Re: Yesterday's Cryptic Twinkies Reference

   Back on the regular schedule again, which means that it's been just 14 1/2 hours since my last post instead of the standard 24. (24 hours between posts- hey, I should totally do a 24 hour comic between my posts one of these days! That'd be so awesome. Like, one post is all, "okay, I'm gonna make a totally awesome comic book now, you guys," and the next post is all, "okay, I'm done, check it out, you guys." Yeah, maybe some day.) Anyway, at the end of that post (which means the most recent part of that post, I guess,) I referred to eating a lot of Twinkies. Let me explain.

   I ate so many Twinkies because the Twinkies were just flying all over. And the Twinkies were flying all over because everyone (meaning- and I guess I'm getting this specific now because of how awesome it is: a man named Brother Whale, pronounced two syllables: "Wally," and that's what's so awesome-) was buying Twinkies. And everyone was buying Twinkies because- hold on and let me stop right there. My mother just discovered my last Twinkie from my lunch bag, and she said, quote: "Oh, a Twinkie! You know that's going to be worth a lot of money one day... When Hostess goes out of business." So I guess I've been preempted to it right there:

    Hostess totally went out of business you guys! Or at least went bankrupt. While that doesn't necessarily mean no more Twinkies, that's what everybody seemed to be acting like. No more Hostess. 18,000 employees laid off. I'm not bothering to double-check that figure, but that's the one that was used when everyone was talking about it all morning, so I feel confident that they knew what they were talking about. Also I won't double-check that figure because maybe this was all a hoax just to have an excuse to buy Twinkies and Wonderbread, I don't know. Go out and buy Twinkies! SO MANY delicious Twinkies buy them all! I'm perpetuating it here because even if it were a hoax, it'd be an awesome hoax! Twinkies are supposed to be right now going for something like $10-$20 per Twinkie on the internet right now. Per. Twinkie. Unbelievable? Probably. Once again, this is all just hearsay, and I'm not gonna look that figure up. Why bother to look up the truth when the lies are so awesome? (You can quote me on that, I guess. (Such a mentality might explain a lot of stuff about the human condition and what's going on in the world right now, but, it's true!))

   What was supposed to have happened, I hear, was this: Hostess, being on the verge of going under, threatened bankruptcy if the unions decided to strike, because they'd actually have to go bankrupt if the unions went on strike. Long story, short: "nevertheless."

   Yeah.

   Hostess self-terminated. Like a boss. They made good on their threat, and went out with a bang (of creme filling, probably.) Lessons from this:

1. Hostess, much like Jack Bauer, doesn't negotiate with terrorists. Or, uh, unions. Whatever.
2. Rule number one: Never bluff. No matter how insane the threat is, always make sure you go through with it. Even if it kills you to do it, you'll look cool and you'll just be seen as somehow even more awesome when you do go through with it.
3. Something something unions, some Aesop about self-interest dragging everybody down. Although I'm pretty sure this goes against Aesop's goose-and-gander thing (that was Aesop, right?)
4. Never ever ever do the research, and always rely upon hearsay. You will go far.