404ing at Life

Sleep is good because my dreams have been chock
alock
full of gambits for Finn Michael Moone to pull, recently. I'm writing those still! 100% I'm writing those still. I mean, I'm majoring with a design in emphasis graphic, and I'm businessing with a work in screenprinting, and all work I've been motivated lately to do is filmmaking which is the art I love to make most but which has zero correspondence to any classes this semester, and it's another art night and this time we made buttons and like nobody shew up, at least compared with last week.

But
maybe it's the problems with school I've been having this year generally, like maybe it has to do with my latest At-a-Glance not matching my At-a-Glancing style even remotely which causes me to be inefficient or whatever, or maybe it's just me realizing these last few semesters how much I truly do stink at my major proffered me and chosen by self, but
man I don't know if graphic design is even a good fit for me or whatever, but maybe I'm too far down this path to really change it, so I've got no choice to either get good or just abjectly fail?

But it's something I find pretty interesting
but I continually fail to grasp (or at least apply) basic concepts
but there's a whole summer and autumn to practice and maybe get good then before my next semester after this one. I'm not sure when to hold them or fold them and I generally don't like folding them in the first place
I mean it's not like other majors don't have classwork or anything, so not switching my major or emphasis would be the more efficient of the other options, but would it be the best?
so.

My plan all along was to switch majors in a sense; would it be switching majors then not to switch majors? I'm referring to my plan to apply for the BFA program. Would I be upgrading to a BFA just because I can? It's increasingly feeling like that. You have to be y'know good at what you do to do that, and so there's a patina of prestige to it as well, but why would I get more intensive in something I'm not currently good at (no excuse) but also am not enjoying that much because of it?

I'd totally stay in school for years and years until I get it right but I don't have that luxury, especially here they're so bent on getting you out of school so that other people can attend
like I guess it's a housing issue but this semester our apartment complex has got loads of apartments with nobody staying in 'em, just totally empty. there's an eclipse coming up and there are apartments renting out room for eclipse watchers, there's gonna be such an influx of folk so maybe that'll happen then
but man I don't know, in the real world I've just gotta get good quick or fold 'em. Why is so much of our grade in graphic design based on our skill of graphic design? Sounds obvious, I mean, but can't there be room in like a graphic design studio for a dude who sux at designing but has awesome ideas? Graphic design is like 90% coming up with divergent presentations of ideas; the design part itself is just a contest of spitpolish. 
I'm always as always way too ambitious in my projects
why do they have us choose what to do for these projects; I betcha other majors they just tell you what to do (what do people even do in non-art classes do they even have projects or do they just sit around and learn that way? well maybe.)

Why would I care about what graphic design studios even do or have room for if that's not even what I want to do? I already do what I want to do. That's all anyone does, is what they've got the motivation to do. Lately all I've been motivated to do is curl up in some corner somewhere and rock back and forth. I don't even stim; man maybe it'd be a good idea to, you're autistic, d'astit, act like it. I mean, I've, flicked my pinkie finger, but not really as a stim as such. Wacking my hand against my chest repeatedly, retard-style, that feels good, but I never got into the hobby of it. Is getting limpwristed, abjectly effeminate, is that a form of stimming? Or does it just mean, other things? But curling up in a ball, anyway- I've lacked much motivation lately: I'm such a screwup. Can't remember the last time I've been competent at anything. My special talent is sucking at everything I try my hand at. Fun stuff. I guess everybody compares their worst against others' bests; a lot of the best screenwriters in the world are actually bad at screenwriting which is what makes them so good. Everyone screws up all the time.

But I'm the only one who takes it personally.