So I guess next time I'll just get my stuff in even earlier. Which means I'm going to have to actually have my stuff done earlier, of course, which isn't much fun, but seriously the best part of my Mondays is no longer having my information design deadline looming over my head, so, yeah.
Learning time management in Business for the Professional Artist, we're supposed to keep track of an entire day in 15-minute increments. It's due tomorrow, so of course I waited until today. Mondays are my busiest day, so it also looks the most impressive.
12 research shoes made in AL and AK, put on background music (Neko Case, Fox Confessor Brings the Flood)
12:15 AZ
12:30- AZ still. It's a toughie- I think Arizona brand jeans make shoes, so I settle on those.
12:45- blog
1:00 still blogging
1:15- AR, blog. Album ends.
1:30- discover usalovelist.com, a website of made-in-the-USA companies.
1:45: CA. It's got a lot of shoe companies, but all of them appear to be distributed through Nordstrom, whose website only features images of individual shoes while I'm looking for photos of pairs.
2:00- screw this, head to bed
2:15-6:30 sleep
6:30 wake up
6:45 stay in bed, just five more minutes I swear
7-8:45- scripture study and religion class homework
8:45-turn in religion class homework; head out to art history class
9-10 art history class
10 breakfast, nick my finger open meanwhile and search for a bandage
10:15- 11 bleed, work on homework
11:15 head to class
11:30-12:30 class
12:30-head home (finger bleeding only a little now.)
12:45 computer is stupid and slow, and this tissue-held-in-place-by-a-rubber-band is cramping my animation hand
1:00 read textbook reading for animation design class
1:15 do test on reading. take off makeshift bandage.
1:30 animate
1:45 finish stuff, upload it and head to class
2-4:30 animation design class
4:30 procrastinate near end of class
4:45 procrastinate after class, head home
5:00 make oatmeal and procrastinate some more
5:15-6:15 rejuvinated by oatmeal, use usalovelist to shoe-in the remaining states
6:15 youtube break
6:30 research next shoe thing (three shoe ideas are needed; I just got the biggest one out of the way first.)
6:45 research third shoe thing. This one's the easiest.
7-8 fhe. We play signs and hot potato.
8 eat fhe brownies.
8:15 check email and stuff
8:30 youtube while I wait for indesign to load (bravest warriors season 2). more oatmeal.
8:45-9:30 indesign create a processbook module for my shoe project; plain oatmeal is nasty so I add ketchup and mustard, and can at least pretend I'm eating a burger.
9:30 youtube break again (Sherlock Hound.)
9:45-10:30 continue processbook-compile all research done during the day, crunch numbers on it.
10:30- do 9 sketches at the last minute because that was also a thing we were supposed to do
10:45- try to upload my finished project, computer crashes on me
11:00 turn in project late, blog about it
11:15 fill in gaps in day's record
11:30 reflect on the meaning of the events of the day
11:45 blog
So yeah. I discovered a couple of weeks ago that no matter how important the project, unless it's also urgent and I've already squeezed my procrastination out, I feel like I'm wasting my time if I do something for more than about a half-hour at a time. Served me right for blocking out an hour to do something, in my planner (it would usually take me twice that, then, unless I really want to schedule in unstructured time, which, yeah sure why not.)
Autistical-type folk are supposed to crave structure, but I don't know. Even the idea of even unstructured time in a schedule, for me... kinda freaky-deaky.
But the way I phrase that, unstructured time, makes me realize, maybe that's some kind of kneejerk shying away from coming across as autistic? I just, don't want to come across as autistic. So maybe that's it, something ingrained so deeply, mustn't let them discover my vasty dark seecret, that I just, reject structure for its being too, typically non-neurotypical? I don't think that's it, okay seriously that's not it. It's bedtime, right now, I should be brushing my teeth, but I've been rejecting such ritual as toothbrushing since before anybody knew there was something different about me. It was one of the things that made my parents realize that, you know? So it's not any rejection of coming across as a typical non-neurotypical, that leads to my chafing against structure.
I only brought up the possibility because that phrase, "unstructured time," that just smacks of something some TA would refer to, in giving breathing room to some little autist's, some little professor's, flights of fancy-- and that just triggers in me something I'd apparently wanted to talk about, perhaps stemming from the introspection last night, which I'd brought up but didn't really delve into, how I don't want to come across all spergery, like the phrase "unstructured time" would do. But why is that? Is it shame? Is it modesty, which I refer to as the avoidance of calling undue attention to oneself? Or, I think this is the one, is it that awkward people just make you feel awkward (or at least they make me feel awkward, in a sort of self-fulfilling prophesy- I'm rendered feeling awkward by awkward people because I'm afraid that I come across that way...!)
Board game workshop, that was kind of awkward at first a little, with all those awkward nerdy-type people there, awkwardly around that little table, before I saw the board game being lugged through the Crossroads to some other area of the foodcourt where the official workshop was actually being held without our knowledge... there were more, non-awkward, type people there, and so I felt better, didn't have to be the cool non-nerd of the group.
Is there anything bad about coming across autistic? Do I just have some heightened PDD-dar that allows me to pick out awkward traits that others wouldn't see? Elder I'm-picturing-his-face, don't think we were ever officially any kind of companion though we did twosomeize at one point, said how he had Asperger's, stressed it mild Asperger's, stressed it very mild Asperger's, which surprised Elder Judkins who said he couldn't tell, even though from across the room it didn't look "very mild" to me. I slouch and breathe through my mouth and have a (I think) funny-shaped head in profile (it's the mouth, and the neck, and the back of the head, (the latter two dealing again with the slouching of course,)) but Elder Koenig said, when I told him what was "wrong" enough with me to be on the FCHHM, that whoever diagnosed me must have been high or something at the time. Maybe I am the only one who picks up on these. I dunno.
The back of everyone's head is awkward, really. So.
Yesterday, also, during sacrament meeting, some guy speaking, whom I thought to have delusions of eloquence at the time but thinking back at all his invented idiomata they were actually pretty solid just not used liberally enough so they called attention to themselves when he applied them, seemed smooth enough speaking, waited 8 years to go on a mission so he went when he was 23, and claimed a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. Which made me feel. Whatever it was I felt, I don't know, but it was there. Self-consciousness? Jealousy? Awkwardness? I'm just a man in the audience, who doesn't stir at all when those words pass his lips. I think jealousy, though. My 'dar didn't twinge at all from his presence, there was not any awkwardness in his stance or frame or gestures. Maybe I'm the same way and just hard on myself. How I come across, I don't know; old videos of me can stir some self-consciousness of my own awkwardness in me, though that could be for any number of reasons. Lack of it being left-to-right swapped like I'm used to, for instance.
Ryan and I are close enough as to pass for twins, an image we don't discourage (we're deliberately, nastily vague when the subject is broached,) but one of the things that akinates us (totally a word from now on,) it has been said, is our "hunchback"edness. First off, let me say, curse you, genes from my father's side of the family, but second off: I don't consider Ryan to slouch, so if I've got what he's got, I'm guessing I don't slouch as noticeably as I think I do. Maybe I'm still kind of gangly, but I'm not sure about that either.
In this light, even this photo here doesn't seem as awkward. Which is a real shame, as I just love making people uncomfortable. Honestly can't tell if I'm joking there. Maybe I'm just tired. I'm going to bed.
After brushing my teeth, of course.
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