Filmed stuff for a new vlog today. I'm not sure who Tiny Abe is, or even the first one; I'm nodding off here and weird sitcoms are coming into my head. But I filmed stuff for a new vlog today. It's probably going to take a while to put together though.
Ghost Rider is the best! (also unrelated, continuing to nod off.)
I've got the opening greeting for the video; do you think the executives will like it?
Hello snackers... For he who clicks the "sub" to me this day shall be my snacker, be he ne'er so vile, this vid shall gentle his condition. And pretzels' pretzel shall ne'er go by, from this day to the ending of the world, but we in it shall be remember'd, we few, we twisted few, we pack of snackers... that's all I got... Pretzels here. I can see into your soul.
Saturday, May 20, 2017
Friday, May 19, 2017
'Tubing
I've mentioned disturbing "you know, for kids!" YouTube videos in passing before; yesterday Saberspark released a video launching a probe into the matter. It's... it's not for the weak of belly.
You can wash your eyes off with my latest wonderful-thing obsession, No Evil (playlist linked,) which according to my browsing history I stumbled upon Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. It is marvelous. It's about... well, it's kind of hard to sum up, and the entire plot isn't fully explained in the videos themselves- helpfully, Crowne Prince of Scribble Kibble explains the whole backstory here, plus why come it's so awesome and why you should watch it.
If you don't subscribe to any of the other YouTube channels I link to here, at least subscribe to Betsy Warlord of Noodles Lee's.
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Lois Lane Girl Reporter?
It's been years, and I wasn't even looking for it, but doing an archive trawl through Hark! A Vagrant, I found this linked in one of the, what are they called, rants? It's about Lois Lane, Girl Reporter, which was at one point to be a series of illustrated YA novels not unlike the Secret Hero Society: Study Hall of Justice book, except revolving around Lois Lane, Girl Reporter ("All previous instances of its use now rendered callbacks rather than sexist. BONUS.")
Like Cailin said when I showed it to her the first time, back when it came out (!), and I'm paraphrasing because this was 6 or 7 friggin' years ago, but something along the lines of, any project that opens up including the phrase "with considerable brainstorming help from my pal John Campbell" makes it fine by me.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Three Stories, or One
If there's a single verse of scripture at the core of all others, my nomination for it would be Matthew 26:41: Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak. Christ has come to his disciples while in the Garden of Gethsemane, and they've fallen asleep.
I had homework due this evening, the readings for New Testament class tomorrow being Matthew 26-28; I got nothing completed, at least not in time. With little time to complete anything, I focused on the most possible of all my assignments due to complete, which was the reading assignment. There were a couple of chapters of commentary to read, and I nodded off in the midst of them.
Gilgamesh approaches Utnapishtim wanting to know the secret of eternal life, and Utnapishtim agrees to give it to him if he can go I think it was three days without sleep. But Gilgamesh can't- and so how is he supposed to be able to stay alive forever, if he can't even go without sleep?
I completed the reading in time, and even potentially the response, but the assignment is closed by the time I'm able to access it, so I can't submit anything. So that's the end of that story. If you'll excuse me now, I'm going to bed.
I had homework due this evening, the readings for New Testament class tomorrow being Matthew 26-28; I got nothing completed, at least not in time. With little time to complete anything, I focused on the most possible of all my assignments due to complete, which was the reading assignment. There were a couple of chapters of commentary to read, and I nodded off in the midst of them.
Gilgamesh approaches Utnapishtim wanting to know the secret of eternal life, and Utnapishtim agrees to give it to him if he can go I think it was three days without sleep. But Gilgamesh can't- and so how is he supposed to be able to stay alive forever, if he can't even go without sleep?
I completed the reading in time, and even potentially the response, but the assignment is closed by the time I'm able to access it, so I can't submit anything. So that's the end of that story. If you'll excuse me now, I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, May 16, 2017
Mayhem and RiPPs
I figured out how to download my copy of the PDF- the issue I'd been having was, you need to be logged into DriveThruRPG.com before you click on the discount link, in order for the discounted (meaning free, because it's already been purchased from the preorder) zip file to show up in your cart.
The other bundle's still up for grabs if anyone wants it; maybe I'll auction it off, I expect it to be a hot commodity. Or maybe I'll just let you have it. It comes with the rulebook, and a blank character sheet, and the GC screen, and a PDF file of all 108 Mayhem cards which you can print out and paste to normal playing cards to have your own Mayhem deck. So, everything you need to start playing except for the dice- I myself ordered special Planet Mercenary dice, 4 sets of the 3D6 you need, but any dice work for it as long as you've got a way to distinguish the Mayhem die from the other two.
The way those work is this: after you roll, if your roll succeeds, if the Mayhem die shows a higher result than each of the other two dice, that triggers a "Mayhem flip," which means that you flip over the top card of the Mayhem deck and interesting stuff ensues. Maybe you actually failed. Maybe you succeeded more spectacularly than you'd thought. Maybe you need to reload the next time you try to shoot something. It could be anything. If it's something you don't like, you can spend one of your RiPPs to negate that card.
Other ways RiPPs can be spent are rerolling your dice, and throwing "ablative meat" in front of you to prevent otherwise fatal injury- you toss one of your grunts in front of you and that takes the hit for you instead. Maybe they survive that, maybe they don't. (If your PC is ever killed off for real, you can keep roleplaying as one of your grunts from then on- and the more times they've survived being an ablative meat shield, the more powerful that character is...) Don't expect to emerge from a session unscathed- being a galactic mercenary is dangerous business, and the idea of a successful round of play in this game is if everyone had fun, not necessarily if everyone did well, or even survived, or not.
The other bundle's still up for grabs if anyone wants it; maybe I'll auction it off, I expect it to be a hot commodity. Or maybe I'll just let you have it. It comes with the rulebook, and a blank character sheet, and the GC screen, and a PDF file of all 108 Mayhem cards which you can print out and paste to normal playing cards to have your own Mayhem deck. So, everything you need to start playing except for the dice- I myself ordered special Planet Mercenary dice, 4 sets of the 3D6 you need, but any dice work for it as long as you've got a way to distinguish the Mayhem die from the other two.
The way those work is this: after you roll, if your roll succeeds, if the Mayhem die shows a higher result than each of the other two dice, that triggers a "Mayhem flip," which means that you flip over the top card of the Mayhem deck and interesting stuff ensues. Maybe you actually failed. Maybe you succeeded more spectacularly than you'd thought. Maybe you need to reload the next time you try to shoot something. It could be anything. If it's something you don't like, you can spend one of your RiPPs to negate that card.
Other ways RiPPs can be spent are rerolling your dice, and throwing "ablative meat" in front of you to prevent otherwise fatal injury- you toss one of your grunts in front of you and that takes the hit for you instead. Maybe they survive that, maybe they don't. (If your PC is ever killed off for real, you can keep roleplaying as one of your grunts from then on- and the more times they've survived being an ablative meat shield, the more powerful that character is...) Don't expect to emerge from a session unscathed- being a galactic mercenary is dangerous business, and the idea of a successful round of play in this game is if everyone had fun, not necessarily if everyone did well, or even survived, or not.
Monday, May 15, 2017
I Talk About PM:RPG a Bit More
When I first mentioned Planet Mercenary I was under the impression that it had already come out, because the Kickstarter campaign had certain dates estimated for completion and delivery- only there was this massive holdup as they wanted to perfect everything, so everything's only beginning to roll out now (even though a lot of the parts were already manufactured like a year ago apparently.) The rule book only started printing today, apparently, and, I'm still waiting for the PDF, but, any day now...
Also I mentioned how ingenious the roleplay system was, like an actual story is being told; I mentioned that as something the GM (or Game Chief as they're known in the PM:RPG) did but that's not accurate as much, I was going based off of what I could recall at the time. And it's true that the game chief does have a mechanic similar I guess to handing out XP, where they're called RiPP (role-playing points; the extra "i" comes from the one that's not in "team"), which you can spend to not die among other things, which is fun and relatively uniquely implemented, but, the unique fun story-telly part about it has more to do with the entire approach.
Which maybe I'll tell you about tomorrow; I wanted to get to sleep tonight.
Also I mentioned how ingenious the roleplay system was, like an actual story is being told; I mentioned that as something the GM (or Game Chief as they're known in the PM:RPG) did but that's not accurate as much, I was going based off of what I could recall at the time. And it's true that the game chief does have a mechanic similar I guess to handing out XP, where they're called RiPP (role-playing points; the extra "i" comes from the one that's not in "team"), which you can spend to not die among other things, which is fun and relatively uniquely implemented, but, the unique fun story-telly part about it has more to do with the entire approach.
Which maybe I'll tell you about tomorrow; I wanted to get to sleep tonight.
Great Segue
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth a mothering nation... (Mad Libs reference.) I've got the entire Mad Libs sessions from my mission on my thumb drive from my mission, though I have no idea where that is. Somewhere at home? But it's very small, and has been lost for years.
Also, my current flashdrive is also missing somewhere in the apartment last I saw. From a mother's day reference to news that I'm behind on an assignment that I'd had on my flashdrive, an assignment that was due a week ago. Greet segue.
Secondary segue, swinging it back around and segueing the other direction: I love films, and I love making films, and during my mother's day call (seriously is that where you put the apostrophe? isn't it about all mothers though?) I received sage parental advice about, not trying to upgrade to a BFA just because I can, when I don't enjoy it, and, maybe talk to some elective/occupational counselor, because the idea of education is to be educated, which means to, be educated, and somehow education connects with jobs?, I don't know, the logic was a little fuzzy. But Brother Keller already has mad connects with film industry dudes which he'll spread re: me once I graduate and am ready to be hooked up, and the class in my elective focus which I've enjoyed the most has been motion design (though, having taken it last semester where I don't think I got anything higher than a B, I didn't do too well at.) Logic follows, I need to film more, vlog more, do something, to make my wheelhouse rollier and homier, and emphasize in that as a specialty.
Only I can't find the battery charger either, to power my camera...
Secondary segue, swinging it back around and segueing the other direction: I love films, and I love making films, and during my mother's day call (seriously is that where you put the apostrophe? isn't it about all mothers though?) I received sage parental advice about, not trying to upgrade to a BFA just because I can, when I don't enjoy it, and, maybe talk to some elective/occupational counselor, because the idea of education is to be educated, which means to, be educated, and somehow education connects with jobs?, I don't know, the logic was a little fuzzy. But Brother Keller already has mad connects with film industry dudes which he'll spread re: me once I graduate and am ready to be hooked up, and the class in my elective focus which I've enjoyed the most has been motion design (though, having taken it last semester where I don't think I got anything higher than a B, I didn't do too well at.) Logic follows, I need to film more, vlog more, do something, to make my wheelhouse rollier and homier, and emphasize in that as a specialty.
Only I can't find the battery charger either, to power my camera...
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Arthur's Nothing Problems
So turns out that a PDF copy comes alongside the physical copy of Planet Mercenary already; if anybody wants the link to the PDF copy of the Planet Mercenary RPG rulebook that I won't be using, let me know, and it's for free I guess; MAN I've just got TOO MUCH MONEY as it is, it's the worst.
I've been dreaming almost entirely in heists lately. I was only mildly psyched for King Arthur, but with the Guy Ritchie and all, and my dreams lately (seriously the plot of every single one of my dreams lately has taken the form of a caper) I knew I had to go see King Arthur: Legend of the Sword in theaters; it's okay I guess? There were a few heisty type elements as far as that goes, but overall in terms of movie quality... I can usually pretty easily "script doctor" the precise problem a story has that keeps it from being good*, but this one's got me baffled. Guy Ritchie movies tend to do that to me...
I mean, for sure the whole Lady in the Lake thing is easy to pinpoint as something that could have been pushed better, but that's near the end and the film clearly was already from the beginning not all it could have been. Character investment, for one, but it's not the characters' fault as much as the structure of the narrative the characters are seen in. Needing to throw up text at us in the beginning explaining some crucial such-and-such, as this film does, is generally a pretty bad sign. So does Star Wars, so there's not really a problem with the text intrinsically so much as what the text means: Star Wars, after the opening crawl, launches straight into action, and deftly gets us to care about the characters we encounter in the early scenes; bad opening-narrative-text movies start off with telling us exposition... followed immediately by showing us more exposition. Like the expositions couldn't have been consolidated for some reason. And we the audience, still not knowing the things we need to know to appreciate the situation at hand because there's still crucial information being explained, don't have time to invest in... anything. So we don't.
From nothing comes a king, is the film's tagline, right, so the problem in the movie would have to be... nothing. Nothing. The nothing bits, those are the issue. The stuff that leads up to the- oh, you know what I meant, it's obvious enough. Maybe it's the directorial style, or something, but I have a hard time getting rooted in Guy Ritchie films generally, like in general have investment problems at the beginning, and the more abstract he gets the bigger the problem is. His heist stuff, set present day or whatever, is easy enough to latch onto early on; Sherlock Holmes movies, a bit further removed, and so it's harder to seep ourselves into**; King Arthur, meanwhile, is, set in a fantasy version of medieval England where one of the very very very first things we encounter are war elephants the size of castles. So.
I've been dreaming almost entirely in heists lately. I was only mildly psyched for King Arthur, but with the Guy Ritchie and all, and my dreams lately (seriously the plot of every single one of my dreams lately has taken the form of a caper) I knew I had to go see King Arthur: Legend of the Sword in theaters; it's okay I guess? There were a few heisty type elements as far as that goes, but overall in terms of movie quality... I can usually pretty easily "script doctor" the precise problem a story has that keeps it from being good*, but this one's got me baffled. Guy Ritchie movies tend to do that to me...
I mean, for sure the whole Lady in the Lake thing is easy to pinpoint as something that could have been pushed better, but that's near the end and the film clearly was already from the beginning not all it could have been. Character investment, for one, but it's not the characters' fault as much as the structure of the narrative the characters are seen in. Needing to throw up text at us in the beginning explaining some crucial such-and-such, as this film does, is generally a pretty bad sign. So does Star Wars, so there's not really a problem with the text intrinsically so much as what the text means: Star Wars, after the opening crawl, launches straight into action, and deftly gets us to care about the characters we encounter in the early scenes; bad opening-narrative-text movies start off with telling us exposition... followed immediately by showing us more exposition. Like the expositions couldn't have been consolidated for some reason. And we the audience, still not knowing the things we need to know to appreciate the situation at hand because there's still crucial information being explained, don't have time to invest in... anything. So we don't.
From nothing comes a king, is the film's tagline, right, so the problem in the movie would have to be... nothing. Nothing. The nothing bits, those are the issue. The stuff that leads up to the- oh, you know what I meant, it's obvious enough. Maybe it's the directorial style, or something, but I have a hard time getting rooted in Guy Ritchie films generally, like in general have investment problems at the beginning, and the more abstract he gets the bigger the problem is. His heist stuff, set present day or whatever, is easy enough to latch onto early on; Sherlock Holmes movies, a bit further removed, and so it's harder to seep ourselves into**; King Arthur, meanwhile, is, set in a fantasy version of medieval England where one of the very very very first things we encounter are war elephants the size of castles. So.
Friday, May 12, 2017
Planet Mercenary Preorders and T-Shirts Past the 70th T-Score
Planet Mercenary goes to print on Monday, and it should be hitting retailers by July. But I'm pretty sure the PDFs (for those who prefer their RPG guides in PDF format) will be available before then? Anyway, I for one am totally preordering that junk. Tomorrow! Which is actually today!, since it's past midnight here.
I've emulsed another screen, in all that's fit news of print, but that's boring; the good stuff is the ideas I've come up with meanwhile. What got me into serigraphy is the fine arts angle, with t-shirts being an afterthought, but right now I've got one or two (...or one) ideas of which I'm pretty proud in the t-shirt realm, definitely matching the Prince Pretzels standard of being past the second standard deviation of "cleverness." It's a good word- intelligence and creativity, summarized punchily. Out of all the ideas in the world, surpassing the 97.7th percentile of creativity and smarts isn't easy, but I think we've hurdled at least that bar with this stuff. Hoo boy.
Wish I could tell you more, but you'll have to see for yourself... once I get around...
I've emulsed another screen, in all that's fit news of print, but that's boring; the good stuff is the ideas I've come up with meanwhile. What got me into serigraphy is the fine arts angle, with t-shirts being an afterthought, but right now I've got one or two (...or one) ideas of which I'm pretty proud in the t-shirt realm, definitely matching the Prince Pretzels standard of being past the second standard deviation of "cleverness." It's a good word- intelligence and creativity, summarized punchily. Out of all the ideas in the world, surpassing the 97.7th percentile of creativity and smarts isn't easy, but I think we've hurdled at least that bar with this stuff. Hoo boy.
Wish I could tell you more, but you'll have to see for yourself... once I get around...
404ing at Life
Sleep is good because my dreams have been chock
alock
full of gambits for Finn Michael Moone to pull, recently. I'm writing those still! 100% I'm writing those still. I mean, I'm majoring with a design in emphasis graphic, and I'm businessing with a work in screenprinting, and all work I've been motivated lately to do is filmmaking which is the art I love to make most but which has zero correspondence to any classes this semester, and it's another art night and this time we made buttons and like nobody shew up, at least compared with last week.
But
maybe it's the problems with school I've been having this year generally, like maybe it has to do with my latest At-a-Glance not matching my At-a-Glancing style even remotely which causes me to be inefficient or whatever, or maybe it's just me realizing these last few semesters how much I truly do stink at my major proffered me and chosen by self, but
man I don't know if graphic design is even a good fit for me or whatever, but maybe I'm too far down this path to really change it, so I've got no choice to either get good or just abjectly fail?
But it's something I find pretty interesting
but I continually fail to grasp (or at least apply) basic concepts
but there's a whole summer and autumn to practice and maybe get good then before my next semester after this one. I'm not sure when to hold them or fold them and I generally don't like folding them in the first place
I mean it's not like other majors don't have classwork or anything, so not switching my major or emphasis would be the more efficient of the other options, but would it be the best?
so.
My plan all along was to switch majors in a sense; would it be switching majors then not to switch majors? I'm referring to my plan to apply for the BFA program. Would I be upgrading to a BFA just because I can? It's increasingly feeling like that. You have to be y'know good at what you do to do that, and so there's a patina of prestige to it as well, but why would I get more intensive in something I'm not currently good at (no excuse) but also am not enjoying that much because of it?
I'd totally stay in school for years and years until I get it right but I don't have that luxury, especially here they're so bent on getting you out of school so that other people can attend
like I guess it's a housing issue but this semester our apartment complex has got loads of apartments with nobody staying in 'em, just totally empty. there's an eclipse coming up and there are apartments renting out room for eclipse watchers, there's gonna be such an influx of folk so maybe that'll happen then
but man I don't know, in the real world I've just gotta get good quick or fold 'em. Why is so much of our grade in graphic design based on our skill of graphic design? Sounds obvious, I mean, but can't there be room in like a graphic design studio for a dude who sux at designing but has awesome ideas? Graphic design is like 90% coming up with divergent presentations of ideas; the design part itself is just a contest of spitpolish.
I'm always as always way too ambitious in my projects
why do they have us choose what to do for these projects; I betcha other majors they just tell you what to do (what do people even do in non-art classes do they even have projects or do they just sit around and learn that way? well maybe.)
Why would I care about what graphic design studios even do or have room for if that's not even what I want to do? I already do what I want to do. That's all anyone does, is what they've got the motivation to do. Lately all I've been motivated to do is curl up in some corner somewhere and rock back and forth. I don't even stim; man maybe it'd be a good idea to, you're autistic, d'astit, act like it. I mean, I've, flicked my pinkie finger, but not really as a stim as such. Wacking my hand against my chest repeatedly, retard-style, that feels good, but I never got into the hobby of it. Is getting limpwristed, abjectly effeminate, is that a form of stimming? Or does it just mean, other things? But curling up in a ball, anyway- I've lacked much motivation lately: I'm such a screwup. Can't remember the last time I've been competent at anything. My special talent is sucking at everything I try my hand at. Fun stuff. I guess everybody compares their worst against others' bests; a lot of the best screenwriters in the world are actually bad at screenwriting which is what makes them so good. Everyone screws up all the time.
But I'm the only one who takes it personally.
alock
full of gambits for Finn Michael Moone to pull, recently. I'm writing those still! 100% I'm writing those still. I mean, I'm majoring with a design in emphasis graphic, and I'm businessing with a work in screenprinting, and all work I've been motivated lately to do is filmmaking which is the art I love to make most but which has zero correspondence to any classes this semester, and it's another art night and this time we made buttons and like nobody shew up, at least compared with last week.
But
maybe it's the problems with school I've been having this year generally, like maybe it has to do with my latest At-a-Glance not matching my At-a-Glancing style even remotely which causes me to be inefficient or whatever, or maybe it's just me realizing these last few semesters how much I truly do stink at my major proffered me and chosen by self, but
man I don't know if graphic design is even a good fit for me or whatever, but maybe I'm too far down this path to really change it, so I've got no choice to either get good or just abjectly fail?
But it's something I find pretty interesting
but I continually fail to grasp (or at least apply) basic concepts
but there's a whole summer and autumn to practice and maybe get good then before my next semester after this one. I'm not sure when to hold them or fold them and I generally don't like folding them in the first place
I mean it's not like other majors don't have classwork or anything, so not switching my major or emphasis would be the more efficient of the other options, but would it be the best?
so.
My plan all along was to switch majors in a sense; would it be switching majors then not to switch majors? I'm referring to my plan to apply for the BFA program. Would I be upgrading to a BFA just because I can? It's increasingly feeling like that. You have to be y'know good at what you do to do that, and so there's a patina of prestige to it as well, but why would I get more intensive in something I'm not currently good at (no excuse) but also am not enjoying that much because of it?
I'd totally stay in school for years and years until I get it right but I don't have that luxury, especially here they're so bent on getting you out of school so that other people can attend
like I guess it's a housing issue but this semester our apartment complex has got loads of apartments with nobody staying in 'em, just totally empty. there's an eclipse coming up and there are apartments renting out room for eclipse watchers, there's gonna be such an influx of folk so maybe that'll happen then
but man I don't know, in the real world I've just gotta get good quick or fold 'em. Why is so much of our grade in graphic design based on our skill of graphic design? Sounds obvious, I mean, but can't there be room in like a graphic design studio for a dude who sux at designing but has awesome ideas? Graphic design is like 90% coming up with divergent presentations of ideas; the design part itself is just a contest of spitpolish.
I'm always as always way too ambitious in my projects
why do they have us choose what to do for these projects; I betcha other majors they just tell you what to do (what do people even do in non-art classes do they even have projects or do they just sit around and learn that way? well maybe.)
Why would I care about what graphic design studios even do or have room for if that's not even what I want to do? I already do what I want to do. That's all anyone does, is what they've got the motivation to do. Lately all I've been motivated to do is curl up in some corner somewhere and rock back and forth. I don't even stim; man maybe it'd be a good idea to, you're autistic, d'astit, act like it. I mean, I've, flicked my pinkie finger, but not really as a stim as such. Wacking my hand against my chest repeatedly, retard-style, that feels good, but I never got into the hobby of it. Is getting limpwristed, abjectly effeminate, is that a form of stimming? Or does it just mean, other things? But curling up in a ball, anyway- I've lacked much motivation lately: I'm such a screwup. Can't remember the last time I've been competent at anything. My special talent is sucking at everything I try my hand at. Fun stuff. I guess everybody compares their worst against others' bests; a lot of the best screenwriters in the world are actually bad at screenwriting which is what makes them so good. Everyone screws up all the time.
But I'm the only one who takes it personally.
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
I Just Spent the Last Hour Doing Nothing But Browsing iTunes; Here's a Stream of My Favorite Album of All Time
"I got a friend who's a genius/ nobody listens to him/ I got some friends that got famous/ la la lala la la lala."
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Fourth Wall-Breaking Interview-Style George Clooney Monologue from Alternate Universe Ocean's 12 of My Dreams
(It was almost a full five years ago where this post was posted. http://dielikeadisneyvillain.blogspot.com/2012/05/things-from-my-dream-nonlinear-heists.html If I'd waited two days on this, it would have been exact. Oh well. I can't time my dreams; I can only recognize when they've got crazycreative caper plot ideas.)
OCEAN: Who would have thought it. Where do they pull that from? I mean it’s just so logical yet so creative at the same time. Where do they even get that? Save the bomb, don’t blow it up immediately like would be your first thought, but use it on the escape at the bottleneck to block anyone from following their route of escape behind them. Wow. Good for them.
I mean, on one hand good for them, but on the other hand I’m left slightly lost, you know? And it’s maddening.
It’s like watching all my friends blasting off to the moon in a rocket they constructed themselves made out of bubble wrap and creepy dolls’ heads and powered by universal human understanding, while I’m stuck back on earth craning my neck back looking up at them leaving me and I’ve got one of those little bubbles of wet fart forming stuck between my cheeks and it’s driving me up the wall.
So hm.
...what does this town have, does this place have anything in the way of whipped caffeinated beverages?
OCEAN: Who would have thought it. Where do they pull that from? I mean it’s just so logical yet so creative at the same time. Where do they even get that? Save the bomb, don’t blow it up immediately like would be your first thought, but use it on the escape at the bottleneck to block anyone from following their route of escape behind them. Wow. Good for them.
I mean, on one hand good for them, but on the other hand I’m left slightly lost, you know? And it’s maddening.
It’s like watching all my friends blasting off to the moon in a rocket they constructed themselves made out of bubble wrap and creepy dolls’ heads and powered by universal human understanding, while I’m stuck back on earth craning my neck back looking up at them leaving me and I’ve got one of those little bubbles of wet fart forming stuck between my cheeks and it’s driving me up the wall.
So hm.
...what does this town have, does this place have anything in the way of whipped caffeinated beverages?
Monday, May 8, 2017
I Yell About Naps
Mondays continue to be INSANE HOMEWORK DAYS for me even this semester, apparently. There was a big project due in my Information Design class- and this semester, there's only three such projects instead of four. So I count it a blessing that my thumby-drive on which I have most of the relevant project is temporarily misplaced; it means that I didn't have to turn anything in, and could work on my other projects, like taking inordinate amounts of nap. My FitBit tells the story:
I get a little under 6 and a half hours during the week, but make up for it on the weekend with NINE HOURS OF SLEEP A DAY including naps. (This post includes A LOT OF YELLING apparently.) Today, with my stuff due in Information Design class that I hadn't done, I'd been TOTALLY GOING to get on it and not procrastinate, and in a sense I didn't! But I also napped. I'd meant to wake up at three... but then when I tried that it was no fun... and I only woke up for real at 4:30 because some guy was calling me back. Wrong number.
I'm sleeping on the couch recently; my bed just makes such a convenient storage area I'd hate to break it up...
Sunday, May 7, 2017
First Seeking
Seek ye first the kingdom of God; where your treasure is there will your heart be also. I guess we define ourselves most by that which we keep closest to the chest, and that by what hands we don't want to play, parts of ourselves we don't want to reveal and thus double back on. Feeling accepted keeps me safe, but the corollary is that I wrap myself in that- I speak of being a furry, which still takes me aback. I go into detail in a post I haven't yet posted, but have as part of a backlog thing for one of the... well, when do I have that planned for, I don't know. One of the days I missed, as part of this larger thing. And I guess this actually has nothing to do with being a furry; never mind! (I realized today that I have Asperger's; I'd forgotten about that. That was surprising.)
Well, it kind of does, but everything pertinent is already explained- in that other post.
But here I wanted to go into, seek ye first the kingdom of God- Matt 6:33, Luke 12:31. I quote these scriptures, it seems oh so pious, but with everything I'm only seeking those things because I'm seeking the things of the world first. There was a lesson on avoiding bad media, but I was all, but I gotta learn these media, the more media the better, because I'm a storyteller and I need stories to tell. But that showed what I was seeking first. So I don't know. I don't even know what the kingdom of God would be, that I'd seek it. That anything would be added unto me, much less "all these things," well I guess there's just faith needed to accept that.
Well, it kind of does, but everything pertinent is already explained- in that other post.
But here I wanted to go into, seek ye first the kingdom of God- Matt 6:33, Luke 12:31. I quote these scriptures, it seems oh so pious, but with everything I'm only seeking those things because I'm seeking the things of the world first. There was a lesson on avoiding bad media, but I was all, but I gotta learn these media, the more media the better, because I'm a storyteller and I need stories to tell. But that showed what I was seeking first. So I don't know. I don't even know what the kingdom of God would be, that I'd seek it. That anything would be added unto me, much less "all these things," well I guess there's just faith needed to accept that.
Saturday, May 6, 2017
Oh, Zabivaka!
Been on a James Bond kick again- it happens. It happens even when I should be doing homework. Even when I've got huge projects due on Monday that I haven't been working on at all, it happens...
OHMSS is certainly something. That ending, man... Followed up by Diamonds Are Forever, a personal favorite of mine (because I have no shame, and seriously how could anyone top a moon rover car chase?), with Connery back in the saddle for one last canonical outing, which means that Lazenby's only Bond in, like, just the one I think?
Hailing from the 1990s as I do (and I never thought that that would make me feel old but it does,) my Bond will always be Brosnan, but, that actually has nothing to do with anything and anyway...
I always think that the weekends will be a great place to catch up on homework, but then I get really fatigued and nap in the middle of the day, from 1:00-3:00, and still go around drowsy as if two straight hours wasn't enough- or maybe too much.
This is what I woke up from:
I dreamt that Zabivaka was a 00-style secret agent, getting caught up in ski chases and going through women like his personal supply of tissue paper and everything. Only the SPECTRE-like organization has developed a technology that eavesdrops on people mating, and so can tell when women are calling out the equivalent of "oh, James...!" but with Zabivaka's name instead, of course, and then boom they've got him dead to rights I guess, they'd know exactly where he is and can assassinate him Numbers 25:8 style. And soo so so soo Zabivaka enacts a complex gambit, becoming the 2018 Russia FIFA World Cup mascot, which causes a bunch of erotic fanart to be made of him and turning him into a memetic sex god, and then the SPECTREy people can't tell whether the myriad people calling out Zabivaka's name in the throes of passion are actually with Zabivaka at the time or just fantasizing that they are.
Or at least, that's reading between the lines. The dream itself lasted maybe all of 5 seconds. But I extrapolated the gambits from there.
(Background for the uninitiated. Mild yiff ahoy. Natch.)
OHMSS is certainly something. That ending, man... Followed up by Diamonds Are Forever, a personal favorite of mine (because I have no shame, and seriously how could anyone top a moon rover car chase?), with Connery back in the saddle for one last canonical outing, which means that Lazenby's only Bond in, like, just the one I think?
Hailing from the 1990s as I do (and I never thought that that would make me feel old but it does,) my Bond will always be Brosnan, but, that actually has nothing to do with anything and anyway...
I always think that the weekends will be a great place to catch up on homework, but then I get really fatigued and nap in the middle of the day, from 1:00-3:00, and still go around drowsy as if two straight hours wasn't enough- or maybe too much.
This is what I woke up from:
I dreamt that Zabivaka was a 00-style secret agent, getting caught up in ski chases and going through women like his personal supply of tissue paper and everything. Only the SPECTRE-like organization has developed a technology that eavesdrops on people mating, and so can tell when women are calling out the equivalent of "oh, James...!" but with Zabivaka's name instead, of course, and then boom they've got him dead to rights I guess, they'd know exactly where he is and can assassinate him Numbers 25:8 style. And soo so so soo Zabivaka enacts a complex gambit, becoming the 2018 Russia FIFA World Cup mascot, which causes a bunch of erotic fanart to be made of him and turning him into a memetic sex god, and then the SPECTREy people can't tell whether the myriad people calling out Zabivaka's name in the throes of passion are actually with Zabivaka at the time or just fantasizing that they are.
Or at least, that's reading between the lines. The dream itself lasted maybe all of 5 seconds. But I extrapolated the gambits from there.
(Background for the uninitiated. Mild yiff ahoy. Natch.)
Friday, May 5, 2017
MPQ Rocket and Groot
I'd been going to illustrate this with GIFs I'd been going to make, but Adobe AfterEffects does not seem to be working anywhere, even on the school's computers and certainly not mine, so all I can do is throw my hands up and go, [makes hands-throw-up-in-air-motion.]
Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 is out, and I have seen it and there aren't any Spider-Man: Homecoming spoilers which is good, but what I really want to focus on is the new Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 tie-in Rocket and Groot character in Marvel Puzzle Quest, how awesome that is. I guess I could dedicate a little time to the film, if only to say that now that Marvel Studios know that they're going to hit it out of the park with every film they make and can afford to be a little bolder in their filmmaking choices, the choice that they choose to make recently is to make their films, just, super wise, for some reason, and that just bends my mind. But MPQ anyway.
(I've already shown that video, but it serves as an excellent refresher.)
Each character in Marvel Puzzle Quest has its own set of moves they can make- each character has three special abilities, powered by AP of a certain color: my most powerful character, 5-Star Jean Grey (Phoenix,) for example, has a Psychic Flames ability which costs 9 red AP to use, a From the Ashes ability that's passive (costing 0 green AP to use) but which can become a Phoenix Force that costs 9 green AP to use, and a Psychic Rapport ability that would cost 7 purple AP to use were I actually in possession of that power (you need comic book covers to upgrade your powers, and I only have 2 Jean Grey covers, one for her green power and one for her red.) These powers can be of any of the existing colors, like how 3-Star Black Panther (T'Challa) has yellow, blue, and black powers; I'm just using Jean Grey as an example.
Now, each power in the game is unique, there may be others like them, other powers similar, but only that version of that character has that exactly particular ability. So it's got to be pretty tough coming up with a unique powerset, right, and then balancing the powers out so that the game doesn't break. There's probably a dude, or a whole team of dudes, in charge of just coming up with those.
When a power is activated, there's usually a little animation that swoops in, that illustrates the character putting their power into play so that it makes as much sense as it can, thematically, representing this superhero battle with match-3 gems- sorry, power orbs, thanks, Blake Anderson. Little bits of motion design, anyway. There's probably, they probs need just one person to do that for them, but they do a good job.
Which brings me back to the new 4-star legendary character, Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2,) as showcased in the current run of the recurring Meet Rocket & Groot story arc (long story short, Mystique steals a sprig of Groot's to build a Groot army, so you have to travel to Latveria to steal it back/destroy it.) This time, they're using the art from the new 4-star version of the character (usually they use the art from the 3-star version, Rocket & Groot (Most Wanted), is basically what makes this one special. (This time, Groot's riding Rocket's shoulder, instead of vice-versa!)) Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2) is great. The art's great, as per frickin' usual, but what I wanted to focus on was the power set and the motion design on the character.
Would be a lot better if AfterEffects were available, so you could actually see what I'm talking about; I mean, I've got the footage, just no way to edit it really...
EDIT: ha, I just said "edit." But this is real; I've got it, anyway.
There's also sound design to accompany the motion, nice "boom boom boom"s with each footstep Baby Groot makes during "I Aaaaaam Groooooot!" that kind of thing, but still you can really see the school of thought and some of the techniques behind the motion design they use in MPQ- probably took the art, took it into Adobe AfterEffects, set some keyframes for the position and the scale- it's ridiculously easy and it looks great, especially if you're practiced in some of the principles of animation and the easy ease tool. They also apparently use drag frames, I think they're called, quite a bit- it's the little fadey lag of motion blur after movement here.
What's clever about the Atomic Bomb tile is that if it is allowed to count all the way down to the end it deals damage to the enemy team- but if it's matched before then, it deals damage to the enemy team but also deals some to your team. Meanwhile, as long as the atomic bomb tile is on the board, the passive I Aaaaaam Groooooot! power makes a match for you using the same AI that the game uses for the enemy team's turns- so it could be really good for you, but there's also a chance that Baby Groot there's gunna match your Atomic Bomb tile and everyone's gonna get sprayed. It's fun and clever and perfectly fits the climax of Volume 2. That's just way good.
So yeah. Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2) is just an all-around well-done character, y'all.
Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 is out, and I have seen it and there aren't any Spider-Man: Homecoming spoilers which is good, but what I really want to focus on is the new Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 tie-in Rocket and Groot character in Marvel Puzzle Quest, how awesome that is. I guess I could dedicate a little time to the film, if only to say that now that Marvel Studios know that they're going to hit it out of the park with every film they make and can afford to be a little bolder in their filmmaking choices, the choice that they choose to make recently is to make their films, just, super wise, for some reason, and that just bends my mind. But MPQ anyway.
(I've already shown that video, but it serves as an excellent refresher.)
Each character in Marvel Puzzle Quest has its own set of moves they can make- each character has three special abilities, powered by AP of a certain color: my most powerful character, 5-Star Jean Grey (Phoenix,) for example, has a Psychic Flames ability which costs 9 red AP to use, a From the Ashes ability that's passive (costing 0 green AP to use) but which can become a Phoenix Force that costs 9 green AP to use, and a Psychic Rapport ability that would cost 7 purple AP to use were I actually in possession of that power (you need comic book covers to upgrade your powers, and I only have 2 Jean Grey covers, one for her green power and one for her red.) These powers can be of any of the existing colors, like how 3-Star Black Panther (T'Challa) has yellow, blue, and black powers; I'm just using Jean Grey as an example.
Now, each power in the game is unique, there may be others like them, other powers similar, but only that version of that character has that exactly particular ability. So it's got to be pretty tough coming up with a unique powerset, right, and then balancing the powers out so that the game doesn't break. There's probably a dude, or a whole team of dudes, in charge of just coming up with those.
When a power is activated, there's usually a little animation that swoops in, that illustrates the character putting their power into play so that it makes as much sense as it can, thematically, representing this superhero battle with match-3 gems- sorry, power orbs, thanks, Blake Anderson. Little bits of motion design, anyway. There's probably, they probs need just one person to do that for them, but they do a good job.
Which brings me back to the new 4-star legendary character, Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2,) as showcased in the current run of the recurring Meet Rocket & Groot story arc (long story short, Mystique steals a sprig of Groot's to build a Groot army, so you have to travel to Latveria to steal it back/destroy it.) This time, they're using the art from the new 4-star version of the character (usually they use the art from the 3-star version, Rocket & Groot (Most Wanted), is basically what makes this one special. (This time, Groot's riding Rocket's shoulder, instead of vice-versa!)) Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2) is great. The art's great, as per frickin' usual, but what I wanted to focus on was the power set and the motion design on the character.
Would be a lot better if AfterEffects were available, so you could actually see what I'm talking about; I mean, I've got the footage, just no way to edit it really...
EDIT: ha, I just said "edit." But this is real; I've got it, anyway.
There's also sound design to accompany the motion, nice "boom boom boom"s with each footstep Baby Groot makes during "I Aaaaaam Groooooot!" that kind of thing, but still you can really see the school of thought and some of the techniques behind the motion design they use in MPQ- probably took the art, took it into Adobe AfterEffects, set some keyframes for the position and the scale- it's ridiculously easy and it looks great, especially if you're practiced in some of the principles of animation and the easy ease tool. They also apparently use drag frames, I think they're called, quite a bit- it's the little fadey lag of motion blur after movement here.
Let's talk about the power set for a bit. They managed to get pretty clever and thematic with this set- there's a 12-cost blue power called Rocket's Pack, ostensibly based off of the Aero Rig concept seen in the new movie- it creates a blue countdown tile that deals damage and creates a black attack tile (pummeling the enemy at the end of your turn,) as though Rocket's zipping around the battlefield. Pretty clever, I suppose, and incredibly powerful if you have it advanced enough. There's a passive yellow power, Welcome to the Team, which at the beginning of the battle creates strike tiles (increasing the damage you deal with each match,) but makes the strike tile more powerful if there's another character on your team with the affiliation of Guardians of the Galaxy- that's pretty clever here; you don't see team affiliations used very much outside of the odd Team Cap/Team Iron Man based power, and even then I can't think of more than one or two powers that use those. This power also ties into the movie with the whole "welcome to the frickin' Guardians of the Galaxy" bit.
The power that I really find especially clever and thematic, though, is this two-fer I've added GIFs of here: "Don't Push This Button," a 10-cost green power, which when activated places down a special "Atomic Bomb" 3-turn countdown tile and becomes "I Aaaaaam Groooooot!"
What's clever about the Atomic Bomb tile is that if it is allowed to count all the way down to the end it deals damage to the enemy team- but if it's matched before then, it deals damage to the enemy team but also deals some to your team. Meanwhile, as long as the atomic bomb tile is on the board, the passive I Aaaaaam Groooooot! power makes a match for you using the same AI that the game uses for the enemy team's turns- so it could be really good for you, but there's also a chance that Baby Groot there's gunna match your Atomic Bomb tile and everyone's gonna get sprayed. It's fun and clever and perfectly fits the climax of Volume 2. That's just way good.
So yeah. Rocket & Groot (Awesome Mix Volume 2) is just an all-around well-done character, y'all.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Art Night
Art nights at Carla's are Thursdays; the next task party night is the 18th. Without tasks to complete things are more relaxed, but art night is getting bigger (had to help being in a second table). It's my first non-task-party art night, but they're every week, art nights. Feels safe there.
And I'm worn out right now, but I've got more to say potentially..
I felt safe. I wasn’t sure how I liked it.
There was a, man I forget what it’s called, it’s like Mexican tarot, or something, only there’s a whole lot more trump suits and it has nothing to do with tarot and the fact that there’s even a “the world” card is sheer coincidence- 52 cards, I think, but in sequence and each is themed, like the tarot suit in that regard. And the art night had recreated that, card by card, with imaginative reimagining and recreation of the cards, with the original posted up next to it, on the wall, 3rd floor of the Spori where art is posted up.
This time we’re working on a flip-face book, like the amazing faces book that’s split up into slats and you can flip and change the character’s nose, or eyes, or neck, or hair, in any combination resulting in some really unique and interesting faces. I work on mine. My guy’s got three noses, a unicycle for an eye, city for hair. There’s a couple of guys talking about DeviantArt.
- What’s that trend called, [the one guy says, the one more leftish to where I'm over my drawing,] I’ve been seeing a lot recently, where it’s like human/dog hybrids for some reason?
- It’s called “being a furry.”
That is 100% the real quote. The other guy doesn't seem to have ever heard of that. In some corner of myself, I thought, and here comes the mocking. But it didn’t come. He just… explained it further.
-The animals themselves are called -- and he stumbled over the word “anthropomorphized.”
His sister draws that kind of thing, and does so well and adorably. So no mocking. Bad Sonic fanart was brought up, looked at, laughed at, but even then it was just the bad stuff, the good stuff was genuinely respected. When I missed all those posts, the 23rd 24th 25th, I was watching porn late into the night. Not necessarily porn, maybe Indiana Jones movies or something, but the narrative’s “cleaner” this way if I say it was porn (quotation marks because irony.) I’d gone for two weeks without, saying I could allow myself porn later, I’m going to masturbate again but it’s going to be exclusively furry stuff- trying to wean myself off. And it worked. I went without pornography and masturbation for two weeks, until the weekend of the first week of school, which was my scheduled time for it. I don’t even think furry porn is hot- I mean, it’s hot, but I don’t find it arousing, and I’ve only ever masturbated to it to say that I did, and later on wishing that I could say that I didn’t. So you’d figure it’d be perfect to wean me off. So I did that. And after this, I said, it’s going to be three weeks, and I’m going to allow human stuff. But after allowing myself to masturbate once, after those two weeks were up, for a day- and it was a vaguely defined period of time, or at least I made the excuse that it was- I just kept doing it. There’s this 1975 French erotic fantasy film called The Beast, I’m not going to say it was the first mainstream furry porn because even the Fritz the Cat sequel had come out by this point (9 Lives of Fritz the Cat, which reportedly both Bakshi and Crumb hated; I haven’t actually seen that one yet…) but it’s way hot, and I definitely consider it yiff because the climax is literally werewolf(-with-horse-penis!) rape, and there’s gobs of cum, and it’s consensual by the end of course (at which point there’s even more cum, like seriously, there’s so much cum in that movie, and she’s rubbing it all over her chest and he keeps on spooging it on her and it’s sooo hot.) Ryan out of town again, I stayed up all night, pulling an all-nighter in my room masturbating to girly stuff on YouTube- I’d long ago, by this time, dropped the stipulation that the pornography need be furry. I didn’t orgasm, then, because that’s no fun; it just kind of wound down but I nabbed maybe 15 minutes of sleep after the sun’d already come up, and woke up, and jerked all the way off, just in bed there. And was overcome with tremendous guilt, and a realization of how far I’d sunk. I still should go see the bishop, but after my purging shower I deleted all my files of human stuff, including the The Beast stuff since face it most of the hotness from that is human, but I kept all my real yiff; there’s a very good reason that that’s still acceptable which I’m going to explain hereafter, so yeah I kept that (somewhere along the line the first image in my yiff file folder got set as my desktop background, and I’m rolling with it; cutsily, I clothe her in desktop icons.) And instead of feeling sorry for myself all day, I went to go to Big Jud’s, and I’ve already told the rest of the story. But keeping the yiff- I’d already drawn some softcore yiff in my brand new sketchbook, in commemoration of my then-upcoming goal to keep it furry from then on, and I drew a bunch of hardcore stuff here now during the still-furry part of the, autoorgy, masturbathon, fapfest, whatever. Wankapalooza. And it cooled my jets a bit, like looking at the cats instead of the breasts when you masturbate to kittiesntitties.tumblr.org. You could spend hours and hours there, on that site, because whenever things get too hot you can just look at the kitties instead. It was like that. Only, different, as well. On my mission, I drew this horse, anthropomorphic horse, huge penis, like, huge, huge penis, large enough to fit a couple of anthros in his peehole themselves having sex with each other in there. It was based off this dream, this idea of this horse from this dream, “feral” but still as well-endowed to put that image of possibility into my head, and I’m like, hmm, good idea, and I drew it in the sketchpad that I had then. And I should have felt guilty, I thought, but instead I felt the spirit, which confused me, and was the subject of much prayer, pondering and journalwriting. And I still feel the holy ghost when I look at furry porn- that’s not possible to fake, right?- and I think it must have something to do with a spiritual witness of how sacred procreation is, even if I’m watching it being depicted done with a bunch of male huskies climaxing all over each other, or anything else that would be in itself considered outside of the bounds set by the Lord. So even after the masturbation, and by after I mean even without masturbation, I’ve got yiff to replace it, something I can do, drawing that instead of twerking my turkey jerky. It's good, but is it right? I can't see any other option. It's some kind of sublimation for those thoughts, and celebration of furriness allows me to feel accepted, avoid addictive behaviors.
He shows us some of his sister's stuff on his phone- like I said, she's well and adorable. One of the reasons I showed up to art night, so intrigued, is some of the card art from the Mexican thing, the first card's a rooster if that helps any, that pinged my furdar. There's a girl who comes here, I've seen her around, who'd done that; she speaks in a Greek (?) accent which I'd forgotten about. She's briefly mentioned in the conversation as a potential furry artist present, as I guess the convo winds down or switches to other things, other strange fan art on the internet after the Sonic stuff.
Safety. Acceptance. And I don't want to feel safe because too much feels like enabling instead of acceptance, it feels like you shouldn't be accepting this. I find the Star Wars cosplayers freaks, I wouldn't dress up like that, wear normal clothes act normal acts do normal behavior, but, I'd wear a fursuit; don't let me feel safe. I'm no great fan of whimsy and yet I love this; don't enable me. I stand against tattooing and piercing like what's wrong with your body it's fine unmodified, yet I picture myself with a fluffy tail and pointy furry ears as I walk to class. It's our own form of worship, our own God, don't let us worship at these idolatrous altars, just force us to fit in like everyone else; there's no great difference between something righteous and something sinful, and you can't tell it and I can't tell it. All ethics is is playing by the rules and you're telling us to stand out from the crowd; it doesn't matter if you can't see a square inch of skin on us it's the ultimate immodesty. Everything about it feels hypocritical and wrong and I feel safe here, where there's creativity and instruments and assorted cheeses and well-read books; why is it that the educated ones are the most creative and artistic, does that make sense?
It's like there's a paradox there.
And I'm worn out right now, but I've got more to say potentially..
- - - - -
I felt safe. I wasn’t sure how I liked it.
There was a, man I forget what it’s called, it’s like Mexican tarot, or something, only there’s a whole lot more trump suits and it has nothing to do with tarot and the fact that there’s even a “the world” card is sheer coincidence- 52 cards, I think, but in sequence and each is themed, like the tarot suit in that regard. And the art night had recreated that, card by card, with imaginative reimagining and recreation of the cards, with the original posted up next to it, on the wall, 3rd floor of the Spori where art is posted up.
This time we’re working on a flip-face book, like the amazing faces book that’s split up into slats and you can flip and change the character’s nose, or eyes, or neck, or hair, in any combination resulting in some really unique and interesting faces. I work on mine. My guy’s got three noses, a unicycle for an eye, city for hair. There’s a couple of guys talking about DeviantArt.
- What’s that trend called, [the one guy says, the one more leftish to where I'm over my drawing,] I’ve been seeing a lot recently, where it’s like human/dog hybrids for some reason?
- It’s called “being a furry.”
That is 100% the real quote. The other guy doesn't seem to have ever heard of that. In some corner of myself, I thought, and here comes the mocking. But it didn’t come. He just… explained it further.
-The animals themselves are called -- and he stumbled over the word “anthropomorphized.”
His sister draws that kind of thing, and does so well and adorably. So no mocking. Bad Sonic fanart was brought up, looked at, laughed at, but even then it was just the bad stuff, the good stuff was genuinely respected. When I missed all those posts, the 23rd 24th 25th, I was watching porn late into the night. Not necessarily porn, maybe Indiana Jones movies or something, but the narrative’s “cleaner” this way if I say it was porn (quotation marks because irony.) I’d gone for two weeks without, saying I could allow myself porn later, I’m going to masturbate again but it’s going to be exclusively furry stuff- trying to wean myself off. And it worked. I went without pornography and masturbation for two weeks, until the weekend of the first week of school, which was my scheduled time for it. I don’t even think furry porn is hot- I mean, it’s hot, but I don’t find it arousing, and I’ve only ever masturbated to it to say that I did, and later on wishing that I could say that I didn’t. So you’d figure it’d be perfect to wean me off. So I did that. And after this, I said, it’s going to be three weeks, and I’m going to allow human stuff. But after allowing myself to masturbate once, after those two weeks were up, for a day- and it was a vaguely defined period of time, or at least I made the excuse that it was- I just kept doing it. There’s this 1975 French erotic fantasy film called The Beast, I’m not going to say it was the first mainstream furry porn because even the Fritz the Cat sequel had come out by this point (9 Lives of Fritz the Cat, which reportedly both Bakshi and Crumb hated; I haven’t actually seen that one yet…) but it’s way hot, and I definitely consider it yiff because the climax is literally werewolf(-with-horse-penis!) rape, and there’s gobs of cum, and it’s consensual by the end of course (at which point there’s even more cum, like seriously, there’s so much cum in that movie, and she’s rubbing it all over her chest and he keeps on spooging it on her and it’s sooo hot.) Ryan out of town again, I stayed up all night, pulling an all-nighter in my room masturbating to girly stuff on YouTube- I’d long ago, by this time, dropped the stipulation that the pornography need be furry. I didn’t orgasm, then, because that’s no fun; it just kind of wound down but I nabbed maybe 15 minutes of sleep after the sun’d already come up, and woke up, and jerked all the way off, just in bed there. And was overcome with tremendous guilt, and a realization of how far I’d sunk. I still should go see the bishop, but after my purging shower I deleted all my files of human stuff, including the The Beast stuff since face it most of the hotness from that is human, but I kept all my real yiff; there’s a very good reason that that’s still acceptable which I’m going to explain hereafter, so yeah I kept that (somewhere along the line the first image in my yiff file folder got set as my desktop background, and I’m rolling with it; cutsily, I clothe her in desktop icons.) And instead of feeling sorry for myself all day, I went to go to Big Jud’s, and I’ve already told the rest of the story. But keeping the yiff- I’d already drawn some softcore yiff in my brand new sketchbook, in commemoration of my then-upcoming goal to keep it furry from then on, and I drew a bunch of hardcore stuff here now during the still-furry part of the, autoorgy, masturbathon, fapfest, whatever. Wankapalooza. And it cooled my jets a bit, like looking at the cats instead of the breasts when you masturbate to kittiesntitties.tumblr.org. You could spend hours and hours there, on that site, because whenever things get too hot you can just look at the kitties instead. It was like that. Only, different, as well. On my mission, I drew this horse, anthropomorphic horse, huge penis, like, huge, huge penis, large enough to fit a couple of anthros in his peehole themselves having sex with each other in there. It was based off this dream, this idea of this horse from this dream, “feral” but still as well-endowed to put that image of possibility into my head, and I’m like, hmm, good idea, and I drew it in the sketchpad that I had then. And I should have felt guilty, I thought, but instead I felt the spirit, which confused me, and was the subject of much prayer, pondering and journalwriting. And I still feel the holy ghost when I look at furry porn- that’s not possible to fake, right?- and I think it must have something to do with a spiritual witness of how sacred procreation is, even if I’m watching it being depicted done with a bunch of male huskies climaxing all over each other, or anything else that would be in itself considered outside of the bounds set by the Lord. So even after the masturbation, and by after I mean even without masturbation, I’ve got yiff to replace it, something I can do, drawing that instead of twerking my turkey jerky. It's good, but is it right? I can't see any other option. It's some kind of sublimation for those thoughts, and celebration of furriness allows me to feel accepted, avoid addictive behaviors.
He shows us some of his sister's stuff on his phone- like I said, she's well and adorable. One of the reasons I showed up to art night, so intrigued, is some of the card art from the Mexican thing, the first card's a rooster if that helps any, that pinged my furdar. There's a girl who comes here, I've seen her around, who'd done that; she speaks in a Greek (?) accent which I'd forgotten about. She's briefly mentioned in the conversation as a potential furry artist present, as I guess the convo winds down or switches to other things, other strange fan art on the internet after the Sonic stuff.
Safety. Acceptance. And I don't want to feel safe because too much feels like enabling instead of acceptance, it feels like you shouldn't be accepting this. I find the Star Wars cosplayers freaks, I wouldn't dress up like that, wear normal clothes act normal acts do normal behavior, but, I'd wear a fursuit; don't let me feel safe. I'm no great fan of whimsy and yet I love this; don't enable me. I stand against tattooing and piercing like what's wrong with your body it's fine unmodified, yet I picture myself with a fluffy tail and pointy furry ears as I walk to class. It's our own form of worship, our own God, don't let us worship at these idolatrous altars, just force us to fit in like everyone else; there's no great difference between something righteous and something sinful, and you can't tell it and I can't tell it. All ethics is is playing by the rules and you're telling us to stand out from the crowd; it doesn't matter if you can't see a square inch of skin on us it's the ultimate immodesty. Everything about it feels hypocritical and wrong and I feel safe here, where there's creativity and instruments and assorted cheeses and well-read books; why is it that the educated ones are the most creative and artistic, does that make sense?
It's like there's a paradox there.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
A Problem Defined, Yet with No Solution in Sight
Doing immensely ambitious and extremely creative projects for my classes isn't magically going to make me not suck at graphic design the way I do. I act like it will, nonetheless.
I had scheduled it out for this summer to be the time when I finally start working on getting the basics down and get good, but I've got design classes this semester, before summer, so I... I don't know. It's a bit late (but never too late!) to get started. I was on the ball of things my first semester, my second semester too I think; it wasn't until I finished the prereq classes and, taking the more advanced classes, realized how bad I am, did I get worse, through being overly ambitious and getting far later behind than mere procrastination can account for.
That's my working model, at least.
Moral of the story: ambition is evil.
I can't get a BFA without applying for one and getting selected- I won't get selected without an impressive resume- I can't have an impressive resume without being good- I can't be good if I don't practice- and I can't practice with all this homework assigned me, and I won't practice unless it's homework assigned me, because I can't practice with all this homework assigned me. But if it's homework I'm only going to get ambitious about it. So it's like a catch-22 made out of stupid.
I had scheduled it out for this summer to be the time when I finally start working on getting the basics down and get good, but I've got design classes this semester, before summer, so I... I don't know. It's a bit late (but never too late!) to get started. I was on the ball of things my first semester, my second semester too I think; it wasn't until I finished the prereq classes and, taking the more advanced classes, realized how bad I am, did I get worse, through being overly ambitious and getting far later behind than mere procrastination can account for.
That's my working model, at least.
Moral of the story: ambition is evil.
I can't get a BFA without applying for one and getting selected- I won't get selected without an impressive resume- I can't have an impressive resume without being good- I can't be good if I don't practice- and I can't practice with all this homework assigned me, and I won't practice unless it's homework assigned me, because I can't practice with all this homework assigned me. But if it's homework I'm only going to get ambitious about it. So it's like a catch-22 made out of stupid.
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
After After the Film
More untold history from Friday: after the movie, after the after-movie discussion, I went into the computer lab to, do something computery I think- I recall not really needing one of those computers, but a computer, and being too lazy/in a hurry to go home to use my laptop; I think I needed to check a schedule thing.
People were in there, discussing Moana: the woman who brings it up feels that there's no character development or conflict in the character of Moana: as a child she wanted to go to sea, as she grew up she accepted her responsibility as protector of the island, and now --how convenient-- she needs to go to sea in order to protect the island, tra-la-la.
Having just gotten out of a discussion of a film, where people had picked up on like themes or whatever which I had completely missed in my own personal viewing, I was intrigued by the what-the-heck-ness of it all: are we as a society so used to analyzing storytelling techniques that we do it as part of our enjoyment process of a story, we do it just secondhand without thinking, or what?
And then she said something about how she still likes Harry Potter even though it's mainstream now, and I realize, oh, these aren't normies, this isn't a normie conversation. Normies talk about relationships and stuff when they talk to each other; I've seen it firsthand that's what they do. Which means that this non-normie conversation, about non-normie things... doesn't count, or something.
Disappointing.
People were in there, discussing Moana: the woman who brings it up feels that there's no character development or conflict in the character of Moana: as a child she wanted to go to sea, as she grew up she accepted her responsibility as protector of the island, and now --how convenient-- she needs to go to sea in order to protect the island, tra-la-la.
Having just gotten out of a discussion of a film, where people had picked up on like themes or whatever which I had completely missed in my own personal viewing, I was intrigued by the what-the-heck-ness of it all: are we as a society so used to analyzing storytelling techniques that we do it as part of our enjoyment process of a story, we do it just secondhand without thinking, or what?
And then she said something about how she still likes Harry Potter even though it's mainstream now, and I realize, oh, these aren't normies, this isn't a normie conversation. Normies talk about relationships and stuff when they talk to each other; I've seen it firsthand that's what they do. Which means that this non-normie conversation, about non-normie things... doesn't count, or something.
Disappointing.
Monday, May 1, 2017
2017 Blues
What's the matter with me this year? Last semester I'm not sure if I got a single A, and this semester though I feel more on top of things, I keep on realizing there's essential school materials I lack, and like turns out that the module due in interaction design was heftier than I'd thought? I got it done and turned in on time, but that doesn't mean that I'm up to speed in my information design class... again... and now look at me. Just barely turning in a post for the day. Disgraceful.
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