I Hope I Don't Fall Over Myself Too Much in This One

   Let's see how high these ghostly wings can fly us, shall we? Oh, dear. It's a blessing to be blessed, yes. But humility sounds like boastfulness even when you put it that way. It all sounds like boastfulness: I'm trying to analyse this impassively, but it doesn't come out sounding that way. At the very least, I can always claim it's a parody of that kind of thing. My own genius? Yep. Here comes the part where I talk about my IQ. No, I'm not telling it to you. I need to talk about it to explain some things, namely why past me continues to scare me (a-ha! you thought we were off of that now, did you?) But I don't divulge the exact number here.

   Why am I even talking about it, then? This is the internet (last I checked, ha ha,) which is full of bright people... allegedly (ohhh diss.) Seriously, though, it's big and large and vast and deep and any claim you make can be matched or exceeded somewhere else on it. I'm not going to tell you because this isn't about what my own IQ is, it's about why it is. When the best that so many autistic children can hope for is retardation, why am I on the opposite arm of the scale?

   I'm not here to brag, as bragging about something like that only seems petty. I'm just here to talk about it. A blog is not the place for shame, though. It's a personal thing about a person. If you didn't want to hear it, you wouldn't read it. So I'm going to talk about high testing-- er, being tested high-- er, being tested to be high, in the tested sort of sense. And why and how it could be that way.

   IQ tests are easy, though. You just go in there and they answer you insultingly easy questions and then impossible questions about obscure Russian literature, (which you fail of course.) That's actually what happened to me. I'm not sure if he decided just to skip to the impossible ones at the end or what. Like, oh, he's so clearly bored with these easy ones, that about as far as that can be gauged anyway. Hmm, that doesn't sound nice. Need to work on my humility.

   Humility? I suppose gratitude is in order. Other than the odd case of savantism, there's generally not much hope with this prognosis. Alright, that's unfair. Asperger's is not uncommon, but it's generally not what people think when they think autism. It's like Asperger's is a different thing to them. We can still feel the effects. This entire thing is about how crippling it used to be and still is to a lessening extent. But I was still bright. And that's still considered high functioning. There's low functioning, which is intellectually crippling with below-average intelligence, and high functioning, which increases to overlaps average intelligence. But a few of us overshot that. I'm negative mild. Mild autism, so mild it's negative, I mean, that which pushes outward instead of pulls downward. (Gifted instead of cursed, I guess. Well, no, the curse is still there. But it's a good curse?) Man, that sounds bad.

   It's hard to balance sounding humble with sounding like I've got a healthy self-esteem. That would certainly explain where the Asperger's stereotypes come from. Oh, feel sorry for me because I'm different, at the same time as, oh, be impressed with me, I'm different! I don't think you'd be here if you didn't expect to hear about it, and it's hard to speak of oneself emotionally neutrally, but I'm sorry if it came across as that. I guess I've covered this already, but don't you worry about me. I don't need your pity or anything. I just need you to not read too much into whether I'm trying to impress you or not right now, alright? (Yeah, I know. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.)

   But, I mean, how can I either boast or complain when it's the only life I know?