Gallos Humor

   Faith in humanity: restored! Though I'm not sure where my faith in humanity went in the first place-- it may have something to do with the fact that I discovered how terrible I am at drawing sans reference, at the same time that a really weird cold front came down, so I just felt really out of it for a bit there? And that somehow wrecked my faith in the potential of the human race for excellence? But this (likewise somehow) restored it!

   So I took the shuttle impetuously on up to Walmart, like I do sometimes instead of walking impetuously up there. The bus track is on a 45-minute loop, making stops at strategic locations, and chilling for a bit in front of the store before it's scheduled to leave again. I never buy anything (unless there are kickin' new Zootopia books I can't find anywhere else of course) and so either I can loiter for 45 minutes for the shuttle to come around again, or just leave on the same shuttle after having done no shopping. This time I loitered.

   The new Walmart here, I keep forgetting, has only one shelf for books- on the reverse side is the single shelf for CDs, and an aisle or two of DVDs. Seasonal displays up, like life-size Star Wars: the Force Awakens cardboard cutouts (because Star Wars is a season now) but also a lot of low-budget Easter movies for kids. And you know what Easter movies for kids means...

   That's right. It's egg pun time. Specifically, for some reason, "egg pun + the word 'adventure'" time. Every. single. time. I'm... I'm not sure how that's possible. But there's only one egg pun in the entire list of egg puns that isn't followed by the word "adventure," in the whole list of movies whose titles or BOBs had an egg pun somewhere, and those being multitudinous (BOB = back of the box.) Each egg pun had to do with an adventure! Each one!

   There's probably a biological component? Something in the eggs' DNA? Eggs being nothing but DNA, this makes sense, I guess. The Baby Looney Tunes' Eggs[picture of an egg instead of a hyphen]traordinary Adventure (Premiere Movie) actually doesn't have any punnage at all on the BOB, which is remarkably rare. We'll be looking at a few repeat offenders down below. 

   So, first (or second?) yeah let's say, second, off, or first not counting the pun-less Baby Looney Tunes thing, first off: 

   Barney Egg-cellent Adventure. Egg? Check. Adventure? Check. Alright, moving on to the BOB:

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   Okay, so, aside from the Barney-isms, which we won't be counting, there's, basket pun, check, second egg pun using a different word this time, check, and invocations of the whole family, check. And the word, "adventures." Check, I guess. Rating: are... are we rating these? Using what scale? 

   Fine, I give it, a full seven, on the Kinsey scale. It's Barney, come on, you always suspected... 

   Poor joke? Poor joke? I'm sorry. I give it, I don't know, four eggs, short of a dozen?

   Next up: Eggy!

   Which name isn't actually a pun. It's just, Eggy. That's, the character's name. The tagline of the film is, "the hunt is on to crack the case," so there's your pun for you right there. This one's from Italy, and, well I'm not sure what its name was originally, actually, but there's talk in the production credits on the BOB of, "Pet Pals," so that might be it? And, sorry, the glare was just really bad in there, I couldn't get a decent shot of this one's title, apparently.

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   Alright, so, first of all: egg-citing, check, adventure, check, points for style for the grammatically incorrect but punny "lays" instead of "lies." That was just, I flipped my lid when I realized that they knew what they were doing.

   Second off: "eggs in one basket" pun, check. Unironic use of the phrase "furry friends," additional awesomeness points. The word "adventure" again, but this time without a pun when using the word "exciting?" All twelve, all twelve eggs, good sir.

   Okay, what the heck is next?

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   D-Dora's, Easter Adventure, alright... This was from a two-pack Dora DVD set, so I've got nothing but the BOB for this one. So, alright, anyway: egg-citing Easter Adventure, pretty chill, pretty chill, and... eh what's this, the Hip-Hop Bunny? Friiiig that's the coolest thing I've heard all day, and with only one pun (egg-based, and followed by the word "adventure!') I'm giving you also, a full dozen eggs. And why the heck not, make that a baker's dozen, I'm feeling generous. Alright, alright, what's next?

    Little Rooster's EGG-CELLENT Adventure, yeah, alright, see, whaddai tell you. I've actually heard of this one, it's like the highest grossing animated film of all time in Mexico, or something. And, though it's a kids' movie, it's a Mexican kids' movie, which means that the original Spanish language version is PG-13 in the states. Which is just, awesome (we got any El Arca fen in the house?)... That's right, the title under the English title, so lovingly and appropriately rendered in all-cap Comic Sans: Un Gallo con Mucho Huevos, a Rooster with a Lotta Bal-- um, Eggs. A lot of eggs. That, that receiving a PG-13 for suggestive content and sexual references? Who'd'a thunk it.

   But those words don't mean all that they do in English! So, we get egg puns. Egg-cellent, check, adventure, check, testicular double-entendre only in Spanish original title, check, moving onto the BOB now:

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   Okay, this, this is the one where the egg pun wasn't followed up almost immediately or at all with the word "adventure." But I'm going to give this one to them, because, "cracking up" pun, check, and then instead of the word "adventure" being anywhere here (it's in the title already anyway) the exact same pun from before is repeated. And that pun involving an invocation of the whole family? Tubular. Totally, totally tubular.

   Ranking: low hanging fruit. You can work out the egg count for yourself... And I'm going to stop myself right there...

   This next one's from China:

   Okay, so, Hatched. Sean Astin, Jeff Foxworthy, and exactly zero other voice actors apparently, throughout the whole film. Usually I crop my photos to just the title of the movie on the DVD cover, but I had to include the whole cover here because, glare strikes again, which I only realized when I got home and began looking through all the photos I'd taken. There's a sooouper alluring anthropomorphic lady chicken-thing right there where the lighting glare exactly is, if you can believe it, and it's just such a perfect censorship that I had to use this one. Dove approved all ages, yeah, I can imagine the things that that avian lady did to get the dove to go along with that...

   (I'm sorry. It's just-- the egg puns, in Spanish. They've corrupted me...)

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   Okay, so, BOB time. First of all, just glancing over the plot and everything, let's see, animal neighbors, an outer space alien named Magic, rescue mission, baby chicks in planes... yep, yep, it's a fairly standard Chinese children's movie plot, alright (I'm not kidding; you seen any Chinese kids' films?) And, scanning through it for puns now, we... oh. my. my oh my.

   Egg rating: you broke them. All the eggs, they're broken now.

   So, yehhh. Like I said, faith in humanity, restored!

   Also, there was We're Back! a Dinosaur's Story on DVD for a steal of $5. If there's one movie I've been meaning to rewatch lately, uuuummmm not counting Zootopia, it's We're Back!. Only my card was in my right breast pocket, in my double-breasted shirt, and I couldn't find it, and the shuttle was to be leaving in 30 seconds, so I was all, man I don't need this, I could just double check at the library I guess to see if it's there this time. And within 30 seconds of the bus pulling away, I found my card. So. Oh well. I got an Amazon Digital Music promotional credit my order of the Zootopia soundtrack, which arrived today, so I guess I can spend that dollar on Roll Back the Rock (to the End of Dawn), which is the only real reason I want to see We're Back! again...