Under the Artist's Loving Hand

   The room is wide, with a low ceiling. It is dark save for the worklamp of an artist at his easel, who is applying the finishing touches to the drawing before him. There is a knock on the door; the artist yells out to come in. The door opens: just a crack at first, to let in a harsh splinter of daylight; and then fully, to silhouette two people standing in the doorway. It is a pair of police officers, federal agents by the look of them. A march hare and a spring chicken; an old grizzled male agent and his young eager female trainee. Mind if we ask you a few questions? They close the door behind them, and it is dark once more.

   They are here investigating a mysterious rash of disappearances, and have targeted the artist as a person of interest in the case. The artist is publishing comic books based around the supposed serial killings. The agents are clearly disgusted with him. They know this type. Scumbag. A local struggling artist who found the oppurtunity to make his big break with the shameless exploitation of his hometown on the news, cashing in and making a quick buck off of others' suffering. They are here to question him because he has something to gain from the disappearances. His alibi is solid, though; he was working in the studio all week, no rests or outside breaks, finishing up the comic based on the disapperence of the victim prior to this one. His voice is low and intimate as he explains the facts. All throughout the questioning he studies the agents' faces intently, as if trying to memorize them.

   He is now working on the comic of the latest disapperence, and was just now interrupted during his drawing of the latest victim. That disapearence had happened not a day ago. She was declared officially missing a few hours after that, which is when the agents got the call to come down from Washington. If the artist was just finishing up, he must have begun drawing the moment he got the news, and must have worked doubletime to get this panel done. Once more, it makes the agents sick that the artist is so quick to jump on the misfortunes of others. He has an airtight alibi, though, so he seems in all other ways entirely innocent of wrongdoing. When it's clear that the agents aren't going to get anything from him, they offer the business card and get up to leave.

   Wait, he calls out. I'm finished with this panel. Wouldn't you like to see my work? 

   He turns the easel around for them. The agents gasp in awe, which causes the artist to smile.

   The drawing before them is of the latest victim in her last known location, waving goodbye to her friends as she walks her bike from the local malt shoppe. His work is actually quite good, his figures have an unsurpassed quality of life and vitality. He is excellent, in fact. The figure of the missing is rendered lovingly, every detail seems to pop out in lifelike splendor. Around her, the figures and the background grow sketchy and hazy, allowing the eye's focus to dwell on the masterwork that is the figure in the foreground, more real than a photograph. It is curious that he could not sell anything before, and that he's squandering his talents on such mediocre comics. Many of the details in the cases are notoriously wrong. A lot of what actually happened to the victims in the comics, the sadistic torture they went through, was lurid speculation, contradicting many publicly-available facts. Sloppy writing, poor research, the names of the friends and family of the victims are almost invariably spelled incorrectly. It would be pure schlock if not for the masterful artwork. It's just a shame the artist doesn't apply himself elsewhere.

   The agents continue to consider the drawing before them; the artist continues to study their faces. The agents scan the drawing in gradually waning fascination. The artist leans forward. The agents lose all interest in the piece. The artist sits back. The agents get up and turn to leave. The artist smiles. The young agent turns back, a flicker of something in her eyes. The artist sits upright and curses.

   The young agent studies the drawing for a few more seconds, as if trying to place something, but shrugs it off. She rejoins the older agent, and they begin making their way across the studio. As they do, the artist looks down at the card, at the names on it. They know too much now, he decides. They suspect something. He sits down before the easel once more and flips to the next panel. The artist carefully writes out both of the agents' names in the top left corner, and begins a new drawing there, spiraling out from the center. The agents, silhouetted there in the doorframe, walking out. The very view that he has at this moment, in fact. In the sun, they are abstract shapes. The larger angular mound of the older agent, the less angular wisp of the younger agent. The artist begins filling in details.

   It is interesting to note that the artist never signs his work. He does not write his own name out on any drawings at all. The only place his name appears in the comic is on the solid crimson cover, which has only that, the title, and issue number card. There is power in names, power in depictions. The artist never puts his name anywhere with a picture, as he dares not bring this power against himself. 

   The door closes, but the artist no longer requires the reference. As he draws, the artist can feel the agent's life energy flowing out of them and into the drawing. Shapes spiderweb from the center, seem to fill themselves up on the canvas, inking in the darkness of the outer edges of the panel. It only pains him that he won't be able to report himself accurately in the next issue. But he will be the last one to see these agents alive. More agents will come after this, more agents will come and question. But the artist feels confident that, after this incident, none will come quite as close to discovering the truth. Now he can play the part, now he can be the hysterical grieving last witness, who has no clue what happened to those poor agents, no clue where they went. Yes, he decides, the attention will be drawn away from him quite sufficiently. Quite sufficiently indeed.

Groceries: The Budgeted

   Mmm. Of course budgeting is a word. Stupid, stupid. What did I think I was saying, budgetening? Budgetening. That's not a word, so that works.

   Also, where did I think I would get a waffle maker?

   I thought this would be an exercise in independence, but it only goes to prove my lack of ability to do basic independent things. So, I guess it succeeded there. As an exercise, at least. There was an exercise there. Also, food costs way less than $5, so I bought a lot more stuff than I thought I would. So now I've got my own meals and stuff, so that's good.

Groceries: The Budgeting!

   Wow. Budgeting is a real word. I mean, the spelling checker didn't flag it. I just made it up to sound, you know, horror show (and horror show, I guess,) but, nope, it's real. Who knew?

   I've got to get used to going on $40 a week food budget. Which means that when I'm shopping for the week, I've only got $40 to spend. Which means that I've got to get a $40 shopping list. So that I can shop. For $40.

• Crescent rolls
• Bread
• Eggs
• Sure why not Waffles
• Bananas
• Yogurt
• I'll have to buy my own milk, won't I?

   Whooo. I'm, uh, not sure how much that would be. Average each item out to, say, $5, that'd be seven items, times five would be $35. That's, hm, under $40. Maybe I can save up enough over the weeks to be able to buy Hot Pockets or something. I really don't know how much that would cost. Which is kind of the point of this exercise. I'm going to have to do some baking, as well? All of this is breakfast food. Though I kind of intended the bread for lunch. Meh, I can make my own waffles.

   Yup, living the good life. But, you know, it's good for me.

   Also, what is the deal with Facebook right now? I mean, what's going on there? That's more of a real-world model. Not everyone can see it, until you do some promotion of it. Which is weird. The opposite of an information-disseminated, real-time internet model, where everyone can see it. But it's on the internet. Are they- still doing that? Is that still going on? I don't know anymore. Nor do I know what this has to do with the rest of the post.

More Tax Stuff (Yaaay?)

   The tax hike thing I had mentioned. It's either that, or flat taxes. (Or no taxes at all, which would ideally be ideal until you remember petty things like reality and realize that the government would then have to get all of its money through borrowing from other countries or through donations (which totally seems likely (sarcasm.)))

   If tax hikes on the lower class are a bad idea, flat taxes are also a bad idea. A better idea than higher taxes for the poor, but still a pretty bad one. $100 to someone of the upper class means a heck of a lot more than it does to someone of the lower class. Might as well not pay them. That's alright, though, because it's like slavery!

   Yeah. You do realize, though, that it's only the upper class who could afford slaves, right? So, it'd be like... Is this supposed to make me feel better? Heh.

   EDIT: Shoot, flat taxes are a real thing? And they're nothing at all like how I've described them? Well, gosh. I was just being, you know, (fancy word.) Also, if the argument seemed a little schizoid, it's because it is- I had originally written it as a conversation between two people, one arguing in favor of slavery.

   Yeah.

   I realized, though, with the tax stuff from earlier, that I could rewrite that conversation a bit and reconstitute it as this.

More Politics Stuff (Yaaay!)

   Technical issues continue to prevent me from doing Halloween stuff, because I've got pictures of my costume but am pretty sure I need a mouse to upload them here, but I suppose I can do text stuff.

   There was that "cool" (re: gratingly informal) dig against Romney, and then that pro-Romney PAC ad that stated that although Romney might not be as cool as Obama, coolness isn't really the primary thing we look for in a presidential candidate. Bam! Ziing. There's plenty more irony where that came from. At least, I think it's irony that's been flying around a lot lately. It sure as cuss ain't coincidence, and it involves humorous juxtapositions that convey the opposite of- well, not their literal meanings, but their literal intent, so...? All I know is, if I'm wrong, I'm going to kick myself over it for years to come. Because, seriously, irony isn't that complex of a thing. Well, it is, since it involves contradictions, but it's not that hard to define. Most of the incorrect uses of the word irony stem from either mistaking it for coincidence (which we've established that this is not) or just using it as an "iron" pun regardless of context (which... hmm... this also isn't.) Also, is "Irony Man" a thing? Undoubtedly. But it's probably just, like, a one-shot thing, right? There's so much more potential there than that.

Sorry About This

   For some reason the mouse just isn't working, so instead of having the totally rad post I was planning today I'm just doing a bare-bones post that can be written using entirely the keyboard. Which means, no fancy stuff, and only put down words and stuff that can be accessed through the "tab" key. I suppose I could use the tablet and click around using that, but I've already made it this far using only the tab and windows keys and besides I'm stalling for time. I have to post this at exactly 8:30 and I can't exactly just get it over with beforehand and hit the "schedule" button. Hold on, let me see if that can be accessed through the "tab" key.

   Haha, it totally can. So, though it says I posted this at 8:30, I actually posted this at 8:28. So worth it.

Aggregation

   Hm, I quite liked that. Yes. Maybe I do want to continue doing stories that media aggregation sites can already do. It'd just be like reviews, and I already do those... though I suppose reviews are opinion and they actually reveal something about me, while media aggregation is less reviews and more news. Though it would be the idea of what I'm aggregating that tells you about me a little more, which is what keeps it personal and therefor appropriate for a blog. Like, a personal blog, instead of a news blog. Which exist. But this would be less of that, and more personal? I'm alright with that. I've got your audience anyway. So I can do, just, whatever.

   Another thing I've noticed, you don't have to make your post so long, with so many words, as long as there are pretty pictures to look at or maybe videos to watch. It still feels satisfying as a post, even though there aren't very many words there. It doesn't have to be a big long essay, you know? Especially not on a daily basis.

Manchildren!

   Another review of the brony fandom, yesterday in HuffPo. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aaron-broverman/bronies-my-little-pony_b_2005566.html Nothing much you don't see elsewhere, but I guess it's a good sign that this is still going on. Absolutely bizarre David E. Kelley moment, there, though (David E. Kelley, that's it! Not Revenge creator Mike Kelly.) It's all, "oh, yeah, bronies are great; it's all about the community, not like those bullies over at Fox News." A paraphrase, of course, but I think I sufficiently captured the spirit of the jab. Seriously.... what the hay? 

   THE QUESTION: I know, a lot of the backlash seems to revolve entirely around the Red Eye report on BroNYCon, (I had covered this before, but apparently it's not just Q who thinks so) but I don't think that's what happened here in this instance- I just think Joe Kilmartin is a member of the 99% (that somehow makes sense.) Alright, maybe not. He's a Canadian comic-book store manager (with an adorably pear-shaped head (link opens in new window)) and his only exposure to Red Eye is through bitter bronies who can't take a joke. I've reviewed that episode over and over, and I really can't see it. Is it the "if you can call them that?" That's the only thing even vaguely close to negative that I can see. Greg says that about- well, everyone. Noted Brony Andrew W. K. is a semi-regular guest on that show, for crying out loud. Hold on, gonna do a bit more research now.

   THE ANSWER: I've really got no idea.

   Are they... are they looking at the same video? Well, yes, they are, because it's delineated quite clearly right there, but...

   Okay, there was a FOX affiliate (a-filly-ate?)- affiliate, mind you (FOX 2 St. Louis)- whose news program had a year before ran a story about people who stay home to collect disability paychecks, and they kind of implicated Bronies in that, but, if you get those two mixed up, I really don't know what to do with you.

   Also, there's this, but it's counteracted by not being negative and instead being freaking funny:

http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_294_the-18-most-viral-photos-next-12-months_p18/#8

Fairly Lame Political Satire

   Deeebates! Debates. Not to be confused with diabetes, although arguably just as pleasant. I didn't actually catch them last night, so I've got no idea what's going on and maybe this is a bit premature. It was about foreign policy, right? Whatever. Which is sad, because that's actually one of the most important issues (tax cuts won't mean a thing if Manchuria decides to nuke us.)

   Speaking of tax cuts, let's break it down, shall we? One candidate wants to tax the upper class, saying they deserve to be taxed. The other says that the upper class makes the jobs, leaving the middle class who should be taxed, even though according to the other side they're the ones that generates jobs. Wow. Seems pretty irreconcilable.

   But there is one thing that both sides can indeed agree on. That the lower class isn't making any jobs. Right? Thus, we should tax the heck out of those guys, and everyone is happy. Problem. equals. solved.

   Ba-dum-tish. It was a joke... right? Right? Just satire? Yes? Actually, the last time that I checked, that does exist, and is called "the lottery."

   And... that is sad. I guess.

Fall TV: Co... Re... Man, I Don't Know

   There's another debate tonight, but since it's not yet I can't offer any, like, satire or whatever on it. And I guess I really don't have another show to talk about here, not only after everything paled in comparison after all the awesomeness that transpired to be ARROW, I guess, but also because there's not really anything else to talk about. Except...

   Taking responsibility for my own actions. I do do that, though. Like blogging in the first place. A daily web log as a test to show to myself that I can at least take responsibility, responsibility enough to have a daily web log. Which is... frankly not as impressive-sounding a responsibility as I thought it would be. Maybe I just phrased that wrong. Hold on.

   There are still a lot of things I could have stood to be more responsible with (the Killers episode springs to mind) and I'm trying to make the next conjunction here be not "but." ... I can't. I still don't know how it's going to turn out, or whether or not it's going to be just another crappy indie film. I don't think it will be, but I also think that making a movie look good onscreen has a lot to do with lighting and direction of actors so that they actually look good. We had good enough equipment to do that, but I still don't know. I don't even know what's going on, as I've got little investment in the project anymore. I could have at least done something, though, but I guess that's the thing- I don't know what's going on, so it would be out of my position to act on anything. So, I didn't act, which saves me embarrassment at the cost of regret. This is a learning experience, then? I'd rather live in regret than live in shame?

   But, I'm glad that I've tried and failed in other areas. Or, at least glad that I've failed. The stuff I've shipped off to publishers was quite frankly terrible and I'm glad that I've had more time to not only realize this but also (hopefully) get better.

Fall TV: Arrow

   Third debates on Monday. Should I hold out till then? The only reason I'm even doing this run of new TV shows is because Elementary x.cbi axrgy Od.pnrjt up.atcbi Drnm.o while meanwhile Last Resort happened to look good. So now, I'm watching all the shows? I don't even know what good television is anymore.

   Anyway, turning now to the CW's Arrow, based off of the adventures of DC's Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow. I know it hasn't been the requisite three episodes yet, but since this is based off of an existing franchise (combined with the fact that we already know how they handled Smallville (combined with the fact that I've seen the ComicCon previews for later on in the season)) I think it's safe to venture out, no? Though now I just realized that a lot of that would be constituted as spoilers. Quality, though. It's about quality. Though I suppose we've only seen a couple episodes so far, and that's why we wait for a few more to get any indication of that. A lot of shows don't even hit their strides until later on, though (see: 90% of CBS programming)... Ah, well, too late now.

   Anyway, uh, so far it seems like it's achieving what other shows, most notably among them the Cape, were trying so desperately to grasp at: an actually pretty realistic and gritty take on the superhero mythos. Though so far we're still in the realistic stage, things I'd like to see later on? Green Lantern. Pow.

Fall TV: Elementary

   Yay Elementary doesn't stink! Maybe it's the strength of the adaptation, maybe it's the strength of the character, who knows? That's one of Holmes's greatest draws: almost every other character that he runs into acts as a foil for him. Different foils for different facets; he's that complex a character. Moriarty and Mycroft on whether to use intellect to address the root of crime or its effects, or whether to use it to instigate chaos itself. Intelligence and sanity versus insanity, Mycroft on one extreme, Moriarty on the other, Sherlock somewhere in between. With Watson as his anchor. Watson, Holmes's closest friend. Moriarty hasn't turned up yet (he always does, like a bad penny... farthing?) or at least not within the first three episodes like he did in the two other more memorable recent adaptions (and maybe the not-so-memorable one as well, if anyone even saw that one) and in fact may be fictitious even in the original stories (the guy shows up out of nowhere, Holmes claiming jolly evil conspiracies all the way, and then serves to dispatch the character between the time Doyle got sick of Holmes and the time he realized that he was a money-making machine) but then again we haven't met Mycroft yet either, and maybe Lestrade exists in this universe too. Or maybe they're going the Gene Wilder route, with "Sigerson" instead of Mycroft (aarrgh!)? The "Moriarty-was-a-patsy" thing deserves justice one of these days, I'm telling you...

Fall TV: 666 Park Avenue

   Third eppy of Elementary finally out, but I was talking about 666 Park Avenue before, so I kind of think I need to follow up on that. So, 666 Park Avenue today, more Elementary tomorrow? Though seeing as how Revenge isn't even new, I could have talked about 666 Park Avenue instead of how Revenge isn't even new, but I guess it's too late for that and since I brought it up I need to follow through with it. Also, I kind of think that I need to get a new hobby. Television? Kind of a mind-rotting time waster, innit? Well, at least it's better than my previous hobby, if you can call it that, which has been described varying from "seriously kid aren't you getting kind of old for that?" to "an abomination against nature" to "come join us COME JOIN US WE HEAR THE BLOOD CALLING TO US," so maybe there are indeed worse things than having

   666 Park Avenue, which initially I had reservations about and I'm still having kind of a hard time to pin down even after the first three episodes, but its implacability is kind of part of the charm and anyway I think it needs the buzz. Like I said. It would seem some people are avoiding it because of perceived demonic/occult themes exhibited in the title (I still can't see why people don't perceive these as being general Christian themes, but, alriiigght...) so I'm just- for what it's worth- watching it now and saying that it deserves more viewership. Demonic? Not unless you count the wicked and commanding presence of Terry O'Quinn, very fittingly cast as the mysterious Gavin Doran, owner of the New York Drake (the 999 Park Avenue of the title.)

   It's creepy, yes, but also wicked sharp and surreal in a way that I doubt has ever been captured on the small screen before. Far more than American Horror Story, the creepy bits interact with the domestic drama bits and seems to serve as some horror story cum late night soap opera. Though while the romance subplots aren't strictly speaking anything new, they tie in nicely with the character development and the rest of the plot. Aside from the overarching plot of the relationships between characters and trying to figure out the building's secrets, in each episode there's the story of an occupant of the building who makes a Mephistophelean deal with Mr Doran to advance their career in some way and without fail gets damned because of it in the end. This serves as sort of a meta-mystery for the viewer, as damnation can come in some pretty oblique ways, so it's fun to guess how it's going to happen. Yes, Mr Doran is like the devil... or God... or something (his initials are G.D., and his wife's are O.D., so... symbolism?)

Fall TV: Like, Revenge, or Something?

   More Fall TV! Still on ABC here, after talking about Last Resort. Revenge, from Mike Kelly (who I'm pretty sure also created some other show that grew to become moderately-to-very popular, and I feel like I should know which one or ones, so I'm too embarrassed even to look up.) I only caught some of it checking out 666 Park Avenue, which could be doing better ratings-wise, I knew, so I decided to check it out- because it actually did look pretty good, and probably deserving of higher ratings. So, uh, Revenge, I guess. I'm not sure how well this one's doing. It could be doing alright; I don't know. I wasn't even going to bring it up, because I didn't even know Revenge was a new show; I thought it had been going on for a season, but I guess not.

   Anyway, Revenge. I think it's got spies or something. I'm not sure. The intended demographic appears to be female, so I wouldn't be too interested in it and I wouldn't even bring it up if it didn't have James Morrison (Bill Buchanan in 24) in it as a spooky spooky bad guy. Awesome! Or, uh, had him in it; he gets killed off early enough along that me telling you that he gets killed off wouldn't be considered a spoiler. Rats? Revenge appears to contain a higher-than-average number of flashbacks, so he might recur occasionally. I wouldn't count on him being as big and bad a threat as he was, anymore, though. Sad.

   Turns out I was right the first time, and that it's not new or anything. Does that mean that there's more James Morrison? Sweet, I- I guess. Whatever. What was the other new show I was thinking of, then? Scandal? Was it... no, that's not a new show either. Aargh, all of these ABC shows are the same... Anyway, throughout all of this my point is, it's on right before 666 Park Avenue, which is what I wanted to get to, but I guess now am prevented from doing so. Next time, then.

Platonic Lovers

   As revealed in Correspondence 11/5/10 20:08 - 11/10/10 16:18, Cailin and I are platonic lovers. Wooo. Steamy. Why do they call it Platonic love? Why is it named after Plato? Haven't these people ever read Symposium? But, no, it's not about that one. Other platonic ideals. Reality is like unto a shadow, and the ideal would be to reject the manifestations and strive toward the ideas behind them.

   That's why it's called Platonic love. It's love, but without hugging and kissing (which is why the TV Tropes page on platonic love is called No Hugging, No Kissing- it's Writer Speak.) It's in the realm of ideas, like Plato said. Platonic ideals, meaning there's no outward manifestation of this love like hugging and kissing would be.

Fall TV: Last Resort

   Huh. SO, the political debate that second time was just for the veep candidates, and there's still one more debate for the presidential candidates to go? Alright. But, uh, any political commentary I may have right now would be stale by the time the debates are through. The longer it goes on. But, it's less likely to be wrong, with all that hindsight. I'd rather be right than timely. I had a dream that I was on the Late Late Show telling Craig Ferguson about all the Sherlock Holmeses lately, so... I guess that's a sign? A sign that I care about this enough to do this thing. Fall TV it is then.

   Three episodes into serieses, and, though it isn't really safe to gauge overall qualities of shows yet, we can at least get a general feel for where they're going. Now that we've seen more of Last Resort, which already looked pretty good, we can see that it's better than too good to last. If that makes sense at all. You know the Firefly Effect, wherein people are afraid to get into a show because they know that it'll be too good to last, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy? It's better than too good to last. Instead of fleeing like rats from a ship because they don't want to get involved in characters and plotlines that have the chance of being canceled anyway, people honestly don't seem to care this time around and are sticking with it nonetheless. Hopefully that does something and goes somewhere.

Long Cylinders

   I also was going to today post on the new fall lineup, but then James Gurney came to me in a dream and told me to post on hurricanes instead. Okay. (Well, it was nothing so arcane. He just happened to be a character in my dream, and, when I couldn't adequately explain what a hurricane was in my dream state, he suggested I look it up and post on it here. A'ight.)

   Hurricanes are not tornadoes, apparently, though they are able to produce them. (That's as far as I could get in my dream- "Long cylinder.") It can be pronounced either hurricane or hurrican'. Though the formation of hurricanes is not fully understood, it appears that it's caused when warm water temperatures disturb the overlying atmosphere. This is why hurricane season is in the summer. Warm water temperatures. Condensing waters above release warm air, which rises, as there is an inflow of more warmth and moisture from the ocean's surface to help strengthen the effect critically. This rises and is sucked down only to rise again, creating a feedback loop. The rotation of the earth means that the loop rotates as well, which is why cyclones swirl clockwise in the southern hemisphere. Makes sense.

   So, that's what I learned. I already knew a lot of the other stuff there is to know, as I had already done some research when I posted on hypercanes. Thanks, James Gurney! I guess.

Doodle

   I was going to post on the new fall lineup some more today, but I think I'll have to wait on that, as the Google Doodle for today is just gorgeous and you should go out and see it. link.

   Windsor McCay, one of the most incredible artists- well, ever, really- creator of Little Nemo and the much under-appreciated Rarebit Fiends and Gerty the Dinosaur, very probably the first animated cartoon character ever to have existed, and no I didn't have to look any of this up because I just love the guy that much... now in interactive Google Doodle form. Amazing.

On Mary Sue Hippie Elf Chicks (Or, Why Michonne Should Die)

   I'm not sure how many of you out there in the blogosphere watch the AMC television series The Walking Dead. (Not the Dish Network owners. Zing, I guess? Though Dish does have that thing with the kangaroo. Hopper? That's, like, the ghost of Dennis Hopper inside of your receiver, right? It skips over commercials for you, which I find to be nigh unto absolutely immoral, but that 'roo is like SUPER CUTE.) Even if you don't, you've probably heard the news of Andrea's rescue by a mysterious katana-wielding character who, we will find out this season, goes by the name of Michonne nolastnamegiven. Also, there was a prison, and a bunch of other stuff that's not as cool as that.

   Although she's a major character in the comics, my guess is, she's going to get killed off in the first five minutes of the season premier. Because it'd be awesome. And she's an unrealistic character, in a fairly (aside from the existence of zombies) realistic universe. She's basically a Mary Sue. A Mary Sue who's made some morally heartbreaking choices in the past, but a Katana-wielding waif chick Mary Sue in a gritty zombie universe nonetheless. She's a superhero(ine). And no matter how gritty the gritty superhero film, it's still inherently silly, because it's still about superheroes. (Silly isn't bad; I'm just saying that this approach doesn't work.)

   But, she survives in the comics, and it's been officially confirmed that she's going to make it to future seasons. I hope that, and all the stuff we see her do in the previews, is a lie, to make her death in the first five minutes that much more unexpected. And I expect nothing less. Just like I know how A Good Day to Die Hard is still going to be a 24 crossover, and how we know that the political debates don't matter because they're politicians and could be lying anyway. The universe is just slightly more awesome that way.

Cake Doughnut, Doughnut Cake

   I have no idea what is going on. This cake tastes like doughnut. And not the normal crappy suckdoughhnut, either. The good kind. Cake doughnut (is that where it gets that name? heh, heh.) The reason I think doughnuts are so bad for you is because they taste terrible, but they're doughnuts, so they're supposed to be good. So you just keep on eating more and more, because they taste bad and thus can't be those fattening doughnuts everyone talks about.

Yep, It's... Wood? BOOM!

"Excellent!" I cried.  

"Elementary," said he. 

-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, The Crooked Man

   Second of three political debates last night. This time, with vices! Should I... should I hold out on the political commentary until all three debates? Huh. Ma- maybe? I'm just kind of bummed that the debates last night messed up the television schedule for all the regular Thursday shows. Like Elementary. Especially Elementary. I was going to wait three episodes, to get a good feel on it, before reporting further, but this just throws stuff off and I don't think I can wait till next week.

   Yep, Elementary. Being the fan of Sherlock Holmes that I am (I guess?) I couldn't resist. Even if it's all, well, this is certainly enjoyable, but I don't see how it's strictly necessary. OH WAIT! Entertainment doesn't have to be necessary. That's why it's entertainment. Nevertheless! Elementary does a pretty good job of at least trying to appear necessary. The mysteries that Holmes solves in this one are the most faithful to the tone of the mysteries in the original novels and short stories. And Johnny Lee Miller's characterization serves as a nice counterpoint to the other two recent Sherlocks. While Robert Downey Jr.'s Holmes focuses more on the eccentricities of the original character and Benedict Cumberbatch's on the brilliance that justify the eccentricities, Johnny Lee Miller's is all phlegm and dry wit, a throwback to the old Peter Cushings and Basil Rathbones. All three portrayals have their place. I think. Hopefully others think so too? I've still got more to say on this, but I think we'll wait a week to see if anything else I may have noticed gets confirmed.

A Pun!

   I was going to post about... politics? Nobody's tired of that, yet, are they? Well, okay, then. Maybe later. Fair warning, for some time in the future. Maybe after all of this is over and done with! But, no, I've got something even better right now. A pun, which I couldn't contain. A pun which I will post on instead.

   Mother left the house, to go get some new tires for the car. In other words, to get some new pneus! I'm a comedic genius!

Featuring Lindsey Lohan

   I'm not the only one who remembers this and is looking for it, apparently. But there are no YouTube videos of its existence, so all we have to go on is the word of the few of us who remember the Kellogg's Corn Pops rap.

Pop's sweet blaze goes bling like my rings
That sweet Pop's crunch is tight like my limousine.
So yellow and delicious are you feeling ambitious
It's a taste so large it's a cereal superstar!
[It's a Pop's thing, sweet crunchy bling bling]
The cereal is the dealio!

   Instead, I found Bill Cosby rapping about grape Jell-O, which is the next best thing, I guess:
http://www.retrojunk.com/content/commercial/27654/index/

Unless It's Naps

   Waiting... for further instructions, I guess? I'm not sure what now. I'm not even sure what I did yesterday. I remember.. napping, a lot. And I did a little Persistence stuff. But... mostly naps. I really don't know the plan. That's all I've got for you.

What We Did Wrong, What We Did Right

   ...Huh. Turns out he DIDN'T swoop down in the eleventh hour to fund the rest of the project. Which, based on what he said about being willing to fund his own stuff, was what I thought would happen. It just seemed like it would be his plan all along. Science didn't ... didn't happen.

   I... don't know what will happen now. I really wouldn't even have any investment in it if I wasn't informed that it even existed in the first place. I don't know how this is going to fit in. bUt! (I miscapitalized that, but I rather like the effect.) But! Hindsight 20/20 and all that. Time to go over WHAT WENT WRONG now, shall we?

1. It could have used more, like, bunnies?
2. Bidding tiers too small. There was no chance to make any significant amount of money without even more significant word-of-mouth. Which brings us to...
3. I'm not sure if it was advertised as well as it should have been. I know for a fact that there a quite a few K-pop fans who would have been willing to get behind that stuff.
4. Introductory video was, let's face it, slightly creepy.

   Okay, now my (officially obligated to be) favorite part, WHAT WENT RIGHT:

1. Willingness to put own funds into project- a lot of Kickstarter campaigns are just looking to mooch money off of other people.
2. The human touch. Personal story about seeing humanity devolve after Hurricane Katrina- very awesome, very fascinating. Could have used more of that.
   
3. Also, waiting till the end to want that final push of funding- see the mooching thing above.

   That's all I can think of at the moment. Anything else I forgot to mention?

Science Happens

   When this gets posted at 8:30 (but not necessarily as I'm writing this; remember I have to write this before I post it) there's five hours to meet the funding by the deadline in the Kickstarter campaign. Five hours. Unless Dave swoops in in the eleventh hour and funds the rest of it himself (which would make sense, and I think that was his plan all along), it means that we failed to receive adequate funding. This isn't panic, though.

   I realized something last night.  There was nothing I could do. Aside from publicizing it, which is what I did in my capacity. I was worrying a lot earlier, but it was out of my hands and I was just worrying needlessly. Insofar as I actually did anything about it, at least. And besides, I kind of was and still am just morbidly curious as to what would happen should we fail.

   This reaction explains a lot of politics. I think the reason the race is so close is because we want to see what will happen. To the moderates, it's a DIYDDIYD situation (people abbreviate that, right?) Everyone else is voting for the other team, because this election is so allegedly crucial and both sides know that it will be an absolute screwball if their guy loses. Which would be fun to watch. Maybe not on any conscious level, but a lot of people just want to watch it all burn down. Abandon higher rational thinking. We just want to see that train wreck.

On Not Knowing Jacks

   Well, it's October 6 again, and you know what that means: yep, it's Tom Cruise day! A real thing. In Japan, at least. Apparently. If you can't trust what the official Mission Impossible website has to say about him, whom can you trust?

   You know what looks exciting, though? Tom Cruise IS Jack Reacher, in theaters this December. All that we know so far is the trailer:

   And the international poster:

   And the rating (PG-13 for violence, language, and some drug material.)

   Still, we can glean some things. It's based off of the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. Think Rambo, minus Sly, plus Tom Cruise? Sounds weird/awesome, but I think he'll do well at it. After all, it's not like this is the first time Tom Cruise has played some kind of agent from a hugely successful book series with the name of Jack R., right? He was... wait, Tom Cruise didn't play Jack Ryan, in anything? And that Jack Ryan was played by Alec Baldwin, Harrison Ford, and Ben Affleck, and is being played by Chris Pine in this December's similarly-named-to-Jack Reacher film Jack Ryan? Well this is confusing.

   Both movies look good, though. Not great, or mindbreakingly awesome, certainly not going to change the genre, but worthy of existing within it. Go-see-it-in-theaters, buy the special-edition DVD/Blu Ray/Cloud combo pack when it comes out, kind of thing. Worth getting psyched up about, even. Hopefully launching new franchises, maybe. Still too early in the game to see.

   EDIT: Jack Ryan comes out next December, which makes a lot more sense. Turns out there won't be two Jack R. films competing this year. It's only going to serve to make me impatient, though. I want my Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan movie now! Well, it's been a decade since the last one already. What's one more year of wait?

Conspiracies, Part III

   I've been missing out on a key demographic in my conspiracy reporting. Turns out the gays also have a conspiracy to molest our children. On the one hand: as much as like like dudes, I don't think it's quite that much. On the other hand: seeing as how thinking about religion automatically makes me a member of the clergy, even liking dudes slightly makes me homosexual. I'm not going to say "on the gripping hand" because

1. There is not gripping hand,
2. saying "on the gripping hand" in the context of homosexuality is kind of a poor joke and we're not going there, and
3. Larry Niven something something something science fiction something something L. Ron Hubbard something something Illuminati conspiracy. LOGIC.

   ...For some reason, I think that this logic (or parody thereof) is pretty self explanatory, if you know... that kind of stuff? BONUS. If you couldn't follow that logic, then that's alright. If you could follow that logic then

1. You know way too much about the political views of science fiction authors, and either
2. You've got a pretty firm grip on good understanding of this kind of thought process, or
3. You yourself follow this kind of thought process and thus need mental help.

   So, uh, yeah, I think the other hand takes this round, which means I guess I'm in on that, too. That's three conspiracies to do horrible things to children that I'm in on. Woo. There's probably a pedobear "x all the y" meme out there, but I really don't care to check right now.

Presidential Debate Logic (Conspiracies, Part II)

   I've been thinking some more about the conspiracy theory stuff. A perfect time to do it, too, I might add. The conspiracy stuff goes quite well combining with the debates last night, including but not limited to the debates surrounding the debates. You can see some of the circular logic conspiracy-theory-style reasoning in discussions of it. You've got such disdain for this politician. Founded on faith instead of reason? That's really what this kind of logic boils down to. Your opponent is such a skunk-faced (?) weasel (??). He lies all the time. See how he avoids the question, by using rhetoric instead? But there's no using logic against you once you've gone down that road. Once you've fallen into that conspiracy-theory mindset, there's no saying to you, if he lies so easily, why would he avoid the question at all, if he could just outright lie about it?

   So, yes, I suppose conspiracy theory stuff is a good use of your time, since such an extreme case of faulty logic allows you to see where faulty logic lies and how it works, thus allowing you to catch it elsewhere.

We've Successfully Fluoridated the Enemy's Water Supply! Yaaayyy!

   I just discovered the existence of Zionist/Illuminati conspiracy theory sites on the internet, and... well, I'm kind of psyched, because hey you guys that's just so awesome; but I'm also kind of bummed for Ron Paul, because he strikes me as a genuinely likable guy with well-considered stances on the issues, and the fact (?) that this is the best (?) support he's got is kind of an outrage. Even if the moon landing was a hoax (or at least the first one anyway) and the Holocaust was a massive fabrication to garner support for the Jews, could you guys just, you know, keep it to yourself until after Paul makes it into the White House? Also, if the government is just a massive propaganda machine designed to deny that fluorescent light bulbs rot our children's brains, what makes you think that Ron Paul has a shot at the presidency at all anyway? He could be one of them disguised as one of you, and you wouldn't know it. Oh snap. Or maybe Ron Paul is the real deal, only allowed to continue to provide a cover of plausible deniability? Aargh this hurts to think about.

   The obvious take-away from this is, the more circular your reasoning becomes, the less coherent and logical and perhaps even removed from reality you get. Just follow this line of logic:

   I've been thinking a lot about religion lately. I think that makes me part of a Papist Zionist plot to molest all children? Nope, becoming clergy is too much work, and it wouldn't be viable at all considering my career path so far. But, now that I know that the TSA is just a scam to scan little children's bodies in a ploy for free and legal child porn, I guess I could do that instead. (BIG FAT SCREAMING NOTE: this is satire.) Okay, that doesn't quite follow, but, exactly.

Sources

   As I said, I'm fairly confident that I know more about copyright laws than most people. Enough to know that "Google Image Search" isn't a source, at least. So, it would seem that I'm completely within my bounds to use copyrighted materials within fair use rights on a private not-for-profit weblog. Still, I try to provide as much copyright information as I reasonably can, and the source of whatever image I may be using. Sometimes, I've got absolutely no clue, though. Like with this one:

   Which is what makes this image so baffling in the first place. I've got no idea what connection, if any, this image has with the Watchponies video, because I don't know the site that originally hosted this. It's not even anywhere to be found on the site that Image Search says it's from. I think that site's just a bunch of insurance stuff. There's a URL in the corner there, presumably that of the original host, but I can't make it out.

   In such a situation there's nothing to be done. Still, I try to give credit where credit is do where I can.

For Legal Reasons

   Okay. My lawyers advised me that to continue going on under the "Die Like a Disney Villain" heading, I'd need to show a gesture of goodwill toward the Walt Disney Company. Or whatever. I've compiled a list of the Disney films in which villains die in the stereotropical manner, which you can watch to support the Walt Disney Company. That will be sure to clear up any legal issues, right? Right?

   Find that page here.