snack Alley. He can peek over the cubicle wall down to the Snack Table, to see if there's any of what he calls "temptation food." And occasionally, apparently, he offers his own contribution to the table.

   It could have been any amount of time ago; I think I remember it being a month or so from when I write this. It's in my journal, but I don't have that on me. He's got a garden, apparently, and this year's crop of zucchini had been particularly profitable. By the time he got to the center of the patch this year, his zucchini had had so much time to grow, that after all this time, when he finally got into the center, there it sat.

   The Zucchini.

   Actual estimates to its size and weight vary, and have grown to legendary proportions over time. No accurate measurements were ever made. To my knowledge. Maybe Brad himself knows; I don't know. What is generally agreed upon is that it weighed at the minimum 15-20 pounds. I'm not sure what the average weight for a zucchini is supposed to be, or if that's particularly heavy for a zucchini, but I'm trying to stick to the facts here. 

   I think maybe that's why big fish stories were invented. Everything's so much more extreme up close, sometimes you paradoxically need to exaggerate the facts in order to be true to life. More is more. In this instance, though, less is more, so I'm sticking with that estimate. 15-20 pounds.

   And it was fun to heft, too. My companion and I got more total exercise in those couple of weeks that we had that thing, than in the entirety of the our missions up to that point.

   All photographs of me actually hefting the Zucchini itself make me look really ugly, so I'm not going to show those here. Maybe it'd be anticlimactic of me to publish a picture of the Zucchini at all, after all that buildup. But maybe it won't be. (I'm not sure; a zucchini of that size is no longer outside the realms of my experience, so I've got nothing to compare it to.) I'm going to do it; if anyone out there can say "I've seen bigger," well... nnnng. Remember, though, the ideal zucchini is more or less indistinguishable from a cucumber from the outside.

   (That thing was hard to cut.) And on the inside, with another, average zucchini on the side for comparison of size (and to prove that it was in fact a zucchini and not some other squash variety.)

   Yep, that's clearly the same species, alright.

Thespis Strip Dated Sunday, April 25, 2010

Click to embiggen.

TRANSCRIPT:
Marvin: Here we go again.
Shoot, um...
 ...
Hey, umm...
Collin!
 ...
Wanna know what's cool?
(imitating Collin) Why, I certainly do!
Affadavits! Them things is radcore!
...
One of these days I'm gonna kill that boy.
Whew!

Sketchings: Oh, Man, I Misspelled Yogurt

   I was talking to... this kid. A student. He saw I was making sketches, yeah? He asked me if I had any dog drawings, and I showed him the dog on this page. There was the head right in the middle there; I had been rather proud of it when I drew it as I was experimenting with a new style. He noticed it and agreed, but said it was too "stretched," whatever he meant by that. Like, the top of the head.

    I suppose I can see it.

Heads (Drawings of Them)

   What does the 

way I draw

heads say about

me?

Other than that

I've got no idea how

hairlines work,

And that I like heads

at a slight angle?

   Actually, those last few weren't bad. I think that last one might be Colt Carmen.

Thespis Strip Dated Sunday, April 18, 2010

Click to embiggen.

TRANSCRIPT:
Marvin: Hey, umm...
Collin!
...
Wanna know what's cool?
(imitating Collin) Why, I certainly do!
Hey wait a second.
Marvin: What?
This is just like the comic on 11/15/09!
Marvin: Yeah, well
since Collin's gone, and it's time to get back to business as usual,
I figured that this was the only sketch I could do by myself. So, anyway, proceeding.
Affadavits! [sic] Them things is radcore!
...
One of these days I'm gonna ki-...!
*sigh.*

Adam's Play, Act I Scene 2

SCENE 2

(This scene takes place the very next day.
Pamela, Alex and Julie are sitting on the sofa
reading a newspaper)

PAMELA
(Mad)
33 people died and 15 other people were injured. Why don’t they give the victims names.  I need to know if Kevin is all right or not.

ALEX
Just calm down.

JULIE
You left a message on your parents phone right?

PAMELA
Of course I did. They should have called by now.

ALEX
I’m sure they have a reason. They might not be home yet, you never know. There could be weather problems holding them up or something.

PAMELA
This is sickening. I need answers. Why haven’t my parents called? Is my brother safe, and who would kill 32 people and himself?

ALEX
We don’t know, just sit down and we’ll figure out what to do.

(Just then the phone rings. Pamela rushes to the phone and she picks it up)
PAMELA
Hello. . . Mom, dad, oh thank heavens you’re all right. I was worried. . . Yes I heard about it. Is Kevin all right. . . What news? Tell me. . . I can’t calm down. I’ve been worried about Kevin since yesterday. I hardly slept last night thinking of what could have happened. I couldn’t stop thinking about him . . . What, he
got shot? How is he? . . .
(Losing her mind)
Why didn’t you call me earlier? You have known about this for hours and you finally decide to call your daughter! I have been worried to death about my brother for so long. How thoughtful of you guys! . . .
(Controlling herself)
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things but I was scared. I’ve been worried for a while . . . So how long has he been in the hospital? . . . Ok, I’m going to leave today. . . I don’t care if I miss school. My brother’s life is more important than college. . . I’m leaving as soon as I can get my things together . . . Thanks for calling. I’m sorry for my reaction over the phone about you guys not calling earlier . . . I love you and I will see you when I get there. . . Ok, goodbye.

(She hangs up. During this monologue Julie and Alex will
react to everything she says.)

ALEX
So when are you leaving?

PAMELA
I’m leaving as soon as I get my stuff together.

JULIE
It’s about a 12 hour drive from here to Virginia, do you want one of us to come along?

PAMELA
No, this is very personal to me. Kevin is my brother and I need to face this by myself.

ALEX
I am not letting you travel by yourself. I am coming along and there is no way you can stop me.


PAMELA
All right, you can come with me. Julie you stay here and make sure nothing happens.

JULIE
I’m coming with you guys and I don’t care what you say. I have been your best friend since kindergarten. I can’t leave you in a time like this. I’ve known Kevin almost all my life and I’m going to be there with you in this time of crisis.

PAMELA
Please Julie. You don’t have to do this we will be fine.

JULIE
I’m coming Julie I really need to be their for you and Kevin.

PAMELA
All right, you can come also.

(Pamela opens up her room door and walks into her room. We can see a dresser and a side of a bed. Pamela opens the dresser drawers and she puts clothes into a bag.)

JULIE
Thank you Pamela. You don’t realize how important this is to me to be with you.
                               (Julie walks into her room and starts packing also, from
       her room)
So how is Kevin?

PAMELA
(From her room)
He’s ok. He got shot and he’s been in the hospital. The doctors said he’ll be all right. He’s probably going to have to be in the hospital for a couple of weeks but he will be fine. That’s all my parents told me.
(Pamela zips up the bag and leaves her room. She closes her
door. Julie walks out of her room and closes the door)

ALEX
I need to stop at my place so I can grab my clothes and other things we might need. Can you guys pick me up there.
PAMELA
Certainly just hurry, we need to leave as soon as possible. Make sure you drive safely darling. I can’t have two men in my life in the hospital.

ALEX
I will darling. Make sure you two drive safely also. I wouldn’t know what I would do without you. Well I better hurry. I will see you two in a couple of minutes. I love you Pamela.
(Alex and Pamela kiss.)
Goodbye.

(Alex exits the room through the DL door. Blackout.)