Grade Tanks

I wasn't sure how long I'd be without wifi after the family reunion in Utah (turns out zero days; place did have it) so I prescheduled a bunch of posts in a row, and yesterday's post went up like 2:09 am because I forgot to specify the time to be 11:30 pm when I prescheduled it so it defaulted to the time of day at which I prescheduled it, and so this stuff I have to say today as a follow-up to the train of thought I've been poking down, would be even better yesterday as part (or even replacement to) that post (which was mostly repetitive of earlier sentiment anyway, mostly scrapped material written for an earlier post.) But looking at it, the main thrust of what I want to say wasn't as cohesive as I'd thought, so it looks like continuing episodicity is for the best.

Uncle Gary was talking day before yesterday about undermotivated students- or, bad students actually, students who didn't care about their grades. The average student right now (in, high school?) is failing at least one class. Even when we set expectations so low that there's no possible way the students can fail... Hence my calling them undermotivated? Makes sense.

I used to be such a good student. We've been over this. It's now on my to-do to look back through my grade reports to math out the precise slip from semester to semester; my first college credit I got an A for the semester, and last semester resulted in a C-abouts. Not my lowest grades ever, so, like I said, I'd have to math it out.

I've mentioned before about GPA and I always thought that the lower the GPA was the better, so we really could have seen this coming; I even explicitly said that 3.0 was a C, I guess nobody bothered to correct me. C was what I aimed for as the average in my classes, and I'm not sure if I did my best because I'm never sure of that, but it felt that way, but I should have aimed for B? Should have done my best, but with whatever degree of anxiety I experience in the face of homework, it was like I had a limited reserve of, homeworkicality, I had to mete out, time to be able to work, yes motivation, and... no matter how I try to put it into words it just feels like an excuse.

Gotta get on some form of medication, but there's a lot I've "got to" do.