I get flashbacks sometimes, such as today when there was a choir at stake conference, to my mission, being in the choir, but playing hooky every time the Tab Choir was putting on a concert scheduled at the same time we were scheduled to go on. Regret!
In church they pretty much tell you that the world is crappy, which I never believed, but maybe it's true? Because there's a lot of messed-up folks in the world, or that is, people's lives are messed up. Nothing ever goes wrong in my family, and, well, to a worm in horseradish, the world is delicious delicious horseradish, so it's little wonder why I think life is good and people are good and dramaticies are aberrant. How the heck is my family so awesome, talented, good-looking and well-adjusted? Luck? Genes? Nurture? Nature? I don't know, but apparently living a suck-free life is an anomaly.
I've a roommate venting over the phone to his mom right now about how poorly he's doing in classes and how his teachers are bad and how he doesn't have any money and how his computer's all messed up and, well I guess we all have different problems. Is the fact that I frequently feel urges to stab people to death, and that all my problems are apparently internal, less than his problems? A lot of the questions that plague me actually have to do with how much church tells me life sucks or whatever, and, well, I guess I don't have to mistrust the Church on the matter anymore, so. Yeah I guess his problems really do make mine any less.
I'm still skint broke though.
I think I need to sell some stuff. I've got like too much of it. Too much stuff. Also, not enough money, which is the real motivator. But my apartment is way cluttered, and like 80% of it is mine. For a while back there I was paranoid that I'm covetous, but the reason I buy things is because, maybe partly as the owner of a small business that hasn't really gone anywhere, I love patronizing business I think need it. I shop locally wherever I can, eat at local restaurants instead of chains, never pirate any copyrighted content, donate more than I can afford to chaos, that kind of thing. Charities, I mean. Not chaos. I don't want money for myself, which is good because it fulfills its own goals, makes it so that I have no money for myself (what am I going to do, save?, yeah like that contributes to the economy,) but that's bad because there are still expenses coming up. And the fact that I don't want money for myself doesn't mean that I don't want money. I just need, what, $500, for next semester's tuition...?
I do have $603.47 worth of Zootopia merchandise that I don't technically need...
...which merely holds a candle to the $3,400 worth of printing equipment that I can't do anything with, which cost doesn't cover all the t-shirts I bought to print on, and the plastic bins I bought to store some of the equipment and shirts in besides.
By this point, three quarters of a year later, I feel like the 100 Floors of Frights going all in on David Pumpkins. Somehow. By which I mean, it would surely have-- heck, I've explained my motivations already.
I could cut back on that without giving up on this section of my life I've already poured a lot of time and consideration into. Somehow. It's kinda tough to admit when you've been overzealous, though.
In church they pretty much tell you that the world is crappy, which I never believed, but maybe it's true? Because there's a lot of messed-up folks in the world, or that is, people's lives are messed up. Nothing ever goes wrong in my family, and, well, to a worm in horseradish, the world is delicious delicious horseradish, so it's little wonder why I think life is good and people are good and dramaticies are aberrant. How the heck is my family so awesome, talented, good-looking and well-adjusted? Luck? Genes? Nurture? Nature? I don't know, but apparently living a suck-free life is an anomaly.
I've a roommate venting over the phone to his mom right now about how poorly he's doing in classes and how his teachers are bad and how he doesn't have any money and how his computer's all messed up and, well I guess we all have different problems. Is the fact that I frequently feel urges to stab people to death, and that all my problems are apparently internal, less than his problems? A lot of the questions that plague me actually have to do with how much church tells me life sucks or whatever, and, well, I guess I don't have to mistrust the Church on the matter anymore, so. Yeah I guess his problems really do make mine any less.
I'm still skint broke though.
I think I need to sell some stuff. I've got like too much of it. Too much stuff. Also, not enough money, which is the real motivator. But my apartment is way cluttered, and like 80% of it is mine. For a while back there I was paranoid that I'm covetous, but the reason I buy things is because, maybe partly as the owner of a small business that hasn't really gone anywhere, I love patronizing business I think need it. I shop locally wherever I can, eat at local restaurants instead of chains, never pirate any copyrighted content, donate more than I can afford to chaos, that kind of thing. Charities, I mean. Not chaos. I don't want money for myself, which is good because it fulfills its own goals, makes it so that I have no money for myself (what am I going to do, save?, yeah like that contributes to the economy,) but that's bad because there are still expenses coming up. And the fact that I don't want money for myself doesn't mean that I don't want money. I just need, what, $500, for next semester's tuition...?
I do have $603.47 worth of Zootopia merchandise that I don't technically need...
...which merely holds a candle to the $3,400 worth of printing equipment that I can't do anything with, which cost doesn't cover all the t-shirts I bought to print on, and the plastic bins I bought to store some of the equipment and shirts in besides.
By this point, three quarters of a year later, I feel like the 100 Floors of Frights going all in on David Pumpkins. Somehow. By which I mean, it would surely have-- heck, I've explained my motivations already.
I could cut back on that without giving up on this section of my life I've already poured a lot of time and consideration into. Somehow. It's kinda tough to admit when you've been overzealous, though.
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