Lying in bed last night, I realized how strange and disarming that I ever got a web log. A web log which no one reads as of yet, one designed for friends I have yet to meet. Being out here in the cold emptiness of space, it makes me wonder if what I do is even worth it.
I want to be someone whose life matters.
Is what I do worth it? I wasn't sure.
So I wrote a math equation.
W= 100p(H/T)
Where "W" is my worthiness as a human being, "p" is other people's opinion of me, "H" is my heart rate, and "T" is how I spend my time. "p" here is .9: other's opinions of me are quite high, higher than I think they should be, but, I guess I'm a pretty decent guy. "H," my rest heart rate, which quantifies how much time I have, is around 70 bpm, which is in the lowish averages, which is good. is The equation for "T" can further be broken down, into:
T= a(e10²)
Where "a" is art and the things I make, and "e" is edification, so I can hone my skills to make better things. I try to spend as much time as I can being edified, but there's so many areas in which to do it: eating? Reading? Sleeping? Catching up on popular culture? I'm representing "e" here as .65, meaning I spend 65% of my time being edified in some way or another, with lulls in between, which I'd like to see as an edification of my edification. Edification times ten is 6.5, to the second power is thus 42.25. "a" can further be broken down into
a= ΣQ
Where sigma is quantity and "Q" is quality. Quality is a bit hard to measure: do I gauge it against other people? I can't gauge it against myself, since half of what I do is above average for me and half below average, with 25% falling within the top quartile, 1% within the top percentile, etc. Measured against other people, then, I'd say I'm a little to a lot above average at arts, based off of "p," other people's opinion about me, so Q is going to be .90. Σ, or quantity, is how much art I make. I'd say I make an average of 2 or 3 arts a day.
With Σ as 2.5 and Q as .9, a=2.25, multiplied by an e10 ² of 42.25 to make 95.0625, divided by my rest heart rate of 70 to make ~0.74, multiplied by a 100p of 90 to make 666.
So I think we all see the take-away from this: I'm really bad at math.
I'd rather that than the alternative.