T(y/o)pography

This afternoon I realized what it was. I don't need to covet their graphic design skill; I'm not even planning on going into graphic design like everyone else in the class is, so good for them for being so good, and creative with it, and all. And looking at this with eyes wide open trying to take it all in but not caring about the focus, being squinting being the other way, my lenses not in my frames. I could at least see more clearly the rivers and the rags and the texture of the type.

I stepped on my glasses this morning, and I did my assignments but I did the wrong one, but even if I had been doing what everyone else knew to do, that wouldn't stop them they'd still be so much better graphic designers than me. (Also, even doing the assignment I'd thought at least I'd covered all the assignment requirements, but it turns out that even then I missed one that everyone else in the class got, common between the two assignments.) And, all these things in mind, that's when I realized what it was.

I'm careless. I'm also caref-reem, care-free I mena, mean, but that's a good thing. What makes one good and the other bad? I realized it tonight, in my evening prayers. Faith and fear are opposites- faith casts fear out perfectly. Care and care, they come from opposite things. To be carefree is to have faith, and thus not fearing; but to be careless... alright, I'm not sure how being afraid can lead to carelessness, or having a lack of faith either leading to it. So ???? But still, one half of that 'quation solved.

I do care about the future though. Look at the world and the wisdom and love it lacks, and I just have the need to fill it up, but I'm not sure how I'd be able to do that. And I can't judge any of it, but you don't have to judge to see darkness, and not judging is the best way to fill it up with light.

Maybe I'm careless, maybe I'm bad at executive functioning or bridling my passions, same thing basically, but tonight asking God how the heck I can be clay in His hands, maybe I don't need to have those things-- because the answer comes back, be myself.