Reading Learning

Checked out many books from the library today, mainly dealing with leveraging autistic skills as a boon in the workplace. (Also checked out some books about other mental disorders, bipolar, OCD, that kinduv thing.) Hoping to magically gain some executive functioning skills from what I learn, or something.* That'd help me do in school.

So reading through the symptoms which is how they always start out these books, I mean a lot of the symptoms sound like me but then a lot of them don't, and looking at the other disorders 'specially ADHD and stuff a lot of that sounds like me but a lot doesn't, though there is supposed to be a lot of comorbidity and of course no one patient fits all the symptoms so we'll give it a pass overall generally-- but one of the symptoms of autism is anxiety, which for sure I get and moreso when deadlines loom near, but the typical source of anxiety I found very interesting (and have my speech patterns been kind of Holden Caulfield-esque in this post, they feel very Holden to me.**) 

The anxiety stems from new situations. Now, I've never really needed the samieness that they say is a hallmark for autism, so I thought, but this new insight is making me think, yes, that's exactly it. Looking at it now it seems so obvious, yet I hadn't put it into words (like the fear of needing 6-2-1 reminders without previously connecting it to graven images) but as far as change goes, I do need things to stay the same, but in the realm of school assignments. It's the constantly getting new projects to work on, finishing up the old ones and moving on, that does it to me. I put doing the assignments off because they're unfamiliar; when I'm ready for them and when I'm comfortable with the rituals surrounding them we're already moved on to the next assignment, and so I'm constantly late and behind with my schoolwork. I have wanted/requested to see the next assignments several weeks in advance; this model really explains why that'd be so good for me.

That's what I'm thinking right now, at least. Maybe there'll be more insights further into these books.




* I really do seem to do better if I'm busy doing other things beyond homework, like, the print job over the weekend, well that didn't turn out that well but my homework turned out phenomenally...

**Probably it's the use of the word "interesting" that really does it. It's like the paragraph Holden wrote about the Egyptians, right? ...The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for various reasons...This interesting riddle is still quite a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.