Last year's ward Halloween party, one year ago today, with my father dressed up as the men's bathroom (he was cheap for costumes I guess,) he wore a toilet seat and a t-shirt with the men's symbol on it (for signs, like bathroom signs and crosswalks and things- men are represented as people, and women are represented as people with dresses. There's a website out there that dissects why exactly we sequester women from men and men from women with their own separate facilities, but I forget what its name is and I'm kind of getting away from the point anyway.)

   I had helped him haul in some stuff for the party, like Halloween carnival games, for beanbag tosses and othersuch stuff, which we loaded into the back of the truck. As the men's bathroom, on the way over there, with part of his costume being an old toilet lid he had never gotten around to using as a hall pass, he was talking about the difference between the toilet seat and the toilet lid. They had always been indistinguishable, but then came an epiphany: there is a difference between the toilet seat and the toilet lid. The lid is a lid, and the seat is a seat.

   The kicker: Women want you to put the seat down, not the lid. A major revelation. One aspect of the mystery of the opposite sex revealed. Next up: why they go to the bathroom in clusters, which is true and not a myth, because I've personally observed such behavior firsthand at least twice in my life (though, no, wait, that first time, what she actually said was "let's all be together" instead of, well...)