Med???

People procrastinate all the time. Especially art students. But for me, I guess I've been feeling lately that it goes beyond that. Even when I want to start, and have no reason not to, with all my materials assembled and in a conductive environment with minimal distractions, I just can't. Because, thinking about the task ahead of me, I freeze up.

I get anxiety even thinking about projects, so I procrastinate (which makes it worse for me when it comes time to do them because the time's just that much further along and there's still the exact same amount of work left to do.) I say I "get anxiety," but let me try to make it clearer for you: even just thinking of what needs to be done, rather than figuring out a way to get on it in a conducive manner, my brain instead goes into fight/flight mode so hardcore that I can't function. Years of conditioning myself have made it so there's no exterior sign of my inward panic, but it's a cussin' party goin' on in there (though very seldom, a party of cussing.)

So I think I may need drugs. 

It was tough to admit that, which I did, to myself and others, last night in the computer lab trying to do homework but panicking instead; calmly explaining my issues out loud and hoping someone would be listening, which nobody did of course, because no one ever listens.

Only, there was someone listening this time after all. She, in response to my having no idea where to even begin in finding the proper medication or even the proper psychiatrist to find me the proper medication, directed me to the counseling center which this school apparently has, and yeah I knew that that exists I guess. But she said that the counseling center has a website that I can access?, and I can't find that from the university main page navigation.

I suppose I could just use the search bar...

Alright, found it. I really make things a lot harder for myself sometimes... more pride than laziness...

Our family doing the no-sugar challenge, with a grace period of 24 hours once a week, last week there was some frozen cookie dough in the freezer which I swept upon at the stroke of midnight Sunday. This week I'm having pop and popcorn with my Spider-Man on Thursday, and though the pop shall be diet I still consider it to be in the spirit of sweets; I refrain from eating sugar elsewhere in the week during weeks where I order popcorn and soda to go with my cinema ticket. 

It's the start of this new week, and boy were there a lot of temptations last week; like the BFA showcase had its open house and verily the only thing they were serving besides water was cookies... I was the only one who showed up to Art Night on Wednesday, and there were these wafery cookies there; I've still got them in the fridge because I had to take some, even if I can't eat any...