Alright, so art night tonight (I write this from there actually) and Lauren is here and she's like the most talented furry artist I've ever met, not quite the most talented one I've ever seen like online or anything and not the only furry artist I've ever met but still she's way good, and I've got those ice cream furries on the back of my laptop but I did them like a year, year and a half ago and I'm not as proud of them as I used to be, (EDIT: and the reason that's important is because I've got all this stuff to do on my laptop like Nanowrimo and comic book workshop stuff but I don't exactly want to whip my laptop out even though yes I did write this from there, on my laptop, but I just sort of kept it low) and she's also like way open about being a furry like she's wearing a BLFC shirt right now and everything, and she flipped through her sketchbook where she designs a character a day and she's only got two pages left, and she just, flipped through it, and I'd never be able to do that like I draw some pretty messed-up furry art sometimes, and also I'm not that good, although I'm doing some of that Other//half stuff (and I totally changed what my comic is, it's now this hilarious fourth-wall-breaking thing that came to me in a dream this morning) and I'm pretty proud of that, but I still don't think that's that good and screw it she's leaving I'm showing her the back of my laptop and asking her if I'm any good.
Back at the apartment now, and I'd been tired before, but now I feel I could write for a whole hour. Maybe not my novel, but this blog at least, because she and Izzy-Carla's-daughter-who-might-be-a-furry-too-I-think both really liked my stickers back there, like seriously Lauren liked my stuff, my style and everything, and she liked my characters' personalities and everything, like seriously that woman (or girl? I think she might be out of high school, but am not sure) she's a master of giving her characters personality. So it's like... wow.
The moon is upside-down tonight. I thought it freakish, that time I saw it, and it was one of the other things that happened on the day of the chili cook-off, the first one, the same day Cry Cry Cry came out, whose lyrics coincidentally I quoted in my piece for art night tonight. Flies on the Sun, which the first time or couple times through that album I thought to be pretty weak, until I realized/interpreted it more as a doo-wop song, by an indie band, and so is one of my, not-least-favorite, songs on the album now.
Some time after Halloween, here we go, I found a latex horse mask in the trash can of the high-end apartment complex next to ours, in which garbage can you can find some marvelous stuff sometimes (although it is also the same garbage can used by the maintenance-type people there, so there's also just like plywood scraps and everything sometimes, which is just junk and takes up a lot of space and is true garbage) and I haven't put on that mask because I don't know where it's been, why would they throw it away like that maybe it's covered in weird germs, but I tried it on just now, before writing this section now that I'm back at the apartment, and I felt something. Maybe um they threw it away because those things are kind of, not for you if you're even a little bit claustrophobic in the tiniest degree, but let me stress how otherwise perfectly good this latex mask is. But this one's pretty big. I think they just wanted rid of it. And I felt something, anyway. I try on woman's dresses sometimes, to see if I feel something, like seriously that should make you feel something, but I never do. It's just, more, different clothes. But I do feel things, dressed as an animal. Feel feelings.
And Lauren's just so openly a furry, and...
I was thinking about Sir Mix-a-Lot today, Baby Got Back, and...
(and my roommates are arguing in the living room, and one of my roommates thinks it's "from the butt," isn't aware that women have urethrae, speaking of bottoms. Neither does the other, apparently, just thinking it's from the vagina (and it is NOT from their, well he just said "the general area," so he knows I guess, and also I guess my other roommate, the first one, knows it's not the anus, but also the general area) and usually people trash-talking trannies really pisses me off, but the word they used is trannies and that's just so funny to me that I guess I don't mind it right now; they're talking military, transgender ban, and both of them agree with the sock puppet man. And they're still talking about the urethra thing, just brought it up again I mean (writing is not an instantaneous process, so their still going on about it is news.) Like, looking it up I guess? Just a barrel full of chuckles. Speaking of bottoms anyway.)
But Baby Got Back, anyway. "I like big butts and I cannot lie." There's something profound in that.* I like big butts, and I cannot lie. What degree of acceptability is acceptable?** What is self, like, be true to yourself? And we can't know what it's like to be other people. So I guess yourself is all you can be.
There's this terrifying children's book I met yesterday, The Little White Rabbit with Red Wings, something like that, like why do the wings have to be red we wouldn't even notice how demonic the whole thing is if the wings weren't this cardinal, red, this demon red, but it's about a rabbit who's young and covetous I guess liking features of other animals he sees in the woods, until he's told, you know there's a wishing well just on the other side of the forest, you can wish for those neat body parts, and so he does, but going home, just because he's got a bird's red wings now the mother doesn't recognize him?*** like wth his own mother doesn't recognize him just because he's got these terrifying demon wings? but I think maybe she's just trying to teach him a lesson, actually, now that I think about it, which means that she was lying to her offspring which I guess is half a parent's job, but he goes back to the wishing well and wishes himself back to normal, and his mother recognizes him and the moral is spelled out for you (seriously I think they do that in children's books because you'd totally walk away with the wrong moral if they didn't, these things are so ambiguous,) don't try to be anyone other than yourself. Like, even though there's just a wishing well that allows you to change what that means, at any time, I DON'T KNOW, and the other moral that might have been extracted had they not spelled it out for you would be, don't ever change, don't ever improve, ever. Otherwise your mom won't recognize you (and wth he's a rabbit, could he really be an only child, maybe that's why she didn't recognize him, because there were so many to keep track of that the book just never brings up.)
So what's the line there? They never talk about that, what any of it means. Sir Mix-a-Lot may be honest, but which side of the line does the big butts thing fall on? Honestly, it's a toss-up.
But anyway yeah Lauren digs my stuff apparently? (And the shirt, I asked her about it and it's from an artist she met at BLFC, so I was half-right.) Social interaction and affirmation (af-fur-mation!) is really good for my, endorphin, levels, not only am I fully awake I'm not, randy, right now? Um so yeah. Halfway sexy dream a couple of nights ago. Haven't given into any temptation for, well a couple of weeks before I became temple-worthy again, so, however long that was? For a while. And being able to visit the temple again is a good motivator to keep my "nose" clean-- but my biological clock still ticks at me from time to time. Like yesterday. Yesterday I was crazy randy.
You didn't need to know any of that!
You know who's smoking hot? Minerva Mink. Way hotter than Hello Nurse. (I always was more of a sucker for Lola Bunny the bunny than Jessica Rabbit the human, whom I don't consider hot at all.) But you know which animaniac I had the biggest crush on as a kid? What's-her-name, the geriatric squirrel. Slappy, that's the one.
You didn't want to know any of that!
Has it been an hour yet? I feel it must have been about an hour now.
Mwa! Goodnight, everybody!
Hoo boy, footnotes. There are a lot of tangents in this ramble, but I think I managed to catch... three of them.
*Like the Presidents of the United States of America, speaking also of the POTUS, singing about how peaches were put in cans by a man, the logic of the, causality, the sequence of that, the ontology of peaches, that is also profound.
**Even now, in, The World, (card 21, the highest of the trumps, in the game of tarot, (speaking also also of the POTUS but oops I guess I just used his name which I'd been avoiding (just calling him the sock puppet this whole time arbitrarily,) but literal trump cards though,) but not the tarot card at all but the actual the world,) it's not anything goes, there's still decorum and things about permissiveness, mostly revolving around permission and consent which is a bit loose for my tastes and so arbitrarily defined over who's able to give it or not. But I don't care about the world's standards, just because they have any.
*** and man this ramble would be a lot more entertaining on YouTube or something, there's a YouTube workshop here apparently that meets on Tuesdays, I learned in Comic Book workshop today, so I'll definitely check it out next week (and apparently the reason I haven't been getting anyone's emails with their four-page comics is just because, nobody's been bothering to email me till the last second, like thanks guys that makes my job compiling this book ahead of the deadline easier, sarcasm.)
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