That was one of the reasons why I even needed to give my plasma on Saturday, when it probably would have been much easier just to skip it with so many things going on and not many places to fit this other thing in: well, for one, you receive a bonus $20 payment for your second donation in a calendar week, but for two, my sixth time this month had been on Wednesday, but I hadn't opened my card then. I needed to go back, yesterday, to get that prize. And figure out what it would be in the first place.
Fate versus chance. Maybe it wouldn't be that strong a theme, enough to post about so soon, but the topic gets especially relevant and also almost poignant, depending on how you look at it, but very appropriate, because of how the plasmapheresis ended yesterday, and how the events leading up to it play into that theme. Random and inevitable, it's not always easy to know which is which-- in yesterday's post I broke down all the topics as follows, and I will do my best below to delineate whether they played in at all to the ending of the story, and that ending's aftermath, and how much we could get away with in spite of said aftermath. The topics and subtopics, from yesterday:
- choosing the morning versus the afternoon
- my left arm being stuck versus my right arm
- it looking for a minute there like the arm about to be stuck was the one I didn't want but the mistake being realized
- whether that mattered
- having been entitled to a bonus gift for donation number six this February which I didn't cash in on till now with this being my seventh time
- what that gift was
- how that gift was.
The morning or the afternoon: I knew that if I chose the afternoon to fit in the two-hours-average process of waiting, getting called up, being screened and finally being admitted onto the floor, it would possibly be at the expense of, the first time we've seen Lauren in almost a month, and I'd probably sit there regretting not having gotten it done in the morning where my only obligation was sleep. So I went in the morning, early, before the Disciple Leader Conference. If you get in early enough, you beat the crowd of people all waiting to be screened, so the whole process takes considerably shorter than two hours anyway as well, so there was plenty of time before 9:00 DLC started.*
Wake up 5:20, 5:30 in the morning, eat breakfast drink fluids, get in there around 6:30, and instead of it taking you until 8:30 it should be only until 8:00 or even just 7:45. Get in there just fifteen minutes later, there's a whole crowd of people, and not only does that take you that much longer but also you don't get out with much wriggle room in your schedule before you need to get to the conference. So. The earlier the better, but also you want to make sure that your breakfast is good enough to get you enough protein in your blood they'll allow you to donate. (That's what happened on Saturday February 6th-- P2B in the morning at 9:00, so I went in early but without a good enough breakfast, so I couldn't do it that day.**) I had enough breakfast, I had enough blood protein, but whether it accounts for the thing that happened, well, let me get to the thing first, but, I don't think so.
My left arm being stuck, versus my right arm: my left arm is the one that always gives me trouble-- my very first plasmapherese was in that arm, and things went wrong, and they had to switch arms to my right arm. They give you a protein bar and a Poweraid your first time, and they gave me another of each, and my right arm worked fine, and my left arm was bruised for weeks. The next time I used my left arm went fine (Jan 27), so I use that arm again as well on the one after that, on the 30th... and the blood clotted in the needle, and so my blood couldn't return. Which was alright, just, don't lose any more whole blood in the next eight weeks, or else you won't be able to donate plasma at all for another eight weeks after that.
2 out of 3 times, my left arm gives me trouble. Ryan reports never having trouble with his blood clotting inside the needle like that or anything, so there must be just something really weird with the vein on my left arm. Let's not use that one anymore. At least, not experiment with it until the tail end of March, when I can afford to clot again.
So it's kind of concerning when my guy sits me to the left of the machine he's going to use, as if he's going to stick my left arm. I don't speak up though. Just, pray? I'm a milquetoast. But he notices he's on the left side, and just sits me one space to the right. Followed by my coat which I'd stuck in the cubby underneath the first seat, which gets noticed by the next guy to sit his guy down there, trying to put that guy's coat into the cubby, seeing my jacket, finding my wallet, and reading my name from some card of mine. That also gets brought to the space to the right.
And this is what the thing is... Something goes wrong with this time too. Before a single cycle can even be completed, the needle clots again, even in my right arm, and I won't be able to sell my blood plasma again until April 23.
And this spurs me to think of the theme, which I'd been thinking on because of the February bonus prize, of the random and the inevitable. Which was this? Would things have turned out better had I opted to go in the afternoon instead of the morning? I don't think so, but maybe certain diets (like a nice Hamburger-Helper-and-yogurt breakfast) increase your clotting factor, or something, and my lunch of vegetarian sandwich from Disciple Leader Conference would've allowed me to pass my blood without it clotting. But I don't think so. It's random, and it happens, and left arm, right arm, whether I went in the morning or afternoon, didn't matter; my blood would or would not have clotted inside the needle either way.
With a donation of whole blood, they still pay you in full, or at least they did me both times that happened. Just be sure to pay him before putting him on that two-month deferral, otherwise the payment won't go through and also he won't be entitled to that February bonus gift.
Right. The bonus gift. It's even possible to win gift cards or a Mac Book. Though that's probably rare. Mathematically there's a 100% chance of someone winning that, or at least being entitled to win that if that person does donate the minimum 6 times in February, but the odds of it being any one person are minimal. But, you know. I know it won't be me, but it still might be. That is, as long as they haven't deferred me yet, and I still can win...
The bonus gift: random versus inevitable: I'm still good to open my card, they allow me to do so, and my prize is... a spin of the wheel of prizes! The card I'd had all month, that's what the prize had always been (inevitable, though random at first,) but now the randomness continues into the present as I spin the wheel. Which wheel includes prizes such as: swag, an extra $5 on your donation, a VIP card (which allows you to skip to the front of the line so that you don't have to wait around in the lobby for an hour before they call you up to confirm your identity and test your vitals, effectively cutting your visit time in half,) or also an option that allows you to pick a prize off of the wheel, of your choice.
In the realm of random, I spin the wheel, and win, swag. I could've landed on, pick one, but I landed directly on swag, so choice is not yet introduced into the battle of the realms of randomness and inevitability. Rather, it is introduced five seconds later, when I must choose between a blue hoodie or a grey one. I say I can't choose, he mishears this as blues, but they don't have blue in my size-- I must choose again, a size larger or a size smaller, but I choose a grey instead.
I walk out, even earlier than the early that I would have been, because not even a single cycle was completed. And am free to explore the early morning.
That's how the story ends.
**The next day I'd be able to go in, then, was Monday, which would throw off my Wednesday-Saturday schedule if I did that-- but which I was fine with, because if I did it, say, Monday-Thursday that week, I wouldn't have to go in early on Saturday, which was the CBW field trip. More potential spoilers, of points from the very next paragraph anyway: the Monday visit was also a bust, because of bruising and, although I've got a second vein on my right arm, they didn't want to risk it at that time because I'd already lost some blood the Saturday before last. So, when that bruise healed up, Wednesday-Saturday it was again, which turned out fine.
The bonus gift: random versus inevitable: I'm still good to open my card, they allow me to do so, and my prize is... a spin of the wheel of prizes! The card I'd had all month, that's what the prize had always been (inevitable, though random at first,) but now the randomness continues into the present as I spin the wheel. Which wheel includes prizes such as: swag, an extra $5 on your donation, a VIP card (which allows you to skip to the front of the line so that you don't have to wait around in the lobby for an hour before they call you up to confirm your identity and test your vitals, effectively cutting your visit time in half,) or also an option that allows you to pick a prize off of the wheel, of your choice.
In the realm of random, I spin the wheel, and win, swag. I could've landed on, pick one, but I landed directly on swag, so choice is not yet introduced into the battle of the realms of randomness and inevitability. Rather, it is introduced five seconds later, when I must choose between a blue hoodie or a grey one. I say I can't choose, he mishears this as blues, but they don't have blue in my size-- I must choose again, a size larger or a size smaller, but I choose a grey instead.
I walk out, even earlier than the early that I would have been, because not even a single cycle was completed. And am free to explore the early morning.
That's how the story ends.
- There's something kind of amazing about having your worst fears being realized, the end of the world occurring, and then realizing that even that's not the end of the world.
It's like failure. Well, it is failure. When I say, failure, though, I mean like in my experience with Try Everything, or not being accepted to Provo. When you fail, you realize it's not that bad, and then you can continue.
So, the end of the world comes as a relief. What you'd been dreading comes true, and you no longer have to dread it. My Wednesdays are a lot freer, and I don't have to worry about my (fairly intensive for an Art 125 project) Art 125 project until then, because I'll have time to do it then. Which is good, because of all the things I need to do for the day before.
Sister La Orange, a speaker at the DLC, talked about being unable to have children seemingly, when she'd always wanted to be, not just a mother, but the coolest mother ever. She eventually was able to bear children, but for 7 years no children came, and she was bitter. Even when he friends were complaining about the duties of child rearing, and expressing jealousy that she didn't have any kids and had time to do whatever she wanted, she was bitter that they had what she couldn't. The 8th year, though, she realized the Lord's patience with her. She'd been denied what she truly desired, and learned a lesson how she behaved when she didn't get it.
I thought about that, the blessings and curses of having children, watching Antigone: clearly the line of Oedipus would be better off if it, you know, weren't. The random and inevitable. In a purely deterministic causal worldview, they're one and the same. It had always been going to happen, kind of deal. The story of Oedipus is one entirely about fate, and this theme of the will of the gods continues into Antigone. Choice does enter into it, though, even here; if it were not so, there'd be no story.
Like how my story ends with a choice. Cut off from choosing an extra $5, I can still at least choose the grey hoodie over the blue.
And I can at least choose, not to be too hard on myself.
*There are times where it's taken me longer than two hours. I'm not sure if you read the footnotes at the end or during the middle, but, potential spoilers: the first time always takes you twice as long, with extra screening and everything, and also there was the trouble we had with my arm; also, the January 30th trip, where it took like an hour and a half longer than normal, the blood in the needle having clotted but nobody knowing yet. They jammed and rejammed that needle in, readjusting it into my vein (I lost track around the fifth time,) until the vein on that arm turned out all swollen and rolly-around, which explained the poor positioning, but actually the blood was clotted which answered for the real reason why it wasn't taking.So, the end of the world comes as a relief. What you'd been dreading comes true, and you no longer have to dread it. My Wednesdays are a lot freer, and I don't have to worry about my (fairly intensive for an Art 125 project) Art 125 project until then, because I'll have time to do it then. Which is good, because of all the things I need to do for the day before.
Sister La Orange, a speaker at the DLC, talked about being unable to have children seemingly, when she'd always wanted to be, not just a mother, but the coolest mother ever. She eventually was able to bear children, but for 7 years no children came, and she was bitter. Even when he friends were complaining about the duties of child rearing, and expressing jealousy that she didn't have any kids and had time to do whatever she wanted, she was bitter that they had what she couldn't. The 8th year, though, she realized the Lord's patience with her. She'd been denied what she truly desired, and learned a lesson how she behaved when she didn't get it.
I thought about that, the blessings and curses of having children, watching Antigone: clearly the line of Oedipus would be better off if it, you know, weren't. The random and inevitable. In a purely deterministic causal worldview, they're one and the same. It had always been going to happen, kind of deal. The story of Oedipus is one entirely about fate, and this theme of the will of the gods continues into Antigone. Choice does enter into it, though, even here; if it were not so, there'd be no story.
Like how my story ends with a choice. Cut off from choosing an extra $5, I can still at least choose the grey hoodie over the blue.
And I can at least choose, not to be too hard on myself.
**The next day I'd be able to go in, then, was Monday, which would throw off my Wednesday-Saturday schedule if I did that-- but which I was fine with, because if I did it, say, Monday-Thursday that week, I wouldn't have to go in early on Saturday, which was the CBW field trip. More potential spoilers, of points from the very next paragraph anyway: the Monday visit was also a bust, because of bruising and, although I've got a second vein on my right arm, they didn't want to risk it at that time because I'd already lost some blood the Saturday before last. So, when that bruise healed up, Wednesday-Saturday it was again, which turned out fine.
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