Thursday, December 28, 2023

ambition, obligation, followthrough

(experimenting with formatting, it kinda just feels right)

「because people tell me to」

  1.  obligations for 2024
  2. 2024 campaign
  3. book club
  4. fiddler on the roof
  5. Watching Every Cats and (Sequel Trilogy) Star Wars in One Day: A Vlog and Also a Video Essay


why do we do the things we do: a question I've been asking myself for years. (like Shinji Ikari (going there!) being confronted with the question of his own motivations for doing things in the final two episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion)


it's a question that I've had to confront head-on a couple of times this year, managing to sort of glance off it both times- going in consulting with a few friends on my script for WECa(ST)SWiOD Aaron asked me (and I'd been asking why the audience should care, and I'd been asking what my central thesis even was, and both these questions were circling around it but also glancing off of it) why I even decided to start the project in the first place, why I decided to vlog so much on that initial day knowing that I'd be making it a project to begin with, and I only sort of had an answer; auditioning for Fiddler and filling out the cast role questionnaire where it asked why I even wanted to audition or be in the show in the first place, which totally took me aback because it's not a question I'd ever thought to ask myself, and I only sort of had an answer.

 i feel obligated i guess. 

I realized today, chafing against being told to do something I already felt obligated to do, that I just,, feel,,, obligated. I'm not sure what's deeper than that, but at least we've uncovered that.


The noble Brutus hath told you Caesar was ambitious. If it were so, it was a grievous fault...


My obligations list for 2024 seems somewhat ambitious, in some regards. Shifting a gear, unsure if it connects to previous thoughts, but a thought nonetheless I've realized recently. (going back in my YouTube history to find what triggered this realization, it's from ym birthday, I happened to watch on my birthday.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5byfi2JVdo about a vdeio game that was promised and Kickstarted and was ambitious but never came to fruition, because the ambition was just ambition, and anyone can be ambitious. you can have all th' ambition in the world but it means nothing if you lack followthrough. 

AMBITION IS NOTHING WITHOUT FOLLOWTHROUGH

A couple of lessons taking into the new year- is the followthrough just something I do because I feel obligated to that also, I don't know.

Saturday, November 25, 2023

The Mildly Strange Tale of What's Going on with My Computer's Power Supply Unit

Alright so the computer crashing at the end of last month turned out to be a false alarm (¿mixed metaphor? it wasn't an  "alarm," so just, like, well it wasn't really a crash anyway) and when we zooted the computer by the shop it came on just fine, booted up as if it had never lost power to begin with. I didn't have to pay for anything: the guy took a look at my power supply unit, and was like, well what the heck that's very smoll, and called someone else in like hey check it out and she was like, well what the heck that's very smoll. So.

My power supply is an L500EPM-00, which is giving my computer 500 watts of electricity to, work with or eat or however 'lectricity works- that's a proprietary power source and I can't find an exact equivalent for my build on the Dell website's Batteries and Adapters Parts and Upgrades page, but the power supply for the XPS 8930 (when I've got an 8940) offers up 850 watts and I can find a few Alienware models on there that need 1000 watt power supplies; doing a little poking, XPS 8940 can ship with a 1000-watt power source or a 750-watt one (all of those numbers being higher than 500!) and like the the the L500EPM-00 is not something the XPS 8940 even ships with! (There is a bronze-rated 450 volt XPS 8940 option though?)

So what's going on? I'm not positive on this but here's what must have happened, I Think: back in December of last year, when the poor computer's poor heart gave out and everything fried, I took it to this other place, Nevada Computer Works, before I took it to Comp-U-Build. They must have been the ones to get me the new power supply unit (PSU!). They had a proprietary Dell PSU lying around, which is not something they had at Comp-U-Build (CUB!), and could plop that in, even if it was a little weaker than the last one; any was better than none. Probably. I say I Think it's how that happened because the computer was taken to CUB a few days after that because the power-doesn't-seem-to-be-working-at-home-but-it's-actually-fine-and-just-on-my-end-try-plugging-it-in-somewhere-else-maybe? thing happened at that point too, guess we figured out why that keeps happening, but they didn't mention anything about the comically underpowered PSU then, when it seems pretty instrumental. But the L500 would have been in by that point anyway, either from being built like that in the first place for some reason, or from Nevada Computer Works. So.

Either way it's left me paranoid about working on my computer, all month. 500 watts with my high-end graphics card... well let's just say it's a good thing that I haven't had a chance to do any gaming yet, aside from a few 8- and 16-bit games from Steam and elsewhere. (Apparently editing video doesn't actually require much video card? counterintuitive, but, thank goodness for that nonetheless.) 

When the computer seemed kaput at the end of last month I promised myself that if my files survived, I would do immediate backup and create redundancies and everything, so we could finally bring my project to land. "Immediately" took until today, I guess! Because of the paranoia, yeas, and because of the complexity of what making backups of my data actually entailed: thousands of files representing hundreds of gigabytes of data, spread out over three external hard drives, one external SD card and the internal RAM drive. I'm not even entirely finished yet! I just started this post to give me something to do while some files were migrating. And now I'm finished with the post. And I still have work to do.


...
oh! and I said that I'd use this month to do some like, editing on NaNoWriMo projects? Yeaaah so I've barely done any of that. Because of the paranoia. And now that I don't have to be paranoid anymore, after finishing off this last bit of file backup? I can work on my Very Ongoing Project instead. It was a self-defeating idea really.

AND ALRIGHT just finished backup of the final thing, updating the redundancy folder I created seven months ago (to the day, it turns out.) Now to create multiple redundancies... and this part is less obvious, because ideally that would mean on a separate drive from the one I created the first backup on, but it's the only one I have with enough space for everything (more than a quarter of a terabyte!) 

Tuesday, October 31, 2023

Here We See the Rather Long Hallway

Let's begin by moving inwardly, toward the source. Without: an ordinary warehouse, one of any number in the warehouse district; within: the edifice, wide and low, resolves itself as mostly empty. Not terribly unusual by itself, but it's to that which keeps the building from total abandonment that we turn our attention. 

The sole inhabitant of the interior would vary, of course, from warehouse to warehouse: a single segment of hallway, perhaps, a section of a room. A vestibule mostly open, lacking one or more of its expected walls. From an observer on the ground, it would look like a wedge of somewhere else transported into the middle of the warehouse floor, not a place, but a fraction of a place. A sliver of a metro station, a part of a gallery, a fragment of a shopping center. Not an entire corridor, but a moiety of one, starting and stopping abruptly, the edges of wall and flooring cutting off along a very specific angle. Because across from this set, where the angles converge, is a pole sticking out of the earth, a precisely aimed camera perched atop. 

There is no portion of set that does not exist within the camera's vision. From the camera feed: an ordinary location; from the ground, the set itself: the portions of the walls invisible to the camera remain not so much as painted, the floor untiled, uncarpeted. In some cases, the invisible portions of walls are nonexistent entirely: if the camera looks out across a gallery festooned with a colonnade, for example, the wall sections blocked by the pillars from the camera's view would remain unconstructed, so from the ground it appears a curious set of double columns.

And here acts as our spoke from which to move outward again, and back inward to another place. The camera in the corner of each of these sets, at each of these warehouses, feeds toward the center, the art instillation at the contemporary gallery in London that links each of these video casts from each of these sets at each of these warehouses around the world- the juxtaposition and assembly of these feeds creating spaces that never were. For each of these sets are replicas of one another: they replicate one another, but not duplicate each other, each playing the role of a different corner of the same fictional room, not one contiguous space, but the illusion thereof. Each feed streamed back to the instillation at the art gallery in London, locations all around the world all playing a small part at creating the illusion of one location. What does such a work say? What anxieties does such a piece reflect? Exploring the boundaries of theatre and fiction, of three men making a tiger, of the sliding scale of privacy and security under the surveillance state. 

Which theme brings us to the final external internality: the art instillation would probably be impressive enough viewed at night, consisting of just the locations themselves, reflect a massive coordination of infrastructure to capture a fake location made of real locations scattered among the globe, but the artist went a step beyond. The central art exhibit is in London, which is one of the most modern cities in the world, but also one of the most surveilled cities as well by far. It is estimated that there is one camera to every fourteen residents in the city of London. Instead of these partial hallways being empty spaces, this ratio of people to cameras is replicated in the art instillation, at each participating location.

From all over the world, fourteen actors per location were carefully cast not only for specificity in bodily proportions (that they be able to pass as one another) but also their sense of timing and bodily control (that they be able to replicate precisely one another's motions.) A figure onscreen walks down the corridor, passing into blindspots sometimes, but more frequently being recorded from more than one angle at a time: these actor-models have trained hard to go through precise motions as each's fictional counterpart, each's wandering figure, gets caught on more than one camera. Stepping, turning, speeding up, slowing down. Even the tiniest hiccough in a person's step is a carefully choreographed dance. 

If at the exhibit, hallways lined with monitors, it would cross one's mind to question how many filmsets are running concurrently, it would be tempting to think that there would be at least one set would have more than one camera; such options would be set to rest as each set breaks differently, as the possible meaning of the piece spirals out: a commentary on resistance? on free will? a commentary on the expansion of potential meanings itself? For the question would cross one's mind beforehand, would one alteration in routine between the camera feeds break the immersion? Would differences stick out and be noticed immediately by the patternseeking parts of our brains, or rather would the compounding of evidence elsewhere on all the other feeds add up to erase the microdistinctions between performances? How much compounding of change would it take to shatter the illusion entirely? If each angle held one distinction from the others, would it read as a contiguous space still? Thus, the performers break and reform, engaging in these bending and stretching of the immersion as experiments and as freeform acting exercises, and, as it crosses the mind of the gallerygoer watching this that this last exercise is entirely a step too far, that even the merest deliberate difference would break the central artistic metaphor entirely, no sooner had one thought this than the models snap back into synchronicity as if nothing had happened. Which raises themes of its own: the uncertainty of evidence and reality even in an industrialized setting, the ambiguity of the past when it's only accessible through the present, and, perhaps musing on the too-convenient timing of it all, the surveiller becoming the surveilled.

Because it's here that the audience member notices a security camera on a pole, where the other wall would be: in theatre it's called a fourth wall, but in a hallway, in any hallway of any length, there are only two walls, and so the audience would lie beyond the second. And it's here that you perhaps feel the movement of your own counterparts, people you've never met performing your same routine in portions of sections built in warehouses all over the world, in front of banks of monitors perhaps the same feed you're receiving, but perhaps receiving a suite of camera feeds all on their own, each of them. And if one were to turn a corner and to see a portion of the set that one had not before seen, that the set continues unobserved, would one find that odd, when one had gone one's whole life thinking it normal? And if one were to walk down this hall in pre-rehearsed rhythm, as the banks of monitors dimmed as their pictures fuzzed and grayed as they started showing feeds of feeds of feeds. And the hallways stretched out so far, and so far, and on both sides now, and all four sides now, and if the hallways continued to dim and dim, the glows of the monitors not enough to see by, and if one were moving by prerehearsed movement now, pressing forward by strength of muscle memory of all that practice, would even a break for a freeform release from the choreography be enough to escape? And if, as you started walking faster now, the cameras got closer to you as the hallway narrowed, and were spaced closer together in the hallway as the hallway shrunk, and the replicated segment of hallway accordioned in on itself, and if the lights dimmed completely now and all you saw out of the corners of your eyes are those dim red recording lights with the purple veins floating around them in the dark, and if you felt hot breath down the back of your neck just as you felt a neck right there in front of your own breathing, as you exhaled and inhaled in time with the exhalations and inhalations in front and behind you, and if, pressing ever forward into the shrinking and shrinking hallway, you reached forward and brushed the back of someone's head just as you felt fingers caressing the back of your own scalp, would that finally erase the identity between the observer and the observed? 

Because the figure on the monitor now slows down, and lowers their hand, and stops at the end of the hallway, and turns around. And discovers that the hallway wasn't nearly that long at all, wasn't nearly that long at all.

Monday, October 30, 2023

Spooky Story 2023

Yesterday I read through all my published Halloween stories so far and it was pretty wild! (I can see why my entry for Machine of Death Vol 2 was rejected... it does get good, by the end; maybe just chop off the entire first part I don't know.) They're all, in fact, far from perfect; Midnight Cat of Rustling Leaves is probably the best, and that's got some weird jank to it itself, where it takes a sudden swerve into comedy as the segue into introducing the titular feline. Funny House is pretty good, if you can see past the massive massive extent it wears its influences on its sleeve (The Machinist, Candle Cove.) 

I bring all this up to say that a great deal of the jankitiness in a lot of these are artifacts stemming from the very specific imagery that inspired the stories, which I tried to build around or build from or shoehorn in, frequently running out of time to do them elegantly. In many an instance, taken straight from the dream that became the story ($20 is the only amount that isn't infinity dollars.*)

And I bring that up to say that tomorrow's story isn't based off a dream at all! I've been having dreams lately, quite vivid ones, many of them fueled with the specific strain of anxiety that powered what became "the rope slackening in your hand." So like, I could turn them spooky, I guess. But rather not: I like my idea too much.

It's going to be called something along the lines of, Here We See the Rather Long Hallway. It was inspired by watching security camera video, realizing it was an intriguing horror proposition, then taking that idea and making it as un-Five Nights at Freddy's as possible upon realizing that security camera video horror from the perspective of the viewer has already been done- and is in fact a major motion picture in cinemas now.

*BED SHEET has a very weird racial imaginary, and I find it utterly baffling that we didn't really go anywhere with the young Black kid in the old plantation-style home: I'm glad BED SHEET wasn't submitted to Machine of Death, I guess.

(Speaking of weird racial imaginary, if I can't work on my Rather Ongoing Project I guess I should spend November Nanowrimoing the revised draft of Anachronominion with all those ideas I said I have...)

Sunday, October 29, 2023

So There Was A Weird Brownout Or Something 12:00 AM Friday...

I've only been doing one post a month this year generally, but since the October tradition seems to be do the Spooky Short Story on the 31st BUT WITH ALSO an introductory post on the 30th explaining my inspirations and everything, I figured I could also do a life update here, and those two things to- and over- morrow! Last year's Spooky Story did not actually get published! That will be rectified shortly!

So I'm writing this on the fantastic craptacular batteryless old MacBook because it looks like my computer, the one on which I'm finishing off my Very Ongoing Project, is kaput again. Won't turn on, and plugging it in anywhere the internal systems briefly whir up before plonking off again. (Like, the fan whirs on and the tiny green light on the back comes on, it thinks for five seconds, and the fan immediately unceremoniously stops whirring, the green light shutting itself off with a "plonk!") But it's been in this situation before, and it's come back from this situation before, so I'm not worried about that- just hopefully the data isn't in the state it had been during aforementioned time, requiring pretty expensive processes to call back from the darkness.

But anyway I guess I'm going to have to write those two other posts this week also on this laptop, meanwhile, which is fine. And move back the date again for the completion of the Very Ongoing Project, if it is to be completed at all by this point. I'd hate to disappoint those people I'd contacted in the course of research and rights management, but, well we'll see what the status is on the computer once we get it looked at, won't we. 

Sunday, September 10, 2023

My Podcast Rotation Lately

Light the Fuse: the Official Mission: Impossible Podcast releases a new episode every Tuesday- a day I usually have off from work, so I always catch it on Wednesday, which held true this (last) week as well even though I did work on Tuesday. I pop it in alongside my listening of the backlogs for the Unofficial podcast: Light the Fuse the unofficial Mission: Impossible podcast had over 200 episodes, chugging along weekly since 2018, and this year cutting whatever deal with Paramount to make them official in time for the release of Dead Reckoning Part I. Good for them. 

Not sure how I feel about the podcast going official means they seemingly can't broach the subject of the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike, even though a lot of their schtick is to interview cast and crew members (crew members they can interview all they want of course; save for WGA writers, those guys aren't on strike.) It feels like an elephant in the room but it's not like they ever talk about Tom Cruise's Scientology or anything either which always feels doubly so, so ??? whatever. Going official also discontinued their Patreon at the same time, with its own hundreds of subscriber-exclusive episodes now no longer available (?) anywhere (?) which is also unfortunate. Luckily it looks like their Tee Public store is still up! Though they don't advertise it anymore... 

The unofficial podcast has been supplanted by the Official one on most podcast services, but the episodes do remain available on their website and on SoundCloud- thus, I make my way backward through them a chunk of downloaded episodes at a time, backwards because of the way I download them what with SoundCloud listing latest first. Out of the over 200 episodes (238 listed, with a few scattered unnumbered "bonus" episodes later on (including a whole subseries about Top Gun: Maverick, "Light the Fuselage")), I just passed the 175 mark. Episode 175 just so happens to kick off (though I think it's officially 178 that announces it) a late-2021 slate of episodes all focused around the ten-year anniversary of Ghost Protocol. That's cool because I could rewatch Ghost Protocol this weekend, which was next on my Mission: Impossible rotation anyway! 

Bucket list: watch Ghost Protocol in IMAX, if they ever get around to doing another film festival thing or rerelease thing. There's supposed to be this format shift as Ethan swings out of the window at the Burj, the screen widening and opening up from 2.40:1 to IMAX 1.78:1; it sounds phenomenal.

Anyway.

Saturday, August 19, 2023

My Reading Rotation Lately

At work I have a lot of time for audiobooks and podcasts- the more you listen to podcasts the more you realize how bad people are at pronouncing the word podcasts, maybe to see if we'd notice?- Thursday I could even listen to the audio of the entire 9-hour long YouTube video I've recorded, take some notes on that on alterations I want to make (some of the audio I need to rerecord anyway, so might as well introduce some improvements; by this point (I realized this today) I probably need to restructure the entire first section, but anyway.)

Before the sabbatical I took to work on precisely that very video (there was always kind of this plan that I'd be able to add the audio of the video to my listening rotation so that I could get the effect of it and take notes, even if it may not have been the realization that it would take all day to do so) I was a little more formalized with the listening rotation, audiobooks in the morning and podcasts in the afternoon sort of thing, or vice versa or whatever-- listening through audiobooks twice, to absorb them better. It hasn't been the case like that lately, July and August back at work, getting through a lot of books only once, but the latest book I've listened through twice, so let's go over that.

I talked about Ranged Touch here before, with their Homestuck Made This World podcast, and Ranged Touch recently started their latest podcast, Shelved By Genre, where they take a middle road between their Just King Things one-book-a-month model and their Homestuck Made This World "partisode" model, wherein they do deep dives of genre books: one book a month but splitting that book into sections, doing a new episode a week (with room for breaks) each episode on its chunk of chapters. Their first project is the Book of the New Sun series by Gene Wolfe, which I'd been going to get into anyway (partly because they'd made references to the series before.) Listening through twice goes like this with these ones: the first episode's worth of chapters, the first episode, restarting the whole book up through the reading for part two, the second episode, going back through where episode two started to where episode three's reading ends, episode three, episode three's reading again all the way through to the end, episode four, and finally the episode four reading again. That's how it worked for book one, The Shadow of the Torturer, at least, but now that I'm caught up, I'm not sure whether to wait to the end of the month so I can go all at a whack again, or go through them and read up in real time.

Book of the New Sun is very Moby Dick, which I quite enjoy, but it's also possibly even more animepilled than Yumi and the Nightmare Painter (which I finished, this week I think?,) and that book is deliberately based on and playing with anime tropes. (I called this post my, reading rotation, so may as well get in a report of actual reading reading with letters and all, and not just being read to: with Secret Project #1 I read a chapter a day starting with the publication/arrival day, same thing with Secret Project #3 except with saving the chapters up so I could read through it more-or-less a section at a time instead of a chapter at a time. Usually on Sundays.)

Speaking of Sanderson, the latest episode of Dan Wells's and Brandon Sanderson's podcast Intentionally Blank had them breaking down the bibliographies of their rankings of the greatest living fantasy authors- I'm already starting Dan's number one, but that still leaves like, seven other authors to get into now that my usual reading time has been cut in half (Gaiman whom-of-course-I-know was already on both lists, and I've already bounced off of Sanderson's number one, George R. R. Martin, so that leaves around seven. It should be noted here, Stephen King was DQ'd from Sanderson's list for being seen in the public imaginary as less of a fantasy guy, even though a lot of what he writes is 100% fantasy and not even horror.) 

On that note, as I think I may have brought up I've been making my way through The Dark Tower, I think I should update on that to tie everything together at the end. I've paused so that I can listen to Just King Things about Wizard and Glass before proceeding- that should be sometime in November. I'm listening to the audiobooks in series order and not publication order, though, while JKT reads through in publication order, so, while I'm moving on to Wind through the Keyhole first, Just King Things won't get to it till like 2025? I'm just going to have to depart come November I guess, make my way through the rest unassisted and they'll catch up eventually. Not sure about the re-listening of the ones upcoming; Wizard and Glass was my favorite the first time but it's a tough reread for some reason; maybe I'll do the second listen on these when the JKT episodes come out, I don't know, let's see how well I enjoy them the first time through.

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

Those Names Were the People Who Worked on the Movie

I'd been going to post yesterday, because it was actually July then, but didn't really have anything to post about aside from a personal thing about a private citizen, tracking down a friend which isn't any of your business (do it every July 31st, and yesterday I actually got a hit!) but that isn't any of your business, once again, and I've got something to talk about for today at least, call it, July's post in August, or something.

Today was basically my last chance to catch on the big screen either Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny or Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One, and, as much as I'd said I'd been going to have to rewatch Indiana Jones while it was still in theaters, I had to make it Mission, right? (Loooved Phoebe Waller Bridge's character in Indie, loved the whole 1935-abouts prologue, need to clarify my thoughts on a lot of other stuff there, and had fully intended to; but its last showing locally was today!, apparently to be replaced with the Wednesday-premiering Ninja Turtles movie. (Mission is being swapped out for Meg on Friday.))

Each of the Mission Impossible movies is my favorite, and I was kind of concerned last time I went to go see this one (this was my third viewing) because maybe I'd need to watch Part Two and judge Dead Reckoning as one whole, but after this showing, I'm gonna say it: this is my favorite Mission Impossible film. I should probably do a more thorough unpacking on my other blog, the one about like spy fiction and stuff, but frig man I've got such a backlog over there as I went through this whole process of realizing the harm of the antisemitism inherent in some of the tropes I was using, but I've figured out some workarounds that are pretty good, but anyway. None of any of that is what this is about.

Because after Mission ended and I sat through the credits, I swung by the screen next over right as the Indiana Jones credits started to roll, so I caught that bit at least, and two credit walls in a row. 


And I always watch the credits. My, girlfriend?, in college, who, really loves Ninja Turtles (I feel like that's appropriate and fitting to bring up) after I took her to Zootopia and as we were watching the credits thereof, said she always liked watching the credits, to see if there's an after-credit scene or anything. And that was like, some first time I felt truly disappointed in her, sort of deal, differing opinions on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse notwithstanding. It's more about recognition of hard work and talent and, really feeling connected to how big the world truly is to have such people in't. 

And processing lately, my feelings regarding Tom Cruise and everything, who by all accounts is a swell guy, in part because he realizes how small (yet crucial!) a part he is within the larger apparatus. Film bros at film school who make film their entire personality outputting movies that say nothing, while Tom Cruise is over here also loving movies and making movies his whole life and managing to be interesting as well though.

So many names! And, well bottom line is, who was it who said, find out who you are, and then be yourself deliberately? That. That's what I'm thinking about right now, after witnessing all those people.

Monday, June 26, 2023

Going Back to Work!

Still not finished with my project; it'll probably be another, month??, maybe. At the soonest, probably. For now, entering a transition point in the completion of this project, from the, part where I took three months off of work, to, a part where I, go back to work.

But it's great timing anyway! I happen to be having some friends from   ...high school... but who are ...probably... experts on this type of thing because we're all full-blown adults now and that's possible, go over what I've written; I'm somehow manage to wrangle people into going along with this ridiculous scheme of mine. Including a few famous people! It's wild! But there's a lot for them to go over, and I miss work anyway, so I guess I'm winding down the full-tilt part, and am going back to work again in the morning. 

Today's my last real day of having the other thing be my job. Today also happens to be the day where I complete this month's Woodoku daily challenge. Which seems fitting as well, based off of the stuff I told you in last month's vlog (apparently I already completed the Duolingo challenge this month without realizing it.) So I guess I'm going to publish this post, and do that now.

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Closing in on the End? Light at the End of the Tunnel? Maybe?

Working on my big project! Around nine and a half hours when I chopped my rough draft together! That's why, though I've been doing at least a post a month this year here, I didn't have time to do one last month!

I watched through my rough cut, the entire thing, two weeks ago, and took many days' (pages') worth of notes in my At-a-Glance over it. Now my pages are blank again with new notes ready to be taken; the notes lasted up through yesterday, and I've been chugging through tightening up where I said it needed it, and adjusting the audio levels where I said, adding clips I said to where they needed to go. 

Today happens to mark the 1,000th day of my Duolingo streak, and did you know that I've gotten every gem available in the daily Woodoku challenge ever since I started doing Woodoku, and today would also mark my final gem for the month of May 2023. You know what, I've got streak freezes enabled, and four more days left in the month to get that final daily challenge... Let's say that I skip both of those for the day, and when I do them tomorrow that's going to mark when I stop with the editing and do a second watchthrough. 

I also have a couple of friends whose opinions I value on a lot of the stuff I have to talk about, looking over my script right now; it's a time commitment to even do that but, they should have enough time, and, hopefully I'll be able to add their feedback as well, somehow... It's getting pretty late in the game, but if my video is too boring or nonsensical for an outside audience it'll be for naught anyway.

Monday, March 27, 2023

Disappointed. Don't Have Much Unique to Say. But I am Disappointed. (Hachette v. Internet Archive Stuff.)

So a month ago today I posted a post wherein I accessed a book from the Internet Archive; since I already posted something this month I hadn't been going to do so again until Saturday at the earliest (i.e. next month), but I was reading through last month's post and I realized the court decision that was handed down last week really affected like, the very medium by which I'd accessed Six Walks in the Fictional Woods, and really felt like I needed to say something. Like for one, the image I use on that post is a link hosted by archive.org and I'm not sure it's still gonna be there for long? It's part of the first free few pages accessible without logging in, I don't know exactly what the plan is, although I do know that the Archive are going to appeal the decision.

There are going to be massive repercussions all dang over. It was a fascinating case I was following closely, I saw both sides' points but I knew how I really really wanted it to end.... I'm sick and tired of these court cases being decided the wrong way; notably it's the publishers and not the authors themselves that were suing IA. 

If the copies of the books existed in the metaverse then maybe the case would have gone differently! Which is absolutely ridiculous! (Caught yesterday's Folding Ideas video on Decentraland within 20 minutes of it premiering: the metaverse is just the internet only virtual reality so that it can be a metaverse instead of the internet; that's the only difference.) 

Keeping this in mind gives us the tools to track the principle going from a physical library to a virtual library, and then from a virtual library to an even more virtual one: scans that can only be accessed once at a time. The lawyers managed to argue that this somehow represents a misunderstanding of how ownership works when dealing with intellectual property- the physical library loans out ebooks, but straight from the publisher, mediated by the extra step of a physical form (that is the physical library.) The Internet Archive library takes away that physical step and substitutes it for a different one: instead of representing direct beamed-to-the-libraries-from-the-publishers ebooks, the ebooks represent physical books owned by the Archive themselves and accessible without need of access to the physical library.

The court argued that the Internet Archive wasn't operating under fair use because their lending out ebooks is nontransformative- I really need people to move past fair use arguments here, because it misses the point entirely. VidAngel argued fair use when they made transformative (censored, etc) copies of copyrighted material, under much the same virtual-access-of-physical-media model that archive.org employs; I think they were missing the point there, and they of all people have much greater stake to making the transformative argument as a claim; they were also denied in court, which also sucks and is especially why it's a bad argument when dealing with this specific issue. Precedents, and all.

Getting a book from your own bookshelf isn't fair use, though. Getting a book from someone else's bookshelf either. Fair use is about fairly claiming copyright of someone else's copyright, and... well there's that word, "copy" right. The extra step there, that I was talking about up there, the mediating step of the copyrighted material being digitalized, that does represent a copy, doesn't it. You can screenshot a page from the internet archive, but that's on your end, no different from photocopying a page from a library book except for whether it exists in a physical or virtual environment. It isn't about the loaning of the ebooks, it's about having created them in the first place- or rather, it's about doing both, as surely photocopying a book you yourself own for your own personal use does fall under that nasty fair use goblin. You can lend a friend a book, you can bury that book and lend a friend your photocopy, is there a difference there, and if not, what's the difference in changing the medium to a virtual medium instead of a physical? The precise location where the "fair use" would fall shifts as the terms shift; somehow, it's not a true Ship of Theseus.

I don't know; it feels like I'm talking around it now. Fascinating on a philosophical level though! You can see why I was so keen on the case, and also why I'm so disappointed by the New York courts' siding with the publishers on this one, because it takes this complex issue and flattens it into a simple case of somebody using a, song or whatever, non-transformatively without permission. Disappointed. I didn't have much unique to say, I don't think. But I am disappointed.

Monday, March 13, 2023

(Imperf)Ec(ti)o(n) Made This World

Finished Six Walks in the Fictional Woods today. I did not know that Eco was born in Alessandria, Piedmont; perhaps our ancestors knew one another? Nor did I see the breakdown of the material history of the text of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion coming. 

So we need a sequel to my last post because, I did some light editing after publishing it (my m.o. by this point) and I realized there was an entire section of text that I went over today, which I knew about when I published the last post but forgot to engage with, even though it was perfect for what I was talking about-- imperfection.

Why does a movie become a cult movie? Why does a novel or a poem become a cult book? Some time ago, while trying to explain why Casablanca has become a cult movie, I proposed the hypothesis that one factor contributing to the development of a cult around a particular work is the "disjointedness" of the work.

I'd already scouted the passage because of how perfect it is for the Very Ongoing Project (VOP?) but, uh, it also tied into the themes of, imperfection, that I'd been writing about in last post...

Also I only realized the next day, why was Eco's name the thing in brackets, and not the rest of it? Eco isn't the afterthought there. Corrected in the name of this post.

Monday, February 27, 2023

Imperf(ec)ti(o)n Made This World


Twenty-eight years ago someone named Jim received a copy of Umberto Eco's Six Walks in the Fictional Woods for one of his birthdays; first edition, third printing. At some point later, sponsored by the Arcadia Fund with contributions from the Internet Archive, station09.cebu digitized this copy of the book using a Sony Alpha-A6300 and uploaded it to archive.org on October 8th 2020, upload completing and the digitized copy being fully accessible, gifted to everyone 25 years 10 months and 14 days after being gifted to Jim. Most other details are speculative. How old Jim was when he received the birthday book, somebody out there possibly knows but is non-deducible from the bookplate inscription alone; the path the book took after leaving Jim's collection and when, whether Jim even read the book and enjoyed the creative adventure that really is part of that book.

Tuesday August 16th of last year I'm listening to the podcast Homestuck Made This World where they briefly invoke something Umberto Eco says in Six Walks in the Fictional Woods, that text is a lazy machine that requires the reader to do much of its work for it. I had already looked into Six Walks in the Fictional Woods after having watched Kyle Kallgren's video essay on Umberto Eco a couple of months before, June 8th the day it had come out- as I recall, I caught as much of it as I could as it premiered on my lunch break, but the premiere extended a little past when it was time to go back to work so I had to pause and finish the last few minutes of it afterward. At work that day, I had begun the audiobook of Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman and read by J. Paul Boehmer and Coleen Marlo; and had listened to the entirety of U2's Achtung Baby!, an album which came out three years, one week, and one day before the day Jim received a published volume of Umberto Eco lectures, an album which came out two days before I was born. After work, I watched the first episode of Ms. Marvel, finished off a viewing of Kung Fu Panda 2 I had begun a couple of days before, and watched the third episode of each of FLCL, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I watched the behind-the-scenes documentary of the making of The Last Jedi today, The Director and the Jedi, and a shot of their location shooting in Ireland reminded me briefly of Barry Levinson's 1992 magnum opus Toys, which I'm only bringing up because, flipping through my notes, I would watch that film that Saturday?

I'd looked into Six Walks in the Fictional Woods around that time, and for some reason it had dropped off my radar until today even though it still had relevance to the very ongoing project for which I watched The Director and the Jedi today (it's, both the very project, which is ongoing, and, a project which is very ongoing.) I'd recently been trying to remember the conversation that Cameron and Michael had had where they'd invoked the sieve-like nature of text, the fact that narrative can't get infinitely detailed so thus will always be at least partially ambiguous; I remembered a specific detail about the conversation yesterday, the idea you never see Gandalf out shopping even though he must, and that afforded me enough grist to ask about it on the Homestuck Made This World discord server, where I could receive a reply pointing me accurately toward the specific episode. Took less than ten minutes. Listening through the episode this morning, finding the philosophical apparatus they used (Eco!), tracking down the citation at lunch. Six Walks in the Fictional Woods. It was then that I remembered I'd been looking into the book in the first place.

Also, at lunch on the computer-- browsing twitter a little bit, Robert Evans @IwriteOK who hosts one of the podcasts on my regular listen-to-at-work rotation, is the citational provenance for this part-- Austin Kleon, he of the Steal Like an Artist and Show Your Work! books that were lent to me unsolicited by one of my artist-friends-who-happens-to-also-be-one-of-my-professors at college and which I so dug, had tweeted about the quasi-nightmarish vague dystopia of the implications of one of Google's newest features.


Kleon writes that one of the most interesting parts of old photographs is the tiny imperfections in them, the ephemera that clogs up the backgrounds and pins the photographs down to specific places and times and things we wouldn't question to question. He writes that that's why he keeps the detailed records he does of the small mundane things, the crap and crud and junk, the TV watched and the meetings attended: it's because of my own, similar records that I've kept daily for eight years now that I can tell you the specifics about the day I was introduced to Six Walks in the Fictional Woods.

Imperfect your memories - Austin Kleon

And that brings it back full circle I think- the seeming imperfections, like the handwritten birthday dedication kept at the front page of a book from a stranger, that tells you that this particular volume, and thus perhaps every volume, has a story, and those stories fit together in a chain of other stories that it's impossible to explicate every meaning of, that we could try to smooth away the seeming imperfections but that would erase the humanity of our memories. 

I don't know. As the very ongoing project continues, I become more aware that I'm not the best at wrapping things up in a bow.

Sunday, January 29, 2023

Murder Most Foul at House on the Hill

Crime mystery in dreams last night- first dream, something about an envelope, I can't remember? Second one though, final dream, doing the whole "crash a bus with their corpse in it to make it look like they died in a bus crash" trope, but don't make it out in time after propping down the gas pedal, also perishing.

I'm still obsessed with murder mystery tropes and iconography after Glass Onion a month ago. Clue really is a terrible game, but it's just so darn intriguing! Weapons, suspects, locations- they barely manage to get it to make any sense in the Clue movie, but them's the breaks; it doesn't make diegetic sense, but locations and suspects and weapons are all really murder mystery trope-y and there are a lot of those in Clue and that makes it awesome!, in theme if not in gameplay. If only there were a way to offer up red herrings in here or something! And also if only there were more hedge mazes! And some other stuff...

I've been poking around with combining my ideas on improving Clue with my unrelated ideas on improving Betrayal at House on the Hill, which is another one of those games we keep coming back to in spite of the really crufty gameplay because of its strong theme. (The third edition came out just a few months ago, but I don't know much about it, whether it improves on or supplants some of the complaints I have here.) The haunt- or perhaps, the murder!- is one aspect that gets brought up a lot, the betrayal itself that always seems to leave one side or the other at a major disadvantage, but there are more problems than that. The chrome, the fiddly little exceptions exemplified by the cardboard bits and chits- there's a drip in this one room, there's an elevator that leads here here or here. 

(Eurogames vs Ameritrash is a false dichotomy, an ossified product of early 2010's culture introduced into hobby gaming vocabulary by coincidence of timing between two broad trends in gaming happening to be noticed at the same time that internet connectivity really started taking off in hobby spaces... but this kind of thing, the Drip, is what the term Ameritrash was created to describe, heavily thematic exceptions to game rules laid out in components instead of being folded more elegantly into gameplay.)

It's the kind of thing, I think, that game-integrated apps were invented to supplant, in other words. I've also meanwhile been thinking about the affordances of such apps, things that would be not difficult but impossible to implement in physical componentry. The Forgotten Waters app could conceivably be replaced by a really really big deck of Crossroads cards, even the Search for Planet X app could be replaced with some sort of randomized booklet-length lookup table; but it would be impossible, flat out impossible even with closed envelopes, to have a hypothetical mechanic with secret anonymous bribes you can accept or reject, or a realtime English auction where you don't know who's even bidding but you do know what the bid is, or where it's a secret if anybody is calling or folding on the current bid. It can't be too app-dependent of course, else why not just play a computer game instead, but the app would need to be entirely essential.

So continuing from this idea- Betrayal at House on the Hill, one awkward clunk to its gameplay is the transition between the cooperative and competitive game modes as the haunt is revealed. All parties know who the traitor is, and that person has to leave the room and both parties have to read their separate instructions on how to interface with this new scenario, as the modes and gameplay diverge wildly from haunt to haunt. (Once again, the third edition has some revamped haunt rules which probably streamlines this, but I don't have firsthand experience with that and it's probably nothing to the extent of undoing anything I'm suggesting.) In an app-based Betrayal-like, it wouldn't even be necessary to have the identity of the traitor be public information. Or even have the traitor be a player character! Make the rules smooth and uniform, of course, so that everyone knows their role- that's essential, because if there's any confusion, well that blows the hidden bit doesn't it.

There are a lot of other ideas I'm fiddling with in the back of my skull, which make the game increasingly less Betrayal-like as new incentives need to be introduced in order to make the potential-betrayal hidden-role mechanic work smoothly. Character relationships, for one, where every member of the cast seems to have a history with each other in intricate ways, some of which may end up being plot critical, some of which may end up being red herrings. Put like that, it doesn't need to be House on the Hill-based at all! But that opening, like in chess the game opening, the start of the game the exploration of the mansion and its grounds, I can't get that out of my head in terms of murder mystery location tropes. The exploration aspect is too compelling for me to give up on- who needs how it works in Clue, which has its Tudor Manor/Boddy Mansion all laid out and known? Give me the delicious discovery of hidden passageways, the realization of the methods even to eavesdrop on secrets and scandal. The murder can even be triggered by some equivalent of Omen cards, like in the standard game (weapon cards, perhaps...), though possibly with some randomization thrown in as well, afforded by the app-driven nature of this aspect of the narrative. And so the mystery begins: whodunnit, of course, but also to whom- an NPC? or a player character? And that player would of course then have to step into the new role of an inspector showing up at the front doorstep...

It could even be considered a prologue to some certain ghost-based scenarios of Betrayal, who knows.

Sunday, January 22, 2023

Dreaming in Murder Mysteries

decided to add an illustration to this post; 'member this one?


 I'd been going to share some plots with you, last night's dream (this morning's really, sleeping in so that I miss as little as possible) until I realized that it's actually kind of boring and not mysterious. The, check in the envelope was sent, see I can't even finish the sentence.

But that one was told backwards, the dream, it started at the end of the mystery story and each scene took place before the one preceding it in the narrative. Like Memento I guess. Interesting way to tell a mystery story, one that I don't think has ever been done before! maybe.

Except in mememto I guess.

One from earlier, dream plot, time travel back to when the murder victim was in utero (one of a pair of twins) and you think that it's, man I can't finish that sentence either, that is also too boring. But that the dreams are both murder mysteries and time travel stories is interestimg.

Sunday, January 15, 2023

Stupidly Belated Development in the Crashed Computer Saga

Alright so i"ve been waiting for the shipping label to come in the mail like I said but it's been a few weeks and I just figured the mail's been super slow-which it has been!- so I didn't worry too much about it until recently; next month's Brandon Sanderson box already arrived in the mail, but still no DriveSavers shipping label

So I go back and check my old e-mails to see what the deal with that could be, which is difficult as I still haven't logged onto anything on my desktop computer yet (aside from Patreon to download a couple of podcast episodes to listen to at work) and so use this laptop for all of that, which, need I remind you, is slowish and immobile as it needs to be plugged in because its battery won't charge. I'm writing a blog post today anyway so it's not too much of an extra step to, switch over to my e-mail tab from my blogger tag. Turns out. 

Turns out I've had the shipping label all year, they e-mailed it to me on the day I spoke to them! When Steve said he was mailing the label to me I just assumed snail mail, and didn't bother checking my inbox! Theoretically there's been enough time that I could have all my data back by now already! 

It's just so stupid.

So stupid it's brilliant?

Eh. No, no probably not.

(The reason I haven't logged into anything much yet on my desktop is because it spends a lot of time not even being turned on- heck, I still haven't done any Wordle or anything even. The reason it's shut off so much is because I was doing experiments with the guts of the machine- the internally SATA-connected drives weren't working, and I finally figured out that it has to do with the ports themselves and is not the drives' or cables' fault, as those function perfectly well on other machines. I poked around all the places with computer parts in town on Monday or Tuesday, and, though USB-to-SATA cords exist, and are relatively inexpensive, it would have to be one of those buy online type of deals.)

Sunday, January 8, 2023

Followup on Christmas Wish List!

I guess I'm blogging (at least?) once a week this year; I guess that's technically a resolution. I guess these sound like Mountain Goats lyrics.

I'm reading one (1) chapter a day of the latest Brandon Sanderson, the Secret Project whose name I probably don't have to not-spoil because it's published now; the audiobook I'm listening to right now is The Moons of Barsk. My blogpost next week will probably be a writeup on that! It's good! and weird! And I'd forgotten how good and weird these books are! 

Anyway there's a company called DriveSavers, data recovery people, who are ostensibly sending me some kind of label in the mail so as for me to mail my fried drive to them for them to recover what had been on it. The mail's only coming once every other day or something, right now, so everything has been super slow! But my final few Christmas gifts have arrived; of my wishlist I received That Time You Killed Me on the day itself (which Alex wrote about on his blog), Paint the Roses in the mail a couple of days ago boy did it take a while (we've played it a couple of times; maybe I'll do a fuller writeup of that too), Essential Guide to Comic Book Lettering in the mail like a week ago, still tardy but not as tardy as the other one. And Moons of Barsk I just got for myself on Audible like I said. So, yeah the label is probably coming? The mail being slow has given me the opportunity to peep and tinker inside the computer for a bit more, so we'll see if we even need that service, if the problem even was what we thought it was...

I told you about finding my Playstation! Now I just need to find an HDMI cable that's not in use.

Let's see what else... A Nintendo Switch and the Mission: Impossible movies and Stationfall? I guess I've thought about those yes. There's a Stationfall how-to-play video made using Tabletop Game Simulator, or whatever that Steam thing's name is, so I guess it's available there; I don't have Steam right now! And I'm continually kicking myself for not having saved my Adobe projects to the Adobe cloud they keep on trying to shove down your throat although it really would be a lifesaver to have! My computer is up and running, I've redownloaded a few of the Adobe programs; I'm still writing these from my laptop because right now Adobe is the only thing I'm logged into on the desktop computer.

Sunday, January 1, 2023

Good news! Bad News! (Unrelated.)

 Alright so bad news is I didn't spring for the audiobook level 11 months ago or however long because I wasn't an audiobook listener back then, so as nice as it would be to have that now and listen to BRANDO SANDERSON'S SECRETY PROJECT NO 1 as an audiobook I'll have to read it at not-work and find something else to listen to at work-work. 

Good news is I found my playstation 4; it was behind the plant in the corner the whole time.