And If Not

   Still on the points I brought up yesterday. The idea that I'll never break in, since I don't know anyone like how Nancy Fulda is Howard Tayler's sister-in-law, and both of these people are awesome, so awesomeness might be some kind of exclusive club. I realize that might be a fallacy, but still, that very idea is a... bummer? Sure, that's a word.

   Alright, I'm willing to chalk that one up really to the (fact?) that writers who attend workshops and have communities write more successfully. My fandom of Howard Tayler and my fandom of Nancy Fulda were quite independent of one another, though, and to discover how closely related they are is a little discouraging. I'm still not really in the mood to do things, with the soul crushing idea that odds of becoming successful are stacked against me. Incentive to work harder? Perhaps. I'm already more successful than most people could ever be, in a lot of aspects. I continue to do what I do. If no one cares, it won't matter anyway, so I might as well, so why not? 

   But I don't feel like I could do the things the great ones in the field can do. Inexperience. Yes, could be. I'm still just so young. I've got loads of time. I guess that's a good thing. But the future remains a mystery. It might not come to me at all.

   Would I find worth living still, if it doesn't? I survive on the hope that one day I might be able to share stories with the world (I can still do that, and I am doing that, but, I'm not finished with the sentence yet.) ...and the world would care. See, that's the thing. My entire worldview of leading a worthy life is based around being important. I hinted at that in the first point on my hundredth post. There's a lot behind that, but really, it's just so little. Such a small core.

   So that's why this idea hits me so closely, I suppose. If I could never get in or get a big break. Though with On Our Own that might have already happened, if it turns out successfully. My goodness, that's awesome. I am a part of that. Here's praying that goes places. Worst case scenario, that'd make a good point on my resume. My filmography? Okay, so I break into motion pictures and/or television. From there, with enough success in that, people would care what I have to say, and... Mm. Yeah, that'd still... But, still.

   Alright. Better.