On Mary Sue Hippie Elf Chicks (Or, Why Michonne Should Die)

   I'm not sure how many of you out there in the blogosphere watch the AMC television series The Walking Dead. (Not the Dish Network owners. Zing, I guess? Though Dish does have that thing with the kangaroo. Hopper? That's, like, the ghost of Dennis Hopper inside of your receiver, right? It skips over commercials for you, which I find to be nigh unto absolutely immoral, but that 'roo is like SUPER CUTE.) Even if you don't, you've probably heard the news of Andrea's rescue by a mysterious katana-wielding character who, we will find out this season, goes by the name of Michonne nolastnamegiven. Also, there was a prison, and a bunch of other stuff that's not as cool as that.

   Although she's a major character in the comics, my guess is, she's going to get killed off in the first five minutes of the season premier. Because it'd be awesome. And she's an unrealistic character, in a fairly (aside from the existence of zombies) realistic universe. She's basically a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue who's made some morally heartbreaking choices in the past, but a Katana-wielding waif chick Mary Sue in a gritty zombie universe nonetheless. She's a superhero(ine). And no matter how gritty the gritty superhero film, it's still inherently silly, because it's still about superheroes. (Silly isn't bad; I'm just saying that this approach doesn't work.)

   But, she survives in the comics, and it's been officially confirmed that she's going to make it to future seasons. I hope that, and all the stuff we see her do in the previews, is a lie, to make her death in the first five minutes that much more unexpected. And I expect nothing less. Just like I know how A Good Day to Die Hard is still going to be a 24 crossover, and how we know that the political debates don't matter because they're politicians and could be lying anyway. The universe is just slightly more awesome that way.